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Hey Daddy

Die dean die

Leaving her alone on Christmas? קוקסינל

Vic baby you’re getting soft

1. Arrow is a great show.
2. I hope she will never sleep with him.

I saw the days of the year stretching ahead like a series of bright, white boxes, and separating one box from another was sleep, like a black shade. Only for me, the long perspective of shades that set off one box from the next day had suddenly snapped up, and I could see day after day after day glaring ahead of me like a white, broad, infinitely desolate avenue.

Than plan after plan started leaping through my head, like a family of scatty rabbits.
I saw the years of my life spaced along a road in the form of telephone poles, threaded together by wires. I counted one, two, three… nineteen telephone poles, and then the wires dangled into space, and try as I would, I couldn’t see a single pole beyond the nineteenth.

And I made a point of never living in the same house with my mother for more than a week.

I couldn’t see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to.

As the house grew more familiar, I slunk still lower. I felt it was very important not to be recognized.

Tie me up?
Girl what?

מחמיר מרגע לרגע

This book is gross
Gross
Gross
Gross

Their friends don’t ask a single question about the kidnapping. Bro I would have want to know every god damn detail.

I didn’t want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn’t know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I’d cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.

The thought that I might kill myself formed in my mind coolly as a tree or a flower.

Why the fuck am I so invested

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.

That woman was a masterpiece

The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.

The trouble was, I hated the idea of serving men in any way.

I started adding up all the things I couldn’t do.
I began with cooking.

🙃

I thought it sounded just like the sort of drug a man would invent. Here was a woman in terrible pain(…) and she would go straight home and start another baby, because the drug would make her forget how bad the pain had been, when all the time, in some secret part of her, that long, blind, doorless and windowless corridor of pain was waiting to open up and shut her again.

I decided to expect nothing from Buddy Willard. If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed. (Me every week fr)

It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.

After Doreen left, I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I should any more. This made me sad and tired. Then I wondered why I couldn't go the whole way doing what I shouldn't, the way Doreen did, and this made me even sadder and more tired.

Whenever I’m sad I’m going to die, or so nervous I can’t sleep, or in love with somebody I won’t be seeing for a week, I slump down just so far and then I say: “I’ll go take a hot bath.”

The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence.

There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room.
It’s like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction- every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it’s really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights