Dan Messick > Recent Status Updates

So far 4&7 best chapters.
You can feel the inner tension of someone who was a talk show host&the peace of Jesus that wants him to spread a humble message.
I never listened to Douglas on radio but I imagine he’s a different man than the one writing a book w emoji on it.It’s great to see the struggle of self and how it is becoming less so that peace can be greater. And bringing others on the journey towards peace.

5 hours in and chapter 3&8 are my favorites so far.
Just the conclusion to go.

Ch 3 is amazing! I will reread and share with others.
Emerson “ self reliance” 7 steps . 1841.
1-my life is not a spectacle
2-stop conforming
3-be true to self
4-defer gratification
5-delete trivial things
6-be willing to change your mind and say you were wrong
7-speak truth

Addiction is
1- compulsive
2-loss of control
3-continue use despite harm
4-tolerance & with drawal

So many other great points in the chap

Ch 2 is another 25 min read and lots great data at times it goes just on other side of education wording that I lose interest but I was able to force myself to almost follow along. There is also a good image on page 53.
I do appreciate how he talks about the average American using device 205 times a day that’s 13 times an hour and that we can’t just remove from technology but relearn how to use it appropriately

A good questionnaire exists
1) i understand my life’s meaning
2) I’m looking for something that my life feel meaningful.
3) I’m always looking to find my life’s purpose
4) I have a clear understanding of my life’s purpose
5) I have a good sense of what makes my life meaningful
6) I have discovered a satisfying life purpose
7) I’m always searching for something that makes my life feel significant
+3

Audio version and loving the short chapters. Some of them I feel are merely a paragraph so if provides you with easy permission to pause and reflect.
I mean I’m 21% into book and on chapter 16.With 5 hrs left.
The book is a total of 71 chapters while physical on around 275 pages.
Acuff knows how to draw you in and yet also semi chase the distracting squirrel to help it feel like a conversation and not just a book

Received this book because I went to live speaking event Arthur was at.
He usually does a good job of captivating the audience or reader. And thus far that’s what he has done using some of his classical data on how depression and loneliness are the rise and have of Ivy League students are psychologically unstable and receive a form of treatment.

This helps you accept it’s okay to not be okay.

Ch 7 had lots good truths on how to set boundaries with toxic people (parent) and the burden that caries.
But if the toxic person who lives with you can prevent you from doing things your called to do of being more hospitable.
Hospitality and opening your home is such a critical part of showing your identity and being vulnerable to people

Ch 6 is worth rereading as it hits in the spots we want to dismiss and forget. Talks about how if we are over welcome and never practice church discipline we allow for some of the most destructive people flourish. A hypocrite. Because the hypocrite represents what you stand for from the public view but on the inside they serve themselves. Example Judas . This is a great chapter and tearful as well.

Chap 1 & 4 are my favorite so far. One hooks you to be better then 2&3 go thru her life story then 4 is back to how to become more hospitable and the simple actions one makes can be more inviting.

Fun fact learning about biblical times the rich / priest had courtyards that they would host events and only invited people could partake in food but the event was open to all. Inside the house or in the back was only vip

Ch 8 crazy to think one can run a church yet have a prayer life in ruin.
Many leaders have a great practice of 2 hours in morning dedicated to prayer
Some even 7 hrs a day!

Ch 9 some churches have members that dedicate first 7 days to fasting until 7 pm

Some churches fasting never stops, they just take turns.
Matt6:16 when you fast.
Jesus expected his followers to fast.
Some only allow those in fasting to baptize

Putes if it gets escalated.
Try to keep a one to one ratio of people, and your advocate needs to not be adding fuel but to help keep you calm and keep it factual.

Proffessions the enabler / advocate commonly can be in frequent is lawyer, counselor, ministry, doctors, teachers, nurses ,& social workers

Had a good case study in the chapter about a lawyer who prematurely took the case wo doing research.

Ch 9 22min/200. Dealing with advocates of the HCP.
They are often close to the person family, friend, coworker. Many times they are just enablers by trusting to quickly and not doing own research or are afraid of the person snapping on them.
But many times when both sides of story are present they disappear.
But sometimes they are to close or an HCP themselves.
He recommends his book Highconflict people in legal dis

Ch8 24m/178 histrionic personality is motivated by fear of being ignored.
1.8% or 6 million. 51%men.
Emotional intensity push people away which is ironic because that is a huge fear of there’s.
Top 3 of the 8 traits is drive center attention,dramatic speech, thinking people care more about them than they do.
Common profession movie stars, rock stars, or public performer.
Frequent ER visit because all or nothing .

Ch7 26min/154. Paranoid. 4.4% or 16million people in north America.
57% are female.
Most appear less confident about engaging others, though a minority do.
Typically verbal attack first, rumors.
Top 3 of 7 suspicious others out to harm them, beating grudges foot minor or nonexistent reasons, fear others conspire against them.
little paranoia is healthy.
Tip:Focus on acknowledging that’s unusual or I wasn’t there

Sociopaths that are psychopaths are potentially very cruel who will ruin your life for pleasure. Ex Ted Bundy.
Sociopaths NOT psychopaths generally are conartist and don’t care if you get hurt while they get what want. Ex. Ernie Macoff (Ponzi scheme)

Antisocial common profession choice politics, law, sales, business.
Tend have many traffic violations, parking tickets, other small crimes.

Ch6 32 min/128. Sociopath aka antisocial personality disorder, psychopath (extreme)
They lack remorse and may find pleasure in your pain.
3.6% population~13 million people USA. 1 in 4. Psychopath 1%.
74% male.
7 traits. 3 top.routine violations of social rules,norms, laws wo remorse. Drive to dominate. Deceitfulness.
Their heart rates slow down in conflict.
Can be some most charming people,because master manipulator

Ch 5 26min/96.
Helping to identify someone who is a BPD borderline personality disorder as it’s another 6% of population. Per 2008 5.9 borderline whilenarcissistic were 6.2%.

53% female 47% male.

BPD are those that latch on to select people and share them everything but have a temper.

And they will turn on you quickly.

Fear abandonment, mood swings, put people in camp good or bad.

Devil wears Prada analogy

Main thing learned, js not to insult them or let them know you think they are narcissistic. But to find ways to remove yourself from them, example priorities shift you take a break from the hobby or location they tend to meet you at.

The book goes more in depth on strategy to escape and protect yourself.
It was a really good chapter. Pulling strategies from previous chapter and introducing new strategy like BIFF

Ch 4 continues to dive deeper in topic and gives you sub labels
Vulnerable n are ones to quickly explode and backlash. While grandiose get angry then make up rumors, destroy reputation by sabotage.
Uses lance armstrong as example of how when questioned he attacked the person and avoided the questions.
How terrorist leaders don’t recognize the sacrifice from the followers, because they dont value them.

Ch4 29min/70.
Narcissism 101 what to look out for and how to get out of alway learn some ways to not become their main victim.
6% of population. 22+mil Americans
Of the Narcissists 62% M and 38% F. Most are oblivious how they treat people because they feel their superiority justify why they should get preferred treatment.
To get the label you have to have 5 of 9 traits. Top 3 superiority, above rules, lack empathy.

Ch7. Listening is the beginning of praying mother Teresa.

Interesting survey with putting people alone in room with nothing but their thoughts and a button to shock them. 67% men 25% women prefer to endure shocking themselves over being alone with themselves.

Can you bear God wo silence?

Early church didn’t have goals just a plan to share.

We need to create time for a quiet place, quiet time, and a quiet heart

Ch 3 13min /41. This book really draws you in to help you learn.
HCP (high conflict person) generally pick on people they are close to or someone in authority.

People in helping professions have a higher percentage of being a hcp.

Hcp is also on rise with all, most likely due to television promoting this behavior as people find them entertaining from a distance.

Washer a community connection the hcp thrive in

Ch2 16 min/28m. Very descriptive and gives you another recommendation book (gift of fear- Gavin de Becker)
4 primary characteristics of a hcp (high conflict person)
All or nothings
Unmanaged emotion
Extreme behavior/threats
Targets of blame- and not relenting

90 % rule - would 90% of people do that, if not be cautious
WEB
W-words
E- emotions
B-behavior

How to deal with HCP
CARS
Connect
Analyze
Respond
Set limits

Ch1 12min. Great way to introduce the HCP(high conflict personality) and learning that about 10% population or 35million in USA at time writing. But also goes into about 15% people have one of the 10 personality disorder recoginized by the DSM-5.
Author did cofound the HCI(high conflict institute) , is a psychotherapist & lawyer. And has been for 30+ years.

It is a good writing style easy to follow so far.

Final word and resources 5 minutes

A last word of encouragement on finding peace.

I recommend going to Tyndale.com and just typing in authors last name to see he has varying books from this size to full on books with 12 week studies

Ch 3 28 minutes of sky view strategy’s to get you thinking in the right direction.

While reading I tabbed many pages in this chapter to come back and reference.

There is also some good hard truths on plausible why this keeps happening.