profiler #1 > Recent Status Updates

“Any last words?”
“Ambidextrous?”

SLOANE🥰🫶🏼

Did I mention he’s also very drunk?

Michael Townsend doing the splits
with reindeer antlers on
while singing Mariah Carey
was NOT on my 2026 bingo card.

Where did Judd go??????????????????

“She loved Laurel as fiercely as she hated Olive Garden— which to say, with every fiber of her soul.”

NONNAAAAAAAA MY DIVA

OH MY GODDDD

“Its not you fault,”
“What?”
“It’s not your fault.”

“Not ‘rock paper scissors,’ but scissors knife rifle.”

“No, no more guilt, Red couldn’t carry any more.”

Nononono I’m acc crying stop

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

BRO SOMEONE IN THE RV IS THE WITNESS TOO THE MURDER CASE I CAN FEEL IT
ITS NOT OLIVER, MADDY OR REYNA, OR SIMON.
its Red or Arthur..

OLIVER IS A TOXIC b*tch GET OUT

Oliver needs to take a freaking chill pill I’m so sick of his bull crap

Arthur…?

OLIVER SUCKS

“SCIENCE BITCH-“
“Simon.”
“Sorry, Bur we’re in an RV. I was going to have to say it one time. Think I’d rather be cooking meth though. Less risky.”

Simon watched breaking bad 😭

Oh, Red.

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING

“It’s inside.”

“I tried to get you,” he said quietly “I’m sorry.”

NO ROCK BIG ENOUGH COULD HAVE DONE THAT MUCH DAMAGE TO THAT TIRE OKAY

Bro Oliver sucks

“I thought it would be wider-“
“THATS WHAT SHE SAID”
“For gods sake, Simon-“

yes I am starting another book.

“Time to change partners- Oh, did I steal your line?”
CARDEN💀😭
YK when I read this the first time it never clocked to me what that ment.

“Do you love me enough to weep over me?”

…………haha no.
no I acc want you to be buried alive.

“If I cannot be better than them, I will become so much worse.”

“Little did Prince Dain know that my real skill lies in pissing people off.”

“She’s looking around the forest, as though if she can prove it isn’t magic, then nothing else is, either. Which is stupid. All forests are magic.”

I KNEW ITTTT

“I cannot seem to contort myself back into the shape of a dutiful child.
I am coming unraveled.
I am coming undone.”