cryptid > Recent Status Updates

So far we are at 15 notated parts that either don’t make sense, are rushed/heavy handed, or poor wording. I still don’t get why they kissed already right after having their first normal even conversation & then trauma dumped on each other. It’s weird

It’s okay. The writing is better. The dialogue is better and less forced. I think my only critique would be that I am confused about Riley‘s reaction to things because they feel more forced to finding out that she has magic than I feel like normal people would be. And I feel like there’s this trend of “I just wanna be normal “vibes when in reality. I don’t think anyone feels that way? It’s not a slog.

I currently have four notes in the first chapter. The incorrect usage of the word metastasized is a little weird and so is the fact that she introduces herself as Riley Everett, and people still call her Riley Denton. It’s also kind of weird because our love interest is just immediately hot, but I do like the older female lead. She’s 33. I’m here for this.

Alright, the sex isn’t badly written; it’s decent, not gritty or detailed just enough to give you something but not the whole picture. I once more think that the miscommunication trope is BS when there’s so much here to use— Lukas’ problem with denying himself good things could be a good enough plot device without Pen on the horizon. It’s like Ali has good ideas but has comfort tropes she writes instead

first sexual scene was okay, not detailed or nasty-- happened in a lab. pen now is celebrating that scarlett & lukas are getting together--lukas told her but like why?-- & once more does not have any indication of being a bad person, but wont let the teams know that she broke up with lukas-- who tf knows why cause her excuse is literally he dumbest shit imaginable. i know this is miscomm but like, its so lazily done

I like Lukas— his character & humour are great. He really plays into the women writing men trope of him taking care of Scarlett, reminder ing to eat, breathe, etc. Pen had a weird character flip where previously she said she missed getting hit on & then now says that she likes pretending Lukas is her boyfriend so she doesn’t get hit on. Conversations are still v ‘what’s up fellow kids’ & forced. Ali Italian

First Ali Hazelwood book & I get why people like her writing— it’s very relatable in a modern way. Lukas is cute & I like his sarcasm; Scarlett is a bit too relatable as a girl with anxiety & panic attacks. Dialogue doesn’t feel real at times, feels forced, but at least the 1st person writing gives introspection & tells us about the character.

DNF: I give up

Gods above & below, yeah she just met Hu & fucked him in a church confessional. She talks about how she’s been begging for forgiveness when she hasn’t in the entire book (except the authors 1 attempt to write a possession esque scene) & all this stuff about her religion after having the character say she really wasn’t into her religion & was a bad Christian??? Like please, can I get plot & not retcon?

Hu has been introduced & he is a cool ambiguous brown person which is fun. I don’t understand why the characters think Mena is witty when she’s been anything but the entire book, if anything, she’s really flat for a character. It feels like the writer just writes like scenes instead of a flowing plot which feels disjointed & the romances are being rushed to get to the smut which sucks.

It uses Edwardian London as an aesthetic backdrop without exploring the actual socio-political environment— especially when having a main male love interest be black with dread locs. Mena has little personality other than telling the reader how “not like other women” she is when she’s not bad mouthing corsets (which is so just gross as someone who loves straight front corsets)