Kait > Recent Status Updates

Once I was changing jobs and houses at the same time. Felt insecure, uncertain, and groundless. He looked at me and Blankley said “ we are always in transition. If you can just relax with that, you’ll have no problem.” are natural tendencies to seek security. We experience impermanence as frustration use our daily activity as a shield to ward off impermanence set free from this limited way of relating.

Buddha points out what we struggle against all our lives can be acknowledged as ordinary human experience. Nothing is static. Moods are continuously shifting. Not in control of thoughts or emotions, nor cannot halt their flow. Stillness followed by movement, movement back to stillness. Even persistent pain changes overtime. Impermanence, ego, illness, and suffering are all characteristics of every human existence.

Our usual reaction is not to become curious about what’s happening, but just to blindly reach for something familiar that we associate with relief and then wonder why we stay dissatisfied. The radical approach of bodichita practice is to pay attention to what we do. Without judging it, we training, kindly acknowledging whatever is going on. Eventually, we might decide to stop hurting ourselves in the same old ways

I tried to excavate answers by digging deeper, making art. if I know why it happened maybe it won’t again if I trace back to beginning, maybe I’ll find an end. I dig until the center of my pain. I whisper it’s me; she says It’s not your fault, theres nothing left to find. All the digging won’t heal a heart. our pain is real, but there comes a point in all the digging when all there’s left to do is feel.

Sometimes the healing isn’t pretty. Not every story is a full circle. Yours has tangled lots and loosens. It’s OK to forgive yourself for what you did when you were only trying to survive.

You were a child, betrayed, meant to be loved. You were handed shame. You didn’t escape because it’s all that you knew you didn’t run because “that’s not what you do.” you toughen up, hold your tongue you start to grow cold because you need to feel numb to cope to continue. It isn’t your fault and it isn’t your fate to keep your mouth sealed to carry the shame you are not broken not a mistake.

The beauty of being human is the privilege to mean something to another person. And the burden of being human is knowing when to let the meaning lie in the past. It will hurt not because you made the wrong choice, but because they meant something to you. When you let go of anything healing is not the first visitor to arrive at your door. Grief is.

You’re distracting yourself and calling it peace, but let me promise you this is not peace. Do me a favor enclose your eyes, just let yourself be. Nothing is more important than being present. Nothing more urgent than your breath. Inhale. No exhale. Fill the knot unravel in your chest. You are safe in this moment you have done enough. You are worthy of feeling peace. Simply let yourself be.

No matter how many times I am divided there is always half of me left. There is always part of me that persist. I can be divided into again and again and again, and at the end of the day, I’m still here.

Our family is specific because we are specific people. We did not use the blueprint created by someone else and then struggle to fit each of us inside. We create and recreate our family again and again- from the inside of each one of us – out. We will continue to do that forever, so each of us will always have room to grow and grow and still belong. That is what Family is to me: where we are both held and free.

We tried, because it was the right thing to do. Because we thought we should. But Right is not real, and should is a cage. What’s wild is what IS. I hope whatever you do next is born from you and not imposed on you. I hope the rest of your life is your idea. Trust yourself. You know what you know. You have good ideas.

We lived as if Life were less precarious, as if people were better than they are, as if our kids were tougher than I believed them to be, and as if “things generally work themselves out”. And damned if I didn’t start feeling happier. Damned if our children didn’t become braver, kinder, more relaxed. Damned if our life didn’t get more beautiful.

Maybe love is respecting what your people feel, trusting that they know, and believing that they have their own unseen order for their lives, pressing through their own skin. Trusting people is terrifying. Maybe if love is not a little scary and out of our control, then it is not love at all. It is wild to let others be wild

I want to control things because I am afraid and things feel so precarious. And because I love my people and want what’s best for them and feel i have their best interest at heart and therefore know what that is. But we cannot feel, know and imagine for other people. Control is the opposite of love because it leaves no room for trust, and love without trust is not trust at all

Grateful to have found a love that is inviting and kind, Witty and nonjudgmental, a no boundaries type of love

To have fun, I had to climb down from martyrdom Mountain. Had to allow myself one less thing to say about. Had to ask for help. Had to sacrifice some of my moral high ground, perhaps lose a few points in the she who suffers most competition. We are only bitter about other people‘s joy and direct proportion to our commitment to keep joy from ourselves

We must remember: I am the builder, not the Sandcastle that washes away when the tide rises. I am separate in hole, over here, eyes on the horizon, sun on my shoulders, welcoming the tide. Building, rebuilding. Playfully. Lightly. Never changing. Always changing.

The fact that we define ourselves by our roles is what makes us untethered and afraid. Who we are is perpetually being taken from us so we live in fear instead of peace. To live a life of our own, we must answer. What do I love? What makes me come alive? And when do I take the time to fill up with it? Who is the soul beneath all of my roles?

Sometimes my midnight blue mixes with her pearl white & we become sky blue. When we make love, steal a kiss, catch each others eye. Mostly though, we’re separate colors. This is a beautiful thing because we can really see each other. I have decided I want to be in love with a person not a feeling. I want to be found in love, not lost in it. I’d rather exist than disappear. I’m going to be midnight blue forever

It’s true we are terribly lucky. It is also true that we imagined this life before it existed and then we gave up everything for the one in a million chance we might be able to build it together. We did not fall into this world we have now, we made it. I’ll tell you this- “the braver I am, the luckier I get.”

Her body is strong and solid now, not because she wants to be a model, but because the stronger she is the more her team can count on her. She does not consider her body and end in itself, but it means to an end. She uses her body as a tool to help her achieve a goal her mind and heart have set. “Be there for them”

The word humility, derived from the Latin word meaning “ of earth”. To be humble, is to be grounded and knowing who you are. Implies the responsibility to become what you were meant to become – to grow, reach, fully bloom as high and strong and grand as you were created too. It is not honorable for a tree to world and shrink and disappear. It’s not honorable for a woman to either.

We want to be liked and trusted. So we downplay our strengths, dont mention our accomplishments. Do not accept compliments. Discount our opinions. Yield incessantly. We say “ I feel like” instead of” I know”. We ask if our ideas make sense instead of assuming they do. We apologize for everything. Modesty is learned affectation. You don’t want modesty, you want humility. Humility comes from the inside out.

We all want purpose and connection. Tell me what breaks your heart, and I’ll point you toward both. Despair says “the heartbreak is too overwhelming. I am too sad and too small in the world is too big. I cannot do it all so I will do nothing”… courage says “I will not let the fact that I cannot do everything. Keep me from doing what I can.”

The thing that breaks your heart is the very thing you were born to help heal. Every world changes work begins with a broken heart.

Beliefs have nothing to do with objective universal morality and everything to do with each person specific personal one. We can accept and keep the beliefs that serve us and make us feel safe and feel true. But sometimes angry delivers a root beliefs that we don’t want to keep. Sometimes changing our route beliefs can change our lives.

Our beliefs are programmed into us without our knowledge by our culture, community, religion and family. They run our lives. Control our decisions, perspective feelings, and interactions. What we believe we become. There is nothing more important than an earth thing what we believe to be true to ourselves in our world and nothing on earth what we really believe past than examining what makes us angry.

A boundary is the edge of one of our root beliefs about ourselves and the world

With my feelings, especially anxiety and anger, I pay attention to the patterns in my body. Bodies don’t lie. I finally figured out I was angry at myself. He was the one who had strayed, but I was the one who decided day after day to stay married, vulnerable, and angry. I was ignoring what I knew. Instead of repeating, how could he have abandoned me, I needed to ask why do I keep abandoning myself?