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Chronic mistreatment gets people to doubt themselves. Children of abusive parents know that something is wrong, but they suspect the badness is inside of them. The first goal of getting over abuse is to regain trust in yourself, rely on your own perceptions, and listen to your own internal voices. You can find your way back to center.

Most codependents are frightened, needy vulnerable children who are aching and desperate to be loved and cared for

The stark truth every human being must face or continue to run from- that of being ultimately and solely responsible for taking care of ourselves.

Acts of kindness are not kind unless we feel good about ourselves, what we are doing, and the person who are doing it for

“ Take responsibility for your choices. Do we want to be doing, and realize how we become angry when we don’t.”

“ at the heart of most besties is a day we don’t feel good about ourselves. We don’t feel lovable, so we settle for being needed. We feel compelled to do a particular thing to prove how good we are”

Finished tower of dawn!

66% into Tower of Dawn. Hardest one to read so far, but finally getting good!

Controlling blocks access to my higher self. It blocks other people‘s ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events. Control is in illusion. It does not work. We cannot control anyone’s emotions, thoughts or choices. People ultimately do what they want to do. The only person you can change, now or ever, is yourself.

Feelings are important that they’re just feelings. Thoughts are important that they’re just thoughts. They are all subject to change. Give yourself in others room to move. Talk and be who they are. To be human. Give like a chance to happen. Give yourself an opportunity to enjoy it.

We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what is happening, and what might happen. We react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crisis for so long that our reactions have become habitual. We react because we think we have to react. We don’t have to. We don’t have to be so afraid of people. We don’t have to forfeit our peace; power to pause, think & feel

By being reactionary and responding urgently and compulsively, we are indirectly allowing others to control us and tell us what to do. When we react, we forfeit our personal power to think, feel, and behave in our best interests. We allow others to determine when we will be happy, peaceful, upset, and what we will say, do, think and feel. We forfeit the right to feel peaceful on our own whim

“Detachment. everyone is responsible for themselves, we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and worrying doesn’t help. We allow people to be who they are, and give both of them and ourselves the freedom to be responsible and into grow. We stopped trying to change things we can’t.”

“ Worrying about people and problems doesn’t help. It doesn’t solve problems, it doesn’t help other people, and it doesn’t help us. It is wasted energy.”

“ a codependent person is one who has let another person‘s behavior affect them, and who is obsessed with controlling that other person‘s behavior.”

A non abusive man would not expect his wife to be taking emotional care of him during a crisis. He would be focused on what he could do for her.

An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable, he invariably always has a reason he considers good enough. An abusers core problem is he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.

“ other people‘s moods control her emotions. She, intern, tries to control their feelings. I am a people pleaser, she said.”

“Our primary responsibility in life is to find a way to make peace with ourselves, our past, and our present- no matter what we face and no matter how often we need to do that. It’s also our job to mindfully practice self-love. Every day. For all our lives.“