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"Tale of Eight Dogs, huh? That's a classic. You sure have . . ." A nose, I almost said, but remembered this was a sore subject. "An eye, you've got an eye for quality literature. Some call that the first Japanese novel."

It's true. Dazai is just a pen name. I was born Takeo Kimura. Growing up, I found the name incredibly embarrassing, so despite being a string bean, I've been publishing as Osamu Dazai, a name that makes me sound like a street fighter who might break your neck.

"Are you Lord Byron?" I asked, doing my best to kill his spirit. His bloated speech was getting harder to endure. "Unless I've missed something, you don't have a bum leg. Besides, a person can't spend their entire life doing the breaststroke."