Lytton Bell > Recent Status Updates

The vanished man obviously has a secret second family. If the wife didn’t know this going in, that’s on her. She doesn’t seem to even like the guy, much less love him. I don’t enjoy how she pretends to be all torn up for the kids while unsubtle stalking the young American dude. She is ice cold ❄️

THIS bitch. Not the first ho to bed Branwell, but prolly the last. Seems like she took down all the Brontes with one well-aimed strike, like a bowling ball. I really thought I'd empathize. Who could resist the tormented, poetic, Byronic, ginger-haired young passionate intellectual, after all?? YET she is so petty, mean-spirited, small-minded, and self-centered. Not one lick of tenderness. Limitlessly hateable.

This book is hilarious. I don't know what I expected - an exacting, priggish Puritanism? - but definitely not this. I love it. Irreverant, satirical slapstick with a detailed, intriguing, twisted plot. So good.

Damn this is good. I can't believe I haven't read it till now. Waaaaay better than Moby Dick. I swear I should have been born 200 years ago.

This is so boring that I really don't know if I am going to make it. It's like a cross between a restraining order, a botany textbook, and David Copperfield - if Dickens had been a rationalizing, hipster pyromaniac. Book: this is your first written warning. Do better. Or else.

That Hemingway hated him is enough of an endorsement for me. Love you, Sherwy!

Hands are super-important in these stories, and vivid descriptions of the characters' hands appear every few pages. I'm left to wonder if the hands are symbolic - or if they are simply a reflection of the author's deep kinkiness and reveal a sexual fetish. I'm definitely getting a fetish kind of vibe. It's deeply compelling.

Golly, I love stuff like this. Twee Americana perforated by a gleeful, subterranean perversion. It feels familiar and weird at the same time. Dear Sherwood Anderson, who was married four times and died from swallowing a toothpick. I would cross the street if I saw you coming, if only to escape becoming #5. Nice book tho.

Holy Moly this is boring so far. Wandering around, followed by angst, and repeat. I'll keep going because of all the rave reviews. But I am underwhelmed thus far, Abby. Or whatever your name was.

Dammit - I really wanted to not like this one. It’s popular, and gimmicky - two things I normally can’t tolerate. But it’s also beautiful. Humble and wild and moving and sad. I surrender.

You know, I think I might have to DNF this one. It is an abomination. Such a good idea - gone SO WRONG. She has replaced everything that was truly erotic about the book with a freak show. If I were interested in trite, mechanical sex, I could just surf the friggin’ internet.

You guys, the sex isn’t even hot. Very vanilla. Porn movie style. There is no spark. This is unforgivable.

This Jane's omnivorous sexuality is at odds for me with the original Jane's dedication to integrity. The book was revolutionary in its day because her allegiance was to her own choices, not to society's dictates. She returned to Rochester before knowing that his wife was now dead. She returned on her own terms, having chosen love over probity. Her desire had one object. This Jane is just DTF.

I find that all of the gratuitous casual sex & group sex really detracts from the underlying intention and message of the original. Jane Eyre is a book about obsession, about connection and self-discovery. No part of it is a romp, especially not Lowood. Especially not "the attic." The eroticism is psychological, emotional and spiritual. Can a story even be erotic without that? The rest is just mechanics, imho.

I do agree with the author that the book Jane Eyre was and is all about sex. Even when it's trying to be preachy and moralistic. Hot, feral, ungovernable, kinky fornication - as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on the moor, Why else have readers loved it so fiercely for nearly two centuries???

This is just camp. Comedy is great when that's what you're looking for, but I would never consider it erotic. #disappointed

The characters, while likable, are all wrong. Jane is supposed to be clever to the point of brilliance, along the lines of Bronte herself. Cara though is kind of dull & dim, though sweet. Rochester is supposed to be flirty, wicked, lecherous, playful, intense, and quick-witted. Ethan is kind of mopey, gentle, and - again with this - sweet. I do like them, and they do make a good couple...but they don't sizzle.

This is equal parts fascinating and boring. The factoids are interesting, but the plot and characters are boring. What makes Bronte's writing so titillating is the pent-up energy and relentless sexual tension that lights it up from within. Here she is portrayed as prudish, sanctimonious, exacting, and notably missing the dreamy, curious, freewheeling, and even impish nature of the original. Strike one.

Man, this dude really phoned it in on the sex scenes. WTH?

Sad to report this is not for me. I can see the charm...without experiencing any of it for myself. Kind of like Narnia? If I had liked Narnia. I hope the author writes another book with the deep, spiritual philosophy - and aliens! - of his previous one.

Book of Strange New Things was one of my all-time favorites, but Under the Skin was just meh. I'm hopeful for this one and excited about the fairytale elements.

I've decided that 2021 is going to be my year to read all the Thomas Hardy novels I never got to over the past 5 decades. I might need a prescription for antidepressants, but I still say it will be worth it. Pray for me.

I'm having a tough time with this one because the characters are universally vapid and cruel. My own poetic values of tenderness and connection are jarringly absent in _every single_ interaction. It makes me a bit suicidal in reaction.

Call me a bitch if you must, but Anna's stunning literary insights that so impress her tenured professor are truly some 7th grade level shit. WTF?

So far this dude is exactly the sort of self-important, humorless professor I would toss vigorously into the DNF (do not fuck) pile. The dangerous ones are the helpful, playful, enthusiastic sorts who jump to help direct you to the mail room housed in the basement of the administration building...

I never really thought of Alfed Barnes as kinky, but I like the notion. It would certainly explain a few things.

Welp, I am trying it, but my first impression is booooooring. SO boring. I am ashamed of myself because Byatt is so intelligent and multi-layered. I'm sure the fault lies with me and my toddler-like attention span. But seriously. I tried everything I could think of to inspire myself to give a fuck and ended up listening to 90's pop music instead because I could not face this book again for even an instant.

So now it's more like Children of a Lesser God meets Cold Mountain, with a hint of Rapunzel. Still digging it.

So far this is like a really interesting combination of the Scarlet Letter and the Little Mermaid, with a pinch of Silence of the Lambs.

Man, the fat shaming is strong with this one. It's ticking me off, actually.