Rhiannon Bacon > Recent Status Updates

You may be quick to write off low-level emotional wounds by thinking, It wasn't that bad...other people have it so much worse. But over time, even low-level emotional wounds can have an effect on your sense of worth and well-being. You don't squint at your computer screen and think, Well other people have worse problems with their eyes, so I don't deserve to go to the optometrist. You have a right to feel and to heal

Some people think that in order to be happy they must avoid all suffering, and so they are constantly vigilant, constantly worrying. If you can recognize and accept your passion without running away from it, you will discover that although pain is there, joy can also be there at the same time.

Some say that suffering is only an illusion or that we have to transcend both suffering and joy. I say the opposite.

The art of happiness is also the art of suffering well.

You can be in a relationship only with a person, not a potential.

...some shocking statistics from a Harvard Women's Health Watch article: "One study, which examined data from more than 309,000 people, found that lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50% – an effect on mortality risk roughly comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day."

Boundaries never require input or compliance from another person. For example, you might try to set a boundary with your wife that you want to get to the airport two hours ahead of departure. Asking her to leave early is a request. A boundary would be to tell her, "If you choose not to leave for the airport on time, I will choose to take an Uber and meet you there." Boundaries are all about you and your choices.

There's a famous Buddhist saying that you can apply to intimacy: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Said another way, conflict is inevitable, but fighting is optional.

Many people confuse compassion with permission–but they are not the same.

Genuine self-compassion is a daring quest to know every corner of your inner world. It is a journey to befriend ALL of the parts of yourself. Genuine self-compassion requires you to refuse to abandon even the most shadowy parts of your psyche. Not all behaviors are acceptable, but all parts are valuable.

Every shadow part has the potential to provide valuable gifts. The solution is to develop a relationship with and an outlet for your shadow parts. When you begin to get curious about your inner world, you realize it's often the parts of yourself you hate the most that are trying the hardest to help you.

We're trained to value goodness over wholeness.

Shadow work is just a fancy way to say "being honest with yourself about yourself."

Part of the reason you sometimes feel crazy is because you've likely been taught to seek balance. There's definitely a place for balance-seeking...But balance is not how a healthy nervous system operates. Rather than a static nervous system, a dynamic system is the goal. A dynamic system is capable of change and smoothly transitions between active and resting states.

Trauma is not an illness – it is an injury and it can heal.

When you start feeling sick...you stay hydrated and rest. You don't think, 'This is just who I am.'

The thinking of [the 1500s] also produced a belief that persists to this day—the belief that feeling stuck is due to laziness or lack of motivation. Somehow, despite centuries of progress, laziness continues to be the shaming and judgemental explanation for science-based behavior. Lazy is a moral judgement—not a biological reality.

He respected his cats more than people: they didn't respond to love, or to efforts at care; they simply demanded their due.

You can experience genuine joy only to the degree that you understand and accept all parts of yourself. Unaddressed grief, unresolved anger, relational conflict, and unhealthy habits can all contribute to feeling stuck. Decode your brain, develop boundary-setting strategies, and regain your ability to live an authentic life. When you understand the language of stuck, you can quickly find resources.

CBT is a mind-based solution that uses the power of thoughts to change feelings. Body-based therapies use the power of feelings to change thoughts. We need both.

If you never start doing things, you can numb out by fantasizing about "someday" doing things.

Depression is often a signal point TO a problem, not the problem itself. Both anxiety and depression are efforts by your brain to protect you from harm.

There are no negative emotions. There are uncomfortable and scary emotions, but even our most unpleasant emotions have an important function... Until you believe that getting unstuck will be worth the fear of facing your emotions, you'll continue to stay stuck.

Our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. Our nervous systems are trained to conserve as much energy as possible. Staying stuck is an efficient use of resources when the goal is survival. Staying stuck is problematic when the goal is productivity. Understanding the perks of staying stuck is the first step toward change.

Instead of judging your behavior, you need to get curious about it. Curiosity is fuel for the change process. When you can observe your behaviors with curiosity, it's easier to see their benefits. Understanding the function of a behavior is the key to changing it.

Don't feel like you have to deal with everything at once. If numbing out safely helps you make it through the day, enabling you to take care of your responsibilities, you're allowed to numb. We all need a numb-out session periodically.

Many initially balk at the notion that feeling like an anxious wreck is a sign of strength. But it takes a herculean amount of strength to tolerate the feeling of anxiety–and an even greater amount of courage to listen to the message of anxiety. [It's] more convenient than ever to run from the quiet inner voice of truth. It is not a sign of strength to be numb. It is not a sign of weakness to feel emotional pain.

We need to ask not what is wrong with anxiety but what is right about it... Anxiety does not need to be "fixed" – it needs to be understood.

Anxiety is not intended to hurt you but to help you if you're unsafe or veering away from authenticity. Limping after you twist your ankle isn't a disease – the pain is a signal that an injury needs attention. Instead of viewing anxiety as a disease, look at it as a signal; this is a more effective framework for getting unstuck.

Trying to "get rid of" anxiety is as counterproductive as trying to disable the check-engine light on your car

"If you feel guilty because 'other people have it worse,' remember – perspective is helpful, but comparison is not."