Rhiannon Bacon > Recent Status Updates

Many of us are willing to spend six or eight years studying to get a diploma. We believe it's necessary for us to be happy. But very few of us are willing to spend three or six months, or even a year, training ourselves to handle our sadness or our anger, to listen with compassion, and to use loving speech.

Understanding should not be only empty knowledge, but deep insight. Insight is not the outcome of thinking. Insight is a kind of direct intuitive vision that you get from strong concentration. It's not a product of thinking. It is a deep intuition. And, if it is a real insight, it will have the power to free you from your anger, your fear, your suffering.

It's my conviction that we cannot change the world if we're not able to change our way of thinking. Collective awakening is made of individual awakening. You have to wake yourself up first, and then those around you have a chance. When we ourselves suffer less we can be more helpful and we can help others to change too. Peace, awakening, and enlightenment always begin with you. You are the one you need to count on.

The question you need to ask is not "What's wrong with me?" but rather "What is right about this behavior?" Most people try to attack habits from the angle of behavior modification rather than behavior comprehension. Your habits serve a function. Knowing the function of your habit is key to changing it.

Skillful parents attend to injuries. They do not avoid injuries.

If we take care of the suffering inside us, we have more clarity, energy, and strength to help address the suffering violence, poverty, and inequity of our loved ones as well as the suffering in our community and the world. If we know how to take care of our suffering, we not only suffer much, much less, we also create more happiness around us and in the world.

You may be quick to write off low-level emotional wounds by thinking, It wasn't that bad...other people have it so much worse. But over time, even low-level emotional wounds can have an effect on your sense of worth and well-being. You don't squint at your computer screen and think, Well other people have worse problems with their eyes, so I don't deserve to go to the optometrist. You have a right to feel and to heal

Some people think that in order to be happy they must avoid all suffering, and so they are constantly vigilant, constantly worrying. If you can recognize and accept your passion without running away from it, you will discover that although pain is there, joy can also be there at the same time.

Some say that suffering is only an illusion or that we have to transcend both suffering and joy. I say the opposite.

The art of happiness is also the art of suffering well.

You can be in a relationship only with a person, not a potential.

...some shocking statistics from a Harvard Women's Health Watch article: "One study, which examined data from more than 309,000 people, found that lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50% – an effect on mortality risk roughly comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day."

Boundaries never require input or compliance from another person. For example, you might try to set a boundary with your wife that you want to get to the airport two hours ahead of departure. Asking her to leave early is a request. A boundary would be to tell her, "If you choose not to leave for the airport on time, I will choose to take an Uber and meet you there." Boundaries are all about you and your choices.

There's a famous Buddhist saying that you can apply to intimacy: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Said another way, conflict is inevitable, but fighting is optional.

Many people confuse compassion with permission–but they are not the same.

Genuine self-compassion is a daring quest to know every corner of your inner world. It is a journey to befriend ALL of the parts of yourself. Genuine self-compassion requires you to refuse to abandon even the most shadowy parts of your psyche. Not all behaviors are acceptable, but all parts are valuable.

Every shadow part has the potential to provide valuable gifts. The solution is to develop a relationship with and an outlet for your shadow parts. When you begin to get curious about your inner world, you realize it's often the parts of yourself you hate the most that are trying the hardest to help you.

We're trained to value goodness over wholeness.

Shadow work is just a fancy way to say "being honest with yourself about yourself."

Part of the reason you sometimes feel crazy is because you've likely been taught to seek balance. There's definitely a place for balance-seeking...But balance is not how a healthy nervous system operates. Rather than a static nervous system, a dynamic system is the goal. A dynamic system is capable of change and smoothly transitions between active and resting states.

Trauma is not an illness – it is an injury and it can heal.

When you start feeling sick...you stay hydrated and rest. You don't think, 'This is just who I am.'

The thinking of [the 1500s] also produced a belief that persists to this day—the belief that feeling stuck is due to laziness or lack of motivation. Somehow, despite centuries of progress, laziness continues to be the shaming and judgemental explanation for science-based behavior. Lazy is a moral judgement—not a biological reality.

He respected his cats more than people: they didn't respond to love, or to efforts at care; they simply demanded their due.

You can experience genuine joy only to the degree that you understand and accept all parts of yourself. Unaddressed grief, unresolved anger, relational conflict, and unhealthy habits can all contribute to feeling stuck. Decode your brain, develop boundary-setting strategies, and regain your ability to live an authentic life. When you understand the language of stuck, you can quickly find resources.

CBT is a mind-based solution that uses the power of thoughts to change feelings. Body-based therapies use the power of feelings to change thoughts. We need both.

If you never start doing things, you can numb out by fantasizing about "someday" doing things.

Depression is often a signal point TO a problem, not the problem itself. Both anxiety and depression are efforts by your brain to protect you from harm.

There are no negative emotions. There are uncomfortable and scary emotions, but even our most unpleasant emotions have an important function... Until you believe that getting unstuck will be worth the fear of facing your emotions, you'll continue to stay stuck.

Our brains are wired for survival, not happiness. Our nervous systems are trained to conserve as much energy as possible. Staying stuck is an efficient use of resources when the goal is survival. Staying stuck is problematic when the goal is productivity. Understanding the perks of staying stuck is the first step toward change.

Instead of judging your behavior, you need to get curious about it. Curiosity is fuel for the change process. When you can observe your behaviors with curiosity, it's easier to see their benefits. Understanding the function of a behavior is the key to changing it.