Pariap > Recent Status Updates

“At half past three in the morning I woke up. And immediately elastic I jumped out of bed. I came to write you. I mean: be.”

(Midnight creation, wake me tonight!)

“I got used to painting, delving into the intimate nature of things. But now the time to stop painting has come in order to remake myself, I remake myself in these lines. I have a voice. As I throw myself into the line of my drawing, this is an exercise in life without planning. The world has no visible order and all I have is the order of my breath. I let myself happen.”

I no longer want to be I! but I stick to myself-

What you will know of me is the shadow of the arrow that has hit its target.

I then fear myself who knows how to paint the horror, I, creature of echoing caverns that I am, and I suffocate because I am word and also its echo.

I enter the writing slowly as I once entered painting. It is a world tangled up in creepers, syllables, woodbine, colors and words—threshold of an ancestral cavern that is the womb of the world and from it I shall be born.

I’m entering a very new and genuine chapter, curious about itself, so appealing and personal that I can’t paint it or write it. It’s like moments I had with you, when I would love you, moments I couldn’t go past because I descended into their depths.

“writing I can’t manufacture something as in painting, when I use my craft to mix a color. But I’m trying to write to you with my whole body, loosing an arrow that will sink into the tender and neuralgic centre of the word.[…] I don’t paint ideas, I paint the unattainable “forever.” Or “for never,” it amounts to the same.”

Michel Seuphor: “There must be a painting totally free of dependence on the figure—or object—which, like music, illustrates nothing, tells no story, and launches no myth. Such painting would simply evoke the incommunicable kingdoms of the spirit, where dream becomes thought, where line becomes existence.”

“Even my voice seemed to me more a sound in my mind than a reality.”

“I was like a lump pf food that my children chewed without stopping.”

«مغز یک منبع نیست، یک رابطه‌ست با جهان. آن رابطه، آگاهی‌ست.»

«آفریدن تصویر شسته‌رفته‌ای از آزادی که بپاید، وظیفه‌ی خیالی است که در بن‌بست هستی گیر افتاده است. برای همین است که اگر قرار است به کشف معنای ملموس و دقیق آزادی در جهانی ناموافق نائل آییم، باید سر در پی قوه‌ی خیال بگذاریم.»

«فلسفه‌ی اگزیستانسیالیستیِ ژان پل سارتر دفاع ساده‌لوحانه‌ای از آزادی نبود، بلکه دشواری دست زدن به گزینش را، در جهانی که عمدتاً خارج از ید قدرت ماست، جهانی که عواقب گزینش‌هایی در آن بس جدی و خطیر است، مطرح و تصدیق می‌کرد.»

“We discussed everything from Bach cantatas to Mann's Faustus to pragmatism to hyperbolic functions to the Cal Labor School to Einstein's theory of curved space.
It was the math-philosophy that was so fas-cinating.”

SS about Allan Cox:
5/23/49

“نووالیس، متفکر آلمانی می‌گوید: «مکانْ، رسوبِ زمان است.»”

(مکان، حاصل انباشتِ تاریخ و زمان-این شکلی در نظر می‌گیریم که زمان[جریان پویا]در خودش ته‌نشین می‌کنه و بوجود آورنده‌ی تاریخ و هویتی هست، که به مکان می‌رسه.)

“It was true that when I spoke to her in Spanish I was not translating, I was not thinking my thoughts in English first, but I was nevertheless outside the language I was speaking, building simple sentences with the blocks I’d memorized, not communicating through a fluid medium.”

“what painting would you most like to stand in front of hour after hour, day after day? It wasn’t the same question as what is your favorite painting.”

“I ordered a drink in Spanish and the waiter clarified my order in English.” LMAO__this is a common experience for me as a non-native speaker in Italy.

“I experienced the shape of pain but no pain”

“because the true poem remains beyond you, inscribed on the far side of the mirror: “You have it but you don’t have it. / You miss it, it misses you. / You miss each other.”

“You have a poetic license.”

“because the cigarette or spliff was an indispensable technology, a substitute for speech in social situations, a way to occupy the mouth and hands when alone, a deep breathing technique that rendered exhalation material, a way to measure and/or pass the time. More important than the easily satisfiable addiction”

“Many people, I believed, used similar drugs to remove themselves from their experience, but because, for as long as I could remember, I always already felt removed from my experience, I took the drug to intensify the vantage from said remove, and so experienced it as an intensification of presence, but only at my customary distance from myself; maybe, when I panicked, that distance was collapsing.”

[These periods of rain or periods between rains in which I was smoking and reading Tolstoy would be,impossible to narrate,and that impossibility entered the experience:the particular texture of my loneliness derived in part from my sense that I could only share it,could only describe it,as pure transition,a slow dissolve between scenes,as boredom,my projects uneventful third phase,possessed of no intrinsic content.]

“do you feel like he actually likes you for who you are, or does he make you feel like you have to impress him?”

5/17/49
 
“Finished [Hermann Hesse’s] Demian today and was, on the whole, greatly disappointed.”

Sick. Sick. Sick.

“They don’t see it, you’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met and they don’t even notice, they should be . . .” His own stammering sincerity frightened him, but he forced himself to keep speaking. He had to give Julian something of himself that wasn’t needy and grasping, something that burned itself alive to exalt him.”

“-he survived parties full of strangers by being invisible, and he excelled at it.”