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«آفریدن تصویر شسته‌رفته‌ای از آزادی که بپاید، وظیفه‌ی خیالی است که در بن‌بست هستی گیر افتاده است. برای همین است که اگر قرار است به کشف معنای ملموس و دقیق آزادی در جهانی ناموافق نائل آییم، باید سر در پی قوه‌ی خیال بگذاریم.»

«فلسفه‌ی اگزیستانسیالیستیِ ژان پل سارتر دفاع ساده‌لوحانه‌ای از آزادی نبود، بلکه دشواری دست زدن به گزینش را، در جهانی که عمدتاً خارج از ید قدرت ماست، جهانی که عواقب گزینش‌هایی در آن بس جدی و خطیر است، مطرح و تصدیق می‌کرد.»

“We discussed everything from Bach cantatas to Mann's Faustus to pragmatism to hyperbolic functions to the Cal Labor School to Einstein's theory of curved space.
It was the math-philosophy that was so fas-cinating.”

SS about Allan Cox:
5/23/49

“نووالیس، متفکر آلمانی می‌گوید: «مکانْ، رسوبِ زمان است.»”

(مکان، حاصل انباشتِ تاریخ و زمان-این شکلی در نظر می‌گیریم که زمان[جریان پویا]در خودش ته‌نشین می‌کنه و بوجود آورنده‌ی تاریخ و هویتی هست، که به مکان می‌رسه.)

“It was true that when I spoke to her in Spanish I was not translating, I was not thinking my thoughts in English first, but I was nevertheless outside the language I was speaking, building simple sentences with the blocks I’d memorized, not communicating through a fluid medium.”

“what painting would you most like to stand in front of hour after hour, day after day? It wasn’t the same question as what is your favorite painting.”

“I ordered a drink in Spanish and the waiter clarified my order in English.” LMAO__this is a common experience for me as a non-native speaker in Italy.

“I experienced the shape of pain but no pain”

“because the true poem remains beyond you, inscribed on the far side of the mirror: “You have it but you don’t have it. / You miss it, it misses you. / You miss each other.”

“You have a poetic license.”

“because the cigarette or spliff was an indispensable technology, a substitute for speech in social situations, a way to occupy the mouth and hands when alone, a deep breathing technique that rendered exhalation material, a way to measure and/or pass the time. More important than the easily satisfiable addiction”

“Many people, I believed, used similar drugs to remove themselves from their experience, but because, for as long as I could remember, I always already felt removed from my experience, I took the drug to intensify the vantage from said remove, and so experienced it as an intensification of presence, but only at my customary distance from myself; maybe, when I panicked, that distance was collapsing.”

[These periods of rain or periods between rains in which I was smoking and reading Tolstoy would be,impossible to narrate,and that impossibility entered the experience:the particular texture of my loneliness derived in part from my sense that I could only share it,could only describe it,as pure transition,a slow dissolve between scenes,as boredom,my projects uneventful third phase,possessed of no intrinsic content.]

“do you feel like he actually likes you for who you are, or does he make you feel like you have to impress him?”

5/17/49
 
“Finished [Hermann Hesse’s] Demian today and was, on the whole, greatly disappointed.”

Sick. Sick. Sick.

“They don’t see it, you’re the most brilliant person I’ve ever met and they don’t even notice, they should be . . .” His own stammering sincerity frightened him, but he forced himself to keep speaking. He had to give Julian something of himself that wasn’t needy and grasping, something that burned itself alive to exalt him.”

“-he survived parties full of strangers by being invisible, and he excelled at it.”

او در برابر انجام روانکاوی مقاومت میکرد(اگر چه آخرين بار در دسامبر ١٩١٥، با فرويد ملاقات كرد)به قول ریلکه، اگر آنها شیاطینش را از وجودش بیرون میکردند، فرشتگانش را نیز بیرون میراندند. نوشتن جوهر وجود او بود، هستی دیگری نداشت.

در سال‌های بحران به اين فكر افتاد که توجهش به هنرهاى تجسمى به نحوى توانايى‌اش را براى عشق ورزيدن، تحليل برده است. پس در شعر معروفِ «نقطه
عطف»
١٩١٢) ٣٩) به خود هشدار داد:
پايان گرفته كار چشمان
اكنون به كار دل بپرداز.

ديدگاهی سخت مكانى-فضايى نسبت به هنر به صورت نوعى در بند كردن محيط مادى اتّخاذ كرده بود، نوعى شيفتگى نسبت به ذاتِ باد، جاذبه زمين، و جَوّ.

«دلبستكى ريلكه به ايتاليا به اندازه بسيارى از نويسندگان نبود»

“…men like this, whose hands were steady even when they were drunk and who knew how to hit their wives and children without leaving a mark.”

“Those people don’t care about anything except reinforcing their own fucking normalcy by making you reflect it back at them—”

“I don’t understand why you haven’t tried it yet,” Julian said carelessly. He glanced at Paul’s mouth, so fleetingly that he might have imagined it. “I wouldn’t stop you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You could do anything to me and I’d let you.”
[…]
“It feels like it would be disrespectful.”
“I don’t need you to treat me respectfully. I’m not made of glass.”

“If I have to deal with one more person today, I’ll fucking kill myself.”
[…]
he said, very quietly, “I can leave.”
“Don’t be dumb,” said Julian, “you don’t count.”

“Arendt is mandatory,” said Julian.
[…]
She gets at why behavioral norms can’t function as a conscience—the purpose of social norms is to norm, not to attain moral perfection”

“having a profound experience of art was probably the experience of this distance, a profound experience of the absence of profundity.”

“I had long worried that I was incapable of having a profound experience of art and I had trouble believing that anyone had, at least anyone I knew. I was intensely suspicious of people who claimed a poem or painting or piece of music “changed their life,” especially since I had often known these people before and after their experience and could register no change.”

I wanted so much to feel a physical attraction for him and prove, at least, that I am bisexual_

Nothing but humiliation and degradation at the thought of physical relations with a man—The first time I kissed him—a very long kiss—I thought quite distinctly: “Is this all?—it’s so silly”—I tried! I did try—but I know now it can never be—I want to hide—Oh, and I’ve messed up Peter’s life so—