Pariap > Recent Status Updates

“I don’t understand why you haven’t tried it yet,” Julian said carelessly. He glanced at Paul’s mouth, so fleetingly that he might have imagined it. “I wouldn’t stop you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You could do anything to me and I’d let you.”
[…]
“It feels like it would be disrespectful.”
“I don’t need you to treat me respectfully. I’m not made of glass.”

“If I have to deal with one more person today, I’ll fucking kill myself.”
[…]
he said, very quietly, “I can leave.”
“Don’t be dumb,” said Julian, “you don’t count.”

“Arendt is mandatory,” said Julian.
[…]
She gets at why behavioral norms can’t function as a conscience—the purpose of social norms is to norm, not to attain moral perfection”

“having a profound experience of art was probably the experience of this distance, a profound experience of the absence of profundity.”

“I had long worried that I was incapable of having a profound experience of art and I had trouble believing that anyone had, at least anyone I knew. I was intensely suspicious of people who claimed a poem or painting or piece of music “changed their life,” especially since I had often known these people before and after their experience and could register no change.”

I wanted so much to feel a physical attraction for him and prove, at least, that I am bisexual_

Nothing but humiliation and degradation at the thought of physical relations with a man—The first time I kissed him—a very long kiss—I thought quite distinctly: “Is this all?—it’s so silly”—I tried! I did try—but I know now it can never be—I want to hide—Oh, and I’ve messed up Peter’s life so—

“The problem for me is to transform a detached intellectual scepticism into a way of harmonious all-round living.”
P[oin]t Counter P[oin]t

“… Emotionally, I wanted to stay. Intellectually, I wanted to leave. As always, I seemed to enjoy punishing myself.”
2/19/49

“my mind mastered by spasms of uncontrollable desire—“

“I was once terrifiedly and neurotically religious and thought I should one day become a Catholic, now I feel that I have lesbian tendencies (how reluctantly I write this)—“

Oh Sontag. 💙💙💙💙

“What, I ask, drives me to disorder? How can I diagnose myself? All I feel, most immediately, is the most anguished need for physical love and mental companionship—I am very young, and perhaps the disturbing aspect of my sexual ambitions will be outgrown—frankly, I don’t care. My need is so overwhelming and time, in my obsession, so short—“

12/25/48 
“I’m completely engrossed, at this moment, in one of the most beautiful musical works I’ve ever heard—the Vivaldi B Minor p”

“… Poetry must be: exact, intense, concrete, significant, rhythmical, formal, complex
 
… Art, then, is thus always striving to be independent of the mere intelligence …
 
… Language is not only an instrument but an end in itself …”

“It is useless for me to record only the satisfying parts of my existence—(There are too few of them anyway!) Let me note all the sickening waste of today, that I shall not be easy with myself and compromise my tomorrows.”

“How can I help me, make me cruel?”

“How easy it would be to convince myself of the plausibility of my parents’ life! If I saw only them and their friends for a year, would resign myself—surrender? Does my “intelligence” need frequent rejuvenation at the springs of other’s dissatisfaction and die without it?”

«کاش خدا زودتر این سایه‌اش را که مثل بختک روی ما انداخته، بردارد.»

۲۴/۹/۱۳۵۷

«عکسِ تیرباران شدگان با چشمِ بسته، بدن طناب‌پیچ و سر فروافتاده، دل گرفته و سرزنش‌آمیز، سرزنشی در همه چیز، سرزنشِ ما که مانده بودیم و تماشا می‌کردیم.»

۱۲/۹/۱۳۵۷
خاطراتی که مسکوب می‌نویسه، من رو یادِ ۱۸ دی در تهران می‌ندازه. که البته، با وحوش کم‌تر.

مغز عشق و فرامغز هر دو قادر به تفکرند. فیلسوف آنها را برای دیگر استعدادها بازتولید می‌نماید. اما در تمام مدت متوجه است که آن تصاویر ایده‌های خودش نیستند، بلکه ایده‌های ابدی و تغییرناپذیری‌اند که او از وجودشان آگاه شده است.

یک عاشق باید جفتی از همان نوع ذهن خود را انتخاب کند؛ چرا که ما با همدردی فکری شروع می‌کنیم.
(دارم فکر می‌کنم چقدر این جمله درسته؟)

جوان‌تر که بودم، فکر می‌کردم بدون راحتی و نازونعمت اصلاً نتوانم زندگی کنم.
بعد به این نتیجه رسیدم که بدون دوستانم نمی‌توانم زندگی کنم.
-حالا نظرت چیست؟
-حالا فکر می‌کنم می‌توانم از همه چیز بگذرم.

“That some days he missed Shane so much it felt like claws were digging into his heart.”

💔💔💔💔

“Ilya gently licked the spot, and Shane squirmed happily.
“Mine.” Ilya’s breath tickled Shane’s skin when he spoke the single word.
“Yours,” Shane said dreamily.
“All of this. For two weeks. Is mine.”
Forever, Shane wanted to say. Forever if you ask.”

KILL ME.

“Shane met Ilya’s intense gaze. His eyes were daring him to stay, and, god, Shane wanted to take that dare.”
😭😭😭😭

“I started to eat my peach, but it didn’t make things any better. If only it were winter, […], I wouldn’t need anybody else if it were winter.”