Morphing_kashi > Recent Status Updates

“The Art of the Knot,” I read, cracking the book open. I hungrily pored over it, wondering what I could try on him.

And so it begins. 😏

“Perhaps you’ll feel differently in two years when you seek me out to ask if you’ll ever find your fated mate.”
Her eyelids fluttered in surprise. “Excuse me? I have my fated mate.”
[..]“Mm, I’m afraid that’s not correct,” he said, as evenly and pleasantly as if he were giving directions. “Because he’s been sleeping with him.[..]The omega you’ve been worried about."

This was gold.

And after so many years of helping people find their mates, seeing the expressions of happiness on their faces and the return visits from all the clients I’d successfully helped, I’d begun to wonder what I was missing out on.
And then there was Markos, rubbing at my crotch with a dishtowel.

That's what you've been missing out on.

“I don’t suppose you’d refrain from running away tonight?”
“Oh no, wait just one moment! I haven’t fallen for you yet, you see, and—”
“That doesn’t matter one bit. Don’t be so stubborn.”
“I think it does matter!! Listen, even I would like to have a proper romance!!”

Miss, we call that sexual assault. Consent is important.

Explain the situation! What’s going on?! I returned to my family home to take my vacation, and a wife I’ve never met was waiting there! Why?!”
Walt and Kyle give Claude disbelieving looks.
“Elefas, you’ve got a wife? When did you get married?”
“No one told us. Don’t we owe you a present or—?”
“No one told me, either! I just heard!” Elefas bellows.

Understandable that he's upset.

“This is the destiny I just lost! The destiny you people won!”
The loser defeated by destiny howls with laughter, and it echoes through the sky over the floating, rotting palace.

Fine, let's say you destroy the entire world. Then what?

"I’ve made it possible for you to use both sacred power and magic, so you should be able to deal with whatever problems you encounter in any era with brute force."
“You know, it sounds as if you’ve given your son far too many cheat skills!!”
“Lady Aileen, it’s only an image.”

Villainess loaded her son with all the cheat codes.

"The Divine Maiden Academy is built on top of an underground ruin that houses a sarcophagus containing the first Daughter of God’s body, and it’s a girls’ school, so no boys allowed! That sounds deliciously naughty, doesn’t it?!"
“If it’s a girls’ school, aren’t all the romanceable characters older professors…?”
“Oh, there are boys of the same age there, because of course there are.

Of course there are.

“You didn’t have to swindle Mr. Croaksworth,” Beatrice said. “You put yourself—and my sister—in terrible danger. Why not just get a job?”
“A job?” Frank said. “How dare you!”

What a preposterous concept.

“This is all simply devastating,” Mrs. Steele was telling Drake. “To think, Mr. Croaksworth was about to marry my daughter, and then he just dropped dead. No one has worse luck than me.”
“Apart from Mr. Croaksworth,” Drake replied.

Debatable.

“Good evening, Miss Steele. You are the ninth-loveliest woman at this ball.”
“Thank you,” Beatrice said with a curtsy, “though I think there are fewer than nine women in attendance.”

Tough crowd.

“Oh! How did they die?” Beatrice asked, her interest piqued.
[..]“It’s very tragic,” Louisa said. “They had just moved to a new mansion in Bath with fifty-nine bedrooms. Unfortunately, the two of them got lost on their way to breakfast. Their servants didn’t find them until it was too late—they had wasted away.”

Relatable.

In the English countryside there was a small township called Swampshire, comprised of several lovely mansions and one disgusting swamp.

Honestly, checks out.

“Damn, it even records that,” he said, glancing down at his crotch.
Basil shot him a disbelieving glance. “You’re kidding,” he said, before taking the book. [..]When the page finished glowing, he read what was written while lips curved into a shit-eating grin, before he handed it back to Yala.
“I win.”
[..]“It doesn’t count as better just because you have two of them.”

Doesn't it?🤣

“Really, Clayton? Tell me what it looks like then, cause from where I’m standing it looks like YOU’RE FUCKING MY SISTER!”
Oh my. Guess we weren’t the only ones having a bit of fun.
Dante and I shared a look, before he waved me over to kneel by the hedge to better listen.
“She just fell!” the man cried.
“On his dick?” I whispered.

Could happen to anyone. 😏

“I just don’t know what to do about him,” I said finally.
“You don’t know what to do with the hot rich man with the magical castle, who vowed to take you anywhere you wanted to go?” Alexis hummed and leaned against the rock. “Honey, I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t understand the problem.”

That makes two of us.

Dante’s grin came straight for the cartilage in my knees and I had to focus to stay upright.

The cartilage?? Just say your knees grew weak.

“Cherry, you are reading way too much into this. A man got high and bit you. It doesn’t mean it’s going to end in cannibalism.”

Words to live by.

There she found Scrope, studded with at least
two dozen stab wounds. Not quite dead, but not quite alive, either.
“What did you do?” gasped Aurienne.
“He fell,” said Mordaunt.
“He fell?”
“Yes. On the fork.”
“He fell on the fork? Twenty times?”
“Yes. Due to…fear.”
“What was he afraid of?”
“The fork.”

Could be aichmophobia, could be argyrophobia. We'll never know.

Aurienne studied the scars that bisected his back amid lean muscle. Harm to none aside, if one were to add to the tapestry, most of the lines required to spell TWAT were already there; it wanted only two diagonals.

Chance.

“That’s a messy kill,” said the deofol, jutting its chin towards the body.
“My client wished to send a message,” said Osric.
“Was the message I don’t know where the jugular is and had to stab him
twelve times to find it?” asked the deofol.

You get what you pay for.

“You’re a member of the Fyren Order, sir,” said Shuttleworth. “P-perhaps you could envisage an early retirement?”
A brutally stupid question to which Osric replied, “Do you know how Fyren are retired?”
“Er—no, sir.”
“Death.”
“Ah.”
“Bit of a problem, isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir.”

At least he doesn't have to save up for his pension.

“She’s just running late, or something.”
Sarah frowns.
Her voice cracks. “It’s Rhodes, Iliana.”
Sarah’s words don’t register at first. It’s like she’s speaking another language.
“Alice is Rhodes Ingram.”

You're blind, Iliana.

“The Kitamura couple and Yoshikawa died for me too. As a farewell gift for the two of us….”
‘He’d gone completely mad. That was all I understood. He didn’t listen to anything I said and was talking about how the two of them were heading for a new stage, something about the blessings of the grand darkness, that I needed to take good care of the present he’d sent me.

Doesn't sound at all unhinged.

‘Who bothers to lock his door for people he knows? It’s not like he’s some sort of scared girl.’
‘Tonight’s a bright night.’
Pretending not to hear Carr, Poe gazed up towards the decagonal skylight.
‘I think it was full moon two days ago,’ Leroux observed.

Maybe he's a werewolf.

But there it wasn’t presented as a normal magic trick, but as an experiment in ESP. The magician seduced the girl by saying that if they were soul mates, they’d choose the same card.’

It's only 1 in 52. As far as 'soulmate' chances go, it's a high one.

Then, in what seemed an attempt to really spite Fujitaka, Runa herself turned up at our house with a suitcase and forced me to run away with her. She seemed to have some sort of elopement in mind, but the hiding place she’d come up with turned out to be a business hotel about ten minutes’ walk from her house.

Beware of the criminal mastermind.

‘Grandfather secretly planned Dad’s demotion?’
[..]‘It’s the same with our dad! Grandfather paid this Tsurui girl to ruin his life. She seduced him, then spread the rumours so Dad would get fired. He planned the whole thing!’

At this point, I'd stop trying to prevent the murder from happening. 🤣

‘Still, I don’t see why that means we get to peek in his diaries,’ replied Yoshio.
‘If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. Haven’t you heard that one?

Sun Tzu the GOAT.

Listen, I like him, I really do. But if his love is conditional on me wearing underwear that sounds frankly impractical, or doing things that sound like they’d cause serious muscle pain, then count me out. That’s not the kind of woman I want to be. Get this into your head: I want to be with him as his equal. Not his toy.’

👏 for Mai!