Cole’s Reviews > Sadly, Porn > Status Update

Almost done, only a couple footnotes left and should be smoother sailing from here. This book as affected my mind greatly in the way I see people’s behavior in relationships. How we use defenses, avoid fantasy, want to be told how to want, to be compelled to act, balancing ledgers, depriving others — all these things serving as a barrier to true love.

Reading this primarily this week. Ideas aren’t necessarily new at this point, just being reinforced with more examples.

E.g., creating an elaborate fantasy for an omnipotent entity to deprive another since they enjoyed more than you, being resentful of being depended on, doing things for an audience and letting them be the judge.

A simple thing that’s stuck: one day, no matter what, I will be depended on.

Been a minute since I picked this up.

Another common theme: love without obligation. Love is only aspirational if it is done without obligation. If it is a child’s real mother, there love doesn’t count, because they are only doing their duty. Why is obligation bad? Because it proves that the replacement (the child) is more important than the parent.

Crazy to think I’m not even halfway — by the GR calculation about 40%.

Lack of enjoyment qua purpose of social media = Depriving others. Inability to act. Privacy is dangerous because it leads to fantasy which leads to action. Control the fantasy by pornographizing everything = making everything public. If it’s public it’s someone else’s fantasy so no more responsibility. And so on

Takes hours to get through a small amount of pages. It’s getting into the meat and potatoes re porn at this point. Voyeurism is more acceptable than fantasy, it’s not our own fantasy if it’s online so we’re not perverts, the woman taking a picture of herself is a slut if she hands it to others personally but is famous and respected if she posts online - so goes the argument at this point. Some caveats, sure.

You have to get through a lot of build up, an analysis of some obscure novel and history on the temperance movement, then it gradually comes together and the point emerges. It’s difficult to follow at times (the seemingly missing words at times don’t help), but the context does help drive home the elusive point. It’s mind bending, and there’s an apparent desire to subvert all previous interpretations

Inching my way through, reading more consistently now. The use of logic and pointing out of defenses feels like it can undo the common mores surrounding love and porn. It’s hard to wrap my head around at times. Long passages on specific texts, from Oedipus Rex to The Devil Wears Prada. Which I have no experience with, so I just have to go with what’s there. The writing is really good, jargonless,just unorganized.

Feels like I've been on the same 20 pages forever. Getting into some interesting ideas about the human tendency to avoid action and power and the desire to deprive others. Finally finished the long explanation of why the Oedipus Complex is essentially misguided; Oedipus did it because he was doing what was expected for him to want, not out of an unconscious desire.

Still in the erotica section of the book, which I've heard is not analyzed in any way afterwards or otherwise brought up again. Interesting first piece of erotica to read -- "Teach" definitely added some quotes that will make you go Hmm psychoanalytically. The story largely revolves around thoughts/internal monologue/self image vs action, or cognitive dissonance.