Ilse’s Reviews > Outline > Status Update

Again, such a strong vibe of Lispector here, dear Ilse that I start to suspect that either Cusk is familiar with “Near to the wild heart” or they and then we ):-) after then sense something universal and pick it up serendipitously from the human universe:-)

Thank you for the updates. I'm looking forward to your final thoughts on this, especially since it has been on your reading radar for so long. I love Cusk's "voice."

This quote stood out to me, too. A universal wonderment. As Katia observed, Cusk is brilliant at "serendipitously" plucking these universally personal questions out of the ether.

In my life, I never took much time between serious relationships. Now, in my 40's, I regret not taking the time to form my self and to know my self separate from another person. Is that even possible? I also now have children, and my oldest is a person with special needs who may never be capable of living independently. So, I will never be alone. I will never form that autonomous self. Which might only be an illusion, anyway.

I hear John Donne in my head. And Dewey with his emphasis on the social nature of any meaningful kind of learning. "What one is as a person is what one is as associated with others, in a free give and take of intercourse." Do we not exist without "the other"?

Katia wrote: "Again, such a strong vibe of Lispector here, dear Ilse that I start to suspect that either Cusk is familiar with “Near to the wild heart” or they and then we ):-) after then sense something universal and pick it up serendipitously from the human universe:-)
Reading this novel, many reflections of Cusk make me nod if not in agreement than definitely recognising or understanding them, dear Katia, whatever age or gender of Faye's interlocutors, and forgetting every character is Cusk's voice of course :) Did you ever come across indications in which Cusk acknowledges Lispector's influence on her writing? It is so intriguing that her work is not only in conversation with Woolf's but also with Lispector, I really must read her too :). I read that Cusk cited Lispector as an inspiration, but haven't found a direct source of that, apart from her reflection that they would have made great friends :). This particular reflection on marriage and the inability to gauge how much living together closely with another human being eventually changes one struck me as a pretty universal insight, also the question whether one can know oneself without interaction/connection to others? This first part of the trilogy leaves me with a sense that Cusk's books will deliver enough study material for quite a few generations of students and scholars - as Lispector maybe did too :D.

Laura wrote: "Thank you for the updates. I'm looking forward to your final thoughts on this, especially since it has been on your reading radar for so long. I love Cusk's "voice."

This quote stood out to me, to..."
Laura, glad to have reminded you of this book that you loved – after “Parade” and her essays ‘Coventry’, I think it is by this book that I can start to love Cusk’s ‘voice’ as well. (“Parade” intrigued me to no end, but the reflections in this book, the witing style, the smooth shifting from one mind to another resonate much deeper with me – and that quote sent me back to past times and thoughts for a long time, when I was struggling with that impossibility to distinguish how I was before, during and after a lot in my forties, often also feeling a shadow of what I was, with a strong inclination to hide or make myself as invisible as I could, ashamed because unable to embrace or embody an identity (even literarily hiding behind people at work or social gatherings or falling apart when I had to introduce myself in work context).

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment and for being so open on how it was and is for you and on the situation with your oldest child. Your situation echoes mine, I also had those thoughts, and maybe regrets, on not having taken enough time to get to know myself as an autonomous being (out of fear what to find or out of boredom, I am not sure why). For the first time not being in a serious relationship anymore when I was 46, far too quickly having moved from one marriage that ended by the death of my husband to the second marriage, that ended the same. With a now adult child that I can hardly see ever leaving the house either, who needs a lot of care and increasingly clings to me, I often find it hard to make a distinction between his needs and mine, feeling as responsible and anxious for the child as if we are not separate individuals. Sometimes it makes me sad that the situation drains me so much I have not enough energy or room left for other people who mean a lot to me, because I have nothing - at least not enough - to offer them anymore. Perhaps I feel most autonomous in conversation with a book, but also there, one is not alone, it is an exchange between reader and writer…

Donne’s ‘No man is an island’ always has resonated powerfully with me. Maybe it is a belief that is strongly ingrained in me, that one cannot exist without “the other”. The question if we do not exists without “the other” reminds me of Simone de Beauvoir:
Growing, ripening, aging, dying — the passing of time is predestined, inevitable.
There is only one solution if old age is not to be an absurd parody of our former life, and that is to go on pursuing ends that give our existence a meaning — devotion to individuals, to groups or to causes, social, political, intellectual or creative work… In old age we should wish still to have passions strong enough to prevent us turning in on ourselves. One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation, compassion.

Isle,
Thank you for sharing so openly about your life. You convey such confidence in your writing and reflections that I would not have imagined you trying to make yourself smaller in other situations. But, as you said, experiences with and surrounding books often feel safer, more familiar (I also endorse the transactional theory of reading). I obviously cannot comment on your "real" life, but there are dozens and dozens of people on this site who highly value your contributions.

I was recently talking to my sister about the invisibility of middle age that seems to have found me. I don't feel angry about it. It feels freeing: I get to observe the world practically unnoticed. It's comfortable.

Your quote from Simone de Beauvoir is powerful. I don't mind being socially invisible, but I DON'T want my life to lose meaning. I have more opportunity at this point in my life to channel my energy and my passions with intentionality--far more than when I was younger (and my children were younger), and everything I did seemed to come only from necessity.

Audre Lorde's essay "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power" explores the power of the authentic self:
“But the erotic offers a well of replenishing and provocative force to the woman who does not fear its revelation, nor succumb to the belief that sensation is enough. ...
For the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing. Once we know the extent to which we are capable of feeling that sense of satisfaction and completion, we can then observe which of our various life endeavors bring us closest to that fullness.” I will go on pursuing ends that give my existence a meaning.

Thank you again for such thoughtful and personal ruminations.