Kiley’s Reviews > Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive > Status Update
Kiley
is 51% done
“[O]xytocin, the hormone normally associated with tender maternal bonding, also promotes defensive aggression when a mother is protecting her young. Psychologists call this the ‘tend and defend’ response” (p 143).
“Mindfulness aimed at protection doesn’t provide peace of mind; just the opposite. Mindfulness shines a light on harm being done and exposes what needs to change” (p 147).
Doormat vs door
— Oct 21, 2025 07:05PM
“Mindfulness aimed at protection doesn’t provide peace of mind; just the opposite. Mindfulness shines a light on harm being done and exposes what needs to change” (p 147).
Doormat vs door
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Kiley’s Previous Updates
Kiley
is 98% done
“Women are skilled at giving their hearts. The problem is that we give away our power with our hearts if we believe that the source of love and safety lies in a relationship with a partner, rather than in a relationship with ourselves” (p. 285).
“When we give ourselves the attention we long to receive from others, we become remarkably self-sufficient” (p. 288).
— Dec 29, 2025 08:56PM
“When we give ourselves the attention we long to receive from others, we become remarkably self-sufficient” (p. 288).
Kiley
is 89% done
“[W]e start to subordinate what we really want in order to make others happy. This is partly why so many women say yes when they want to say no; they’re afraid no one will love them unless they do” (p. 252).
Self-care: “This is a form of fierce self-compassion aimed at providing for ourselves through activities like taking walks, doing yoga, and eating well” (p. 262).
— Dec 28, 2025 09:17PM
Self-care: “This is a form of fierce self-compassion aimed at providing for ourselves through activities like taking walks, doing yoga, and eating well” (p. 262).
Kiley
is 80% done
Judo “the gentle way”: “For example, while giving an employee or team member instructions—taking charge the way a leader should—if you smile or ask about the person’s well-being, it can soften the negative perception that you’re being demanding” (p. 236).
“The first question to ask yourself is what do I need to care for myself right now?” (p. 243).
— Dec 27, 2025 09:55PM
“The first question to ask yourself is what do I need to care for myself right now?” (p. 243).
Kiley
is 71% done
(p. 197) Motivating Self-Compassion Break:
1. ‘This is my vision of what I want for myself.’
2. ‘ growing pains are part of being human’
3. Supportive gesture (hand on shoulder or fist pump)
4. ‘I have your back. I will support you.’
“Another reason we pummel ourselves is because it gives us the illusion of control” (p. 199).
— Dec 20, 2025 09:40PM
1. ‘This is my vision of what I want for myself.’
2. ‘ growing pains are part of being human’
3. Supportive gesture (hand on shoulder or fist pump)
4. ‘I have your back. I will support you.’
“Another reason we pummel ourselves is because it gives us the illusion of control” (p. 199).
Kiley
is 64% done
“Instead of leaving that question for later, neglecting something we know to be important but don’t have the time to answer, we orient our lives to be satisfied while living it, right now, in the present moment” (p 173).
“Self-indulgence involves choosing short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term harm, and self-compassion always has its eye on the prize: alleviating suffering” (p 189).
— Oct 23, 2025 07:24PM
“Self-indulgence involves choosing short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term harm, and self-compassion always has its eye on the prize: alleviating suffering” (p 189).
Kiley
is 54% done
“Self-criticism is no longer keeping us safe, it’s harming us by undermining our ability to give ourselves the support we need” (p 158).
“Nonconformity to dominant patterns of gendered heterosexual behavior doesn’t cause harm—just the opposite. It’s a brave expression of love and authenticity” (p 167).
— Oct 22, 2025 12:55PM
“Nonconformity to dominant patterns of gendered heterosexual behavior doesn’t cause harm—just the opposite. It’s a brave expression of love and authenticity” (p 167).
Kiley
is 44% done
“When we remember that mistakes are an integral part of the human experience, we take our failings less personally” (p 118)
“We know from psychological research that the more we resist pain, the more we aggravate it” (p 119)
“The meditation teacher Shinzen Young puts this into a mathematical formula: ‘Suffering = Pain × Resistance’”(p 119)
“Typically, emotions have a limited lifespan” (p 120)
— Oct 19, 2025 12:54PM
“We know from psychological research that the more we resist pain, the more we aggravate it” (p 119)
“The meditation teacher Shinzen Young puts this into a mathematical formula: ‘Suffering = Pain × Resistance’”(p 119)
“Typically, emotions have a limited lifespan” (p 120)
Kiley
is 35% done
“After all, sexual harassment, isn’t about sex, it’s about power” (p. 90).
“Our worth is constantly evaluated, relate relative to our ability to satisfy a man’s sexual desire” (p. 93).
“This is why women who have been abused benefit so much from self-compassion, because it helps undo the damage caused to their sense of self” (p. 105).
— Aug 20, 2025 06:49PM
“Our worth is constantly evaluated, relate relative to our ability to satisfy a man’s sexual desire” (p. 93).
“This is why women who have been abused benefit so much from self-compassion, because it helps undo the damage caused to their sense of self” (p. 105).
Kiley
is 28% done
“It’s ironic that anger, which is an inherently powerful emotion, causes women to feel powerless because we’re not allowed to acknowledge anger as part of our true nature” (p. 65).
“Because women aren’t allowed to express anger outwardly the same way that men are, we tend to turn it inward in the form of self-criticism” (p. 68).
— Aug 18, 2025 12:49PM
“Because women aren’t allowed to express anger outwardly the same way that men are, we tend to turn it inward in the form of self-criticism” (p. 68).
