Ryan Caplet’s Reviews > How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk > Status Update

Joanna Faber, Adele Fabre’s daughter, made some good comments about how her mom was with her growing up and when she had kids how she was with her kids using a lot of the stuff her mom has in the book.

Never use, but as it negates the first thing you say to most kids. Acknowledge the feelings without the butt you can use the problem is or even though you know.

I just finished a chapter on how to praise a child effectively. It’s better to use descriptive language rather than just to use one simple word to describe how it is kids want to be able to praise themselves. I’m currently working on reading about putting kids in roles and how to break them out of them.

Right now, I’m learning about encouraging autonomy in children. It’s interesting realizing that some stuff we parents say while with good intentions is often discouraging to a child. Like saying something easy also kids loves living in their fantasy world. You don’t need to crush their hope and dreams.

Some alternatives to punishment are pointing out a way to be helpful, express strong approval (without attacking character), State the expectations, show the child how to make amends, offer a choice, take action, and allow the child to experience the consequences of their misbehavior.

A lot of the times punishment can bring up fantasies of revenge towards that parent that is punishing the kid. There are ways to teach a kid without having to punish them often times punishment doesn’t really work in the long haul.

When starting to talk about discipline, I read a little comparison between a father who is asking questions to his kid about something he did and a mother who was freaking out in anger when administering discipline. I kind of feel like the second one.

This part had questions about how to acknowledge feelings and to not necessarily agree with them. Also some cautions when acknowledging feeling to not do things that could make the situation worse for the child.

Learned about some way we don’t like being talked to Adults (and even Children) such as Denial of Feelings, Philosophical Response, Advice, Questions, Defense of Other Person, Pity, Amateur Psychoanalyst and Empathetic Response. To help with feelings, Listen with full attention, Acknowledge with a word like Oh or I see, Give feelings a name and Give them their wishes in fantasy.

This book was developed over 10 years of research and discussion with people. Someone from India actually encouraged the motivation for this book. It is designed with worksheets and to be gone through relatively slowly.