Sarah Smith’s Reviews > The Twelve Caesars > Status Update

12. Domitian. Man he was kind of cruel too. He was constantly plotting against big brother Titus, and he was “everywhere hated and feared.” He was assassinated and the Senate declared damnatio memoriae, meaning they sought to erase him from history. Destroy his statues, erase his images, mark out his name on plaques, etc. Oh well, shouldn’t have been so cruel.

11. Titus. Vespasian’s son and another good one (according to Suetonius)! He was an “object of universal love and adoration,” handsome, and graceful. He only reigned about two years and died from a sudden fever. Fun facts: he was emperor when the Colosseum was dedicated, but also when Mount Vesuvius erupted. There was also another Rome fire and an awful plague during his reign. But Suetonius said he was good.

10. Vespasian. I think he’s my favorite so far! Rome was struggling after Nero-Vitellius, & Vespasian started to rebuild it. He started construction on the Colosseum and was known as modest, lenient, and patient—a nice change of pace given the previous 6 or so knobs. He was a jokester and said on his deathbed, “Dear me! I must be turning into a god.” RIP Vespasian, you deserved better than death by diarrhea.

9. Vitellius. Not much about him except that he admired Nero 🚩 and was “unusually tall” and cruel. He was killed by soldiers at 56 years old and thrown in the Tiber.

8. Otho. Had Galba killed. Ruled less than 100 days before he k!lled himself while fighting Vitellius. I have not formed a solid opinion. Was friends with Nero though kind of.

7. Galba. He didn’t even get to reign a full year before he was assassinated, yikes. He was also described as cruel and greedy though—shocker!

6. Nero. Another freak!! Another inbred psychopath (his parents were cousins). Claudius adopted him & then he poisoned Claudius. Incest with his mother. He might have been a furry?? Set fire to Rome.
Suetonius hated this guy: “At last, after nearly fourteen years of Nero’s misrule, the earth rid herself of him.” He also said he smelled bad and was a fatso.
Anyway, he killed himself before other people could.

5. Claudius. Had a limp and a stutter and a nervous tic. Had like 4 wives. His last wife was his niece (OK Claudius Targaryen…). His grandfather was Marc Antony and his great uncle was Augustus… I think. There was too much intermingling within these families—they kind of are like the Targaryens, “mad kings” included. Anyway, he was described as handsome and had a “certain majesty” despite all that ^

3. Tiberius was a freak!! And a sadist, a pedophile, a miser, a hater, and paranoid to the max.

Good riddance 👋

Now RIP Augustus. August is named after the month he died (how morbid). They messed with the months so much that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember are no longer the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months, respectively. Also he was deified like Julius, which I find odd.