Chris Hill’s Reviews > All the Way to the River > Status Update

The final section is a quiet, tentative meditation on whether it's possible to declare yourself ok.

Following Rayya's death, the narrator is faced with the sobering aftermath.
She's determined to overcome her addictions, but it's not easy.
Her sponsor says, 'Can you take the risk of sobriety?'
The narrator has hit rock bottom and works out for herself what's needed. She gives up alcohol and psychedelics. She learns financial prudence.
God, or God as she understands him, becomes her companion.

After Rayya's death, the narrator remains with her. Rayya's last days were difficult and painful, but the narrator believes Rayya's final moments were peaceful, happy; maybe even ecstatic.
The narrator accounts three occasions when the spirit of Rayya's mother visited them.
The narrator visits a medium who immediately contacts Rayya and relays messages in Rayya's unmistakeable voice.

The narrator remains at Stacey's.
The days proceed in quiet stasis.
On Christmas, Rayya's ex-wife Gigi visits.
They think Rayya's death is imminent.
They light candles and play appropriate music.
Rayya wakes up: What the hell?
She's not ready to go yet.

The narrator is jealous of Stacey's success.
But she pulls back from saying so.
Stacey invites her to stay.
Rayya is very ill, but clear eyed and lucid.
They apologise and come to an understanding.

The narrator tells Rayya that although she loves her, she cannot stay and watch her destroy herself with drugs. Rayya seems to understand. They part on cautious but not contentious terms.
Rayya is at rock bottom and asks an ex-girlfriend, Stacey, for help. Stacey takes over, helps Rayya get off illegal drugs, controls her use of prescription drugs and gets her to see a doctor and take medical advice.

The narrator stays away from Rayya. She hears that Rayya is indulging her addictions to the fullest.
The narrator is bitter and resentful.
During this period of separation from Rayya, the narrator goes to twelve step meetings for relatives of addicts and sex addicts and is resentful and blames everyone else, which is in itself classic addict behaviour.

The narrator lists all the things she has done for Rayya.
Rayya reponds by saying she wishes she'd never got into their relationship.

Rayya is not an addict and there is no cocaine in the apartment. If there was cocaine in the apartment, she doesn't know how it got there. But her doctor says it's a good idea to take cocaine. In fact he has prescribed it from a secret research facility. The doctor wishes he could prescribe cocaine for all his cancer patients. Rayya, the doctor has told her, is a genius for having thought of doing cocaine.

The narrator stages an intervention.
Rayya fights back.