Swaye’s Reviews > The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About > Status Update

PSA: This book is full of wisdomous gold. But I personally recommend either gluing together or just straight up tearing out chapter 15. The ABC loop is manipulative af in my opinion and goes against everything the rest of the book is about.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

"Emotions are just a burst of chemicals in your brain that ignite and are absorbed into your body within six seconds. Most emotions will rise up, and then fall away, within 90 seconds, if you don’t react to them. You cannot control your emotions from rising up. Trying to is a waste of your time. The better strategy is learning to just Let Them rise up and then fall without reacting."

"Let Them go silent. Let Them erupt. Let Them play the victim. Let Them sulk. Let Them deny that it happened. Let Them make it all about them. Then, Let Me. Let Me be the mature, wise, and loving adult in this situation. Let Me decide if I want to address this directly or not at all."

"Their inability to process normal human emotions like insecurity, disappointment, anger and fear is not your fault. And it’s also not your problem to solve. It is not your responsibility to manage their emotions or try to fix them. Your responsibility is to protect yourself from their emotional spiral, and to see it for what it is: A person who has no idea how to handle or express their emotions in a healthy way."

"When someone pulls the silent treatment on you, or plays the victim, or erupts in frustration, Let Them. And then I want you to visualize an eight-year-old trapped inside their body. When you do that, something wild happens. You don’t feel scared of this person. You feel compassion instead of contempt."

"As long as you let other people’s emotional immaturity dictate your choices, you’ll always come last in your own life. From navigating guilt trips, to fearing disappointment, to worrying about someone’s reaction or if “now is the right time,” to tiptoeing around someone’s mood, you’re allowing other people’s behaviors and reactions to drain your energy and drive your decisions."

"Let Me take risks because I want to. Let Me follow the path my soul is turning me toward. Doing what makes you happy, being brave, taking risks, and following your own path will always be more important than other people’s opinions about it. This is YOUR life."

"Instead of overthinking every move you make, what if you just Let Them think whatever the heck they want to think? It’s life-changing to free yourself of this burden. Remember the fundamental law of human nature: You can’t control what another adult says, does, or thinks. Try to and you’ll regret it. The more you Let Them think what they want, the better your life gets."

"This doesn’t mean avoiding difficult conversations or staying silent. It doesn’t mean being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. What it does mean is that you get to choose what impacts you and to what extent. You get to choose when a job or relationship or issue is worth fighting for, and when it’s time to leave. You get to choose, and that is why you are always in control of what happens next."

"Not every conversation needs your participation—and you do not always have to have the last word. You’ll start to see that a lot of what used to set you off isn’t worth your time and energy; and the less you react to the things around you using Let Me, the more in control you feel. By saying Let Me and resetting your stress response—you are now back in control and can choose how to intentionally respond."