Michael Clupper’s Reviews > Blood of Hercules > Status Update

I’ve officially met the 50% completion threshold required to satisfy the “Rule of Clup” and DNF. Thank the lord

I’ve lost the plot, the audiobook narrator sounds like *she’s* lost the plot, and it’s specifically stated that Alexis — the protagonist of this godforsaken book — has lost the plot.

Guys there’s no plot. I’m scared

In the last several minutes of audiobook time, the protag has both fantasized about having children with the ghost of Carl Gauss and pretended to be a bewigged Founding Father of the USA whilst in the shower.

I feel like I don’t even need to make wry observations to be ridiculous, I can just continue to summarize the actual book as written

“I prayed that I was being embraced by Carl Gauss. Hopefully his penis was a normal shape… im not sure how much more trauma I could take today.”

Again I maintain that I have no idea what this book is about

Guys I fully have no idea what’s happening in this book anymore

I’ll never understand how there exists an entire genre dedicated to immortal, almighty demigods sexually obsessing over barely-pubescent children with no personality. Does no one else find this shit creepy? No one?

I think we just met our “shadow daddy” male main character and I know this for several reasons:
1. It’s Charon, so of course it is
2. The character has introduced himself by directly verbalizing his backstory and intentions, as all of the best-written characters do
3. Romantasy audiobook producers use the 2-3 male voice actors for all of these characters, so waddup Teddy Hamilton

How is it that I’m a 1/3 of the way through this book and I’ve yet to meet a single character that isn’t aggressively unlikable.

I will say, though, that the main character’s consistent “I’m going to drink bleach” gen Z energy is occasionally very funny

I feel that it is incumbent upon me to offer a world-building tip: if you are trying to construct a setting that is supposedly the most cruel and foreboding place on the planet, don’t constantly undermine yourself by saying every aspect of it “was almost as bad as high school”. What are we even doing here. Unless that high school was Degrassi, that can’t possibly be true

I’m tired of this, Grandpa