Esra’s Reviews > Actually, It Is Your Parents' Fault: Why Your Romantic Relationship Isn't Working, and How to Fix It > Status Update
Esra
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Tell a kid like Jeff that he's the stupidest kid in (insert
name of town, here) enough times, and he'll believe it. He'll
become every bit as self-critical as you've been critical of him.
In other words, he'll internalize the experience of being told
that he's stupid. Internalization is the process by which we ab-
sorb and take inside ourselves aspects of our external environ-
ments. Such as a parent's constant
— Dec 26, 2025 11:15PM
name of town, here) enough times, and he'll believe it. He'll
become every bit as self-critical as you've been critical of him.
In other words, he'll internalize the experience of being told
that he's stupid. Internalization is the process by which we ab-
sorb and take inside ourselves aspects of our external environ-
ments. Such as a parent's constant
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Esra’s Previous Updates
Esra
is on page 30 of 288
Unfortunately, that bad stuff will still indirectly bother
you. That's why the child who has long forgotten his father's
angry shushing grows into an adult who can't stand loud
noises: the noises themselves aren't the problem, it's the re- pressed memory of the father's anger that causes the discom-
fort
— Dec 27, 2025 10:44AM
you. That's why the child who has long forgotten his father's
angry shushing grows into an adult who can't stand loud
noises: the noises themselves aren't the problem, it's the re- pressed memory of the father's anger that causes the discom-
fort
Esra
is on page 30 of 288
thanks to internalized behavior, the things we
swear we'll never do are very often precisely the things we do
— Dec 27, 2025 12:58AM
swear we'll never do are very often precisely the things we do
Esra
is on page 30 of 288
On a far more serious—and more depressing—note, there is plenty of evidence that the worst behaviors of parents are also
often internalized and repeated by their offspring
— Dec 27, 2025 12:46AM
often internalized and repeated by their offspring
Esra
is on page 11 of 288
Conversely, if a parent treats a child as though the
child is stupid or "useless," the child will grow up feeling stupid
and useless, no matter how successful he or she might be
in school or in other activities.
— Sep 22, 2025 12:54AM
child is stupid or "useless," the child will grow up feeling stupid
and useless, no matter how successful he or she might be
in school or in other activities.
Esra
is on page 11 of 288
If a parent treats a child in a way
that shows the child is special and important then
—presto!—
the child comes to experience him or herself as special and
important.
— Sep 22, 2025 12:53AM
that shows the child is special and important then
—presto!—
the child comes to experience him or herself as special and
important.
Esra
is on page 11 of 288
the key to a child's personality development is found in
the personality of the parent: in other words, it isn't just what
a parent does for a child that shapes that child's personality,
it's the way a parent does it.
— Sep 22, 2025 12:50AM
the personality of the parent: in other words, it isn't just what
a parent does for a child that shapes that child's personality,
it's the way a parent does it.
Esra
is on page 11 of 288
A romantic
relationship grows
and changes over
time, from the
honeymoon stage of
"She's the perfect
woman!" to the
inevitable stage of
"Has he always been
this annoying?
— Sep 19, 2025 06:20AM
relationship grows
and changes over
time, from the
honeymoon stage of
"She's the perfect
woman!" to the
inevitable stage of
"Has he always been
this annoying?
