elstaffe’s Reviews > A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever > Status Update

"Some experts believe they do this to be the first on the scene of a fire, thus getting the jump on their competition for prey. Sure, or maybe these sick fucks just like to watch the flames before they kill, because that all sounds like the work of a homicidal arsonist to me." (186)

"Yes, you heard me right. This flying pyromaniac is known to pick up burning material from one fire, then take it somewhere else, and drop it into some nice dry grass to burn down some more real estate." (186) what

"They circle the rising smoke, scanning for rodents trying to escape the flames, then swoop down and snatch them up in their talons, just as the victim thinks it’s about to reach safety ... total heartless bastards.
'So what?' you say. 'All raptors are heartless bastards.”
You’re right about that, but M. migrans takes the dickery to a whole new level: They actually start the fires, too." (186)

"Known as the Black Kite, this dark, nondescript, medium-size raptor looks boring, but he is a total psychopath.

They are sometimes referred to as 'Fire Kites' because of their curious habit of always turning up where there is an active wildfire." (171)

"In addition to Shoebill, it has a number of other common names: Shoe-billed Stork, Whalebill, Whale-headed Stork … this bird has never been called a name that doesn’t sound like an insult." (171)

"Woodpecker Notes
Woodpeckers' tongues can measure up to four inches LONGER than the length of their head. It wraps around inside their skulls.
gross
I guess it helps them reach the deepdown bugs?" (155) but also helll no

"Black-necked Grebe, Eared Grebe

 Oh. My. God. This bird eats its own feathers.

Actually, it turns out that all grebes eat their own feathers. I know, right? Why would anyone do that?" (114)

"...breeding in the dry shrubsteppe of the Great Plains.

Wait, hold on. We have a shrubsteppe?!" (103) are there shrubsteppe dubstep bands?

"Also, it’s one of only twenty-nine animals that can be legally hunted in Japan, which is confusing because it’s usually frowned upon, if not outright illegal, to shoot your own national bird. Japan is a complicated place." (102)

"In spite of its pretentious plumage, fragile nerves, and apparent uselessness in a fight, the green pheasant is still Japan’s national bird and a beloved character in Japanese folk history." (102)