jean’s Reviews > 白露春分 > Status Update

无论哪里的山，都让佳月想起秀梅家附近的那些山。山对于她，永远有一点怀旧的意味，越是普通的无名的山，越让她觉得亲切熟悉。后来她去过许多名山，那些高山是要人拜望，要人香火的，不像那些无名的野山坡那么谦逊，和佳圆一口气奔上山顶，下山更是疾跑如风。

天冷之后，秀梅更不出门，母子俩被这漫长冬天锁在一处。不知怎的，连佳月也不再每周过来看望她，墙上挂着的那皇历本，停留在十月份的一个日子，宜出门，宜破土，宜什么她也干不了，甚至连日历都忘记撕。有一次，她叫立民去把那日历撕到今天，立民装作没听见，一动不动。
limin are you ready to die

most striking imagery in this section: jiayuan’s dad locking her outside in the winter when she was in the 6th grade vs. shenmu’s locked office door when she needed him & he was v likely cheating on her vs. qiao zicheng waiting outside her locked door in the rain when they were kids. the grandma’s storyline makes me so depressed. jiayuan & jiayue forever

I HATE THIS LADYS FKING KIDS BRO. and FK YOU TO 彬彬 as well 谁教育出一个这么没教养的孩子！！！！！！！！！！

it's so sad that jiayue feels that on some level jiayuan's abuse at the hands of her ex is her fault but it's made clear that her upbringing/issues w her immediate fam is what distorted her perception (see convo w her normal roommate). she did make an interesting observation that jiayuan is still emotionally trapped/locked w shenmu—she's handed the keys to someone else when she should hold on to those herself.

恐怖故事，藏在平淡甚至压抑的语气中，别人不会懂，只有佳月能懂。她找准了倾吐的对象，让妹妹分担一半，可是痛苦是无法分担的，痛苦在旁观者身上会变质，会成为愧疚。那时候，她和奶奶在海边，清凉的甜甜的椰子水，酷热的晴天，有情似无情的烈日。
“pain cannot be shared; it sublimates in the observer, becomes guilt.”

the most fascinating+sensitive depiction of a sisterly relationship for me since ferrante's mbf. jiayuan & jiayue love each other, hate each other, worry about each other, are against their wills envious of each other; and both girls are whittled down to their current shapes thru constant chafing against each other's sharp edges + their immediate family eg. jiayuan's useless dad, jiayue's stiflingly suspicious mom.

the concept of your dad giving you his porcelain duck bowl 鸳鸯乌 to signal he is moving on with his life (your mom’s matching one was inauspiciously smashed at the start of their marriage), you accidentally break it after an argument w your mom, you painstakingly glue it back together, then your annoying dullard bf who you HATE suggests storing condoms in it. 沈慕 are you ready to die

stated rather baldly: 她不能显出多愁善感，显露出无用的感情，姓陈的这一家子都看不起这种感情。他们以粗豪为乐，以冷漠为常，以多情为耻，佳圆学会了，无论何时都要显得满不在乎，装作若无其事。这有什么大不了的。

有什么大不了的 and it’s witnessing an act of immense cruelty done to a creature you cared for

oh my god wait. 佳圆 saw the neighbor skinning those poor bunnies in the dark while she was going to the outdoor bathroom. but she felt like she couldn’t show any emotion/compassion in front of 秀梅or 佳月 bc that’s not what a 陈 does. and she thinks 佳月 forgot about the bunnies when she was traumatized as well by the aftermath (ofc she doesn’t share this with 佳圆).