Zala’s Reviews > Mort > Status Update

‘I’ll fight you for them,’ said Mort.
VERY NOBLE. MORTALS FIGHT ME ALL THE TIME. YOU ARE DISMISSED.

”‘Why did you have TO SPOIL IT ALL?’
‘Spoil it all? Have you seen what the lad has done?’ snapped Albert, still trying to reach the edge of the ring.”

”’Devoted and Indeed Only Companion of My Late Father and Grandfather When They Passed Over, and therefore I decree that your reward shall be this most rare and exquisite of morsels.’
The Vizier prodded the thing uncertainly, and looked into the Emperors smile. It was bright and terrible. He fumbled for an excuse.”

”’That’s the sort of thing you wizard fellows are supposed to be good at, isn’t it?’ said the Chancellor, as crusty as a week-old loaf. ‘Flashes and bangs and whatnot. I remember a wizard when I was a lad —‘
‘I’m afraid I dont know anything about fireworks,’ said Cutwell, in tones designed to convey that he cherished this ignorance.”

”It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.”

”I MEAN, WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO? WHERES THE SENSE IN IT ALL? WHAT IS IT REALLY ALL ABOUT?
‘Can’t say, my friend. I expect you’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.’
SLEEP? SLEEP? I NEVER SLEEP. IM WOSSNAME, PROVERBIAL FOR IT.
‘Everyone needs their sleep. Even me,’ he hinted.
THEY ALL HATE ME, YOU KNOW.”

’Then Cutwell sighted carefully and shot Mort in the back.’
lmao why

’I had the town criers out during the daytime, Cutwell continued. I thought that if people could come to believe in her, then this new reality could become the real one.’

”’What did you call me?’ Mort hissed.
The doorknocker thought quickly. ‘Fir?’ it said.
‘What did you ask me to do?’
‘Unftick me?’
‘I don’t intend to.’
‘Fine,’ said the doorknocker, ‘fine. Thats okay by me. I’ll just ftick around, then.’”

“‘how old do you think I am?’
‘Fifteen?’ he hazarded.
‘I’m sixteen,’ she wailed. ‘And do you know how long Ive been sixteen for?’
[…] ‘I’ve been sixteen for thirty-five years.’”