Madeline Atwood’s Reviews > Filthyratbag: A Journey Through Growing Up, Grieving & Turning Pain into Diamonds > Status Update

EVERYTHING IN MY MIND WAS ABSOLUTE. I TOOK ON INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS AS REALITY AND WAS CONSTANTLY CONVINCING MYSELF I WAS SICK OR THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO FALL APART AT ANY MOMENT.

MY DAD TOLD ME I HAD TO CHANGE THE RECORD THAT WAS PLAYING IN MY HEAD.

I DIDN'T HAVE A LARGE
COLLECTION TO CHOOSE FROM.

FOOL ME ONCE?
SHAME ON YOU.
FOOL ME TWICE?
TWICE IS FINE SO IS A COUPLE MORE TIMES. I'LL NEVER LEARN I AM THE FOOL.

MY FIRST HEARTBREAK MADE ME THINK THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE.
THAT SOMEONE COULD FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME MADE ME UNLOVEABLE.

I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF PUT ON HOLD TO HOST WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED.

BEING LOVED
ROMANTICALLY WAS TO TELL ME THAT ANY INSECURITY OR IDEA I HAD HAD ABOUT BEING BAD OR UNLOVEABLE OR
UGLY FLEW OUT THE WINDOW, AND IN ITS PLACE WAS ROOM FOR LOVEHEART EYES AND A BIG FAT CHEMICAL HIGH.