greatsetman’s Reviews > NRSV Ministry/Pew Bible > Status Update

1 Kings -- 19:11-13 is randomly so far some of the most interesting writing among some of the most snooze-inducing. Unrelated scenario: 2 mothers claim 1 baby; Solomon says, split the baby in half; 1 mother agrees, the other doesn't; Solomon determines the other to be the true mother. Um, duh? Also, what could 1 possibly want with half a baby? Perhaps this is an analogy? Perhaps I am an ignoramus?

2 Samuel -- David (his poems) is a much better writer than the actual writer of this book, which, despite the human vehicle, is supposedly the literal capital-W Word of capital-G God so that's interesting. Unless I skimmed over something damning with my sleepy eyes, I'd say I'm Team Absalom. "...for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us dead today, then you would be pleased." Yes, and get fucked, Joab.

1 Samuel -- I was a couple days ago years old when I learned that Ichabod and Ebenezer are biblical names. Strongest narrative arc so far. God does not appreciate when people do not kill the people he tells them to kill. David and Goliath. Saul visits a medium -- very spooky, probably my fav part. David collects 200 Philistine foreskins so that he can marry Saul's daughter. These people are obsessed with foreskin.

Ruth -- I remember this story being much more harrowing, but this was a pretty uninteresting read. Maybe I'm mixing it up with a different story -- I don't know. Very short book, like 4 chapters. Naomi's husband and sons die. Ruth sticks around with Naomi. Ruth and Boaz meet; they get married. David's genealogically on the way. The end.

Judges -- A lot of time passes. Many cycles of Israel disobeys so the Lord rejects them so Israel is oppressed so the Lord helps them so times are good so they disobey. The toxicity rings Trump, so that's interesting. Samson's in this. Finally, a concubine is given by her husband to some men to be raped to death instead of him, so then he cuts her up into 12 pieces and sends them to each tribe of Israel; thus, war. !

Sometimes in first person; sometimes in third person. I like that. The first person dies at the end - spoiler. Mostly just a retread of the previous 4 books. Excited to see what comes after Moses. I love love love the image of one circumcising one’s heart. Another mentioning of crushed tentacles, this time paired with a severed penis. Wild stuff.

Numbers - Chapter 5 basically lays out how to conduct a witch hunt - incredibly patriarchal society. In chapter 20, god gets mad that Moses performs a miracle slightly different from the way that he commanded - so slight that I had to reread it many times in order to understand - so that generation doesn’t get to go to the promised land - again the pettiness. Chapter 22’s got a talking donkey. Lots of genocide.

Leviticus - Overall very boring. Enjoyed the repeated phrase “a pleasing odor to the Lord.” Enjoyed the part where god was like keep all your freaks away from me, which included people with disabilities and abnormalities and then also those with crushed testicles. Didn’t love the homophobic bits; #godisoverparty.

Exodus 22:2 - “If a thief is found breaking in, and is beaten to death, no bloodguilt is incurred; but if it happens after sunrise, bloodguilt is incurred.”

I’m convinced already that barely anybody reads this book critically. God be kind of petty.

Genesis - Really like the part where a guy is wicked so god kills him, then his dad has one of his other sons sleep with the wicked guy’s wife to give her a child, but that son’s like nah so he cums on the ground instead. Then the dad is like well I’ll give you my other son when he grows up, but the dad doesn’t follow through. So the wife dresses up like a prostitute and has sex with the dad to get pregnant.