Lexie Carroll’s Reviews > The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss > Status Update
Lexie Carroll
is on page 180 of 236
What-Ifs: Even when counter-factual thinking involves guilt/shame, our brain still seems to prefer it over the gut wrenching truth of the loss; at least guilt means we had some control over the situation. Believing we had control, even if we failed to use it, means the world is not completely unpredictable. It feels better to have bad outcomes in a predictable world rather than bad outcomes for no discernible reason.
— 17 hours, 0 min ago
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Lexie’s Previous Updates
Lexie Carroll
is on page 160 of 236
Intrusive thoughts in grief are normal. They are memories that come to mind suddenly & spontaneously with us intending to recall them. These involuntary memories may be upsetting, but they are not actually more frequent than voluntary ones. They only seem more frequent because they upset us more and we are not prepared for the emotions they bring, so we remember their occurrence more acutely.
— May 06, 2026 02:25PM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 158 of 236
Depression & grief have some overlap but are not the same thing. Yearning is one variable that separates out grief- there is no specific person or thing that depressed people fixate on. Depression is a more global intrapersonal experience that attaches itself to past, present & future. However, preexisting depression increases yearning after a loss, and yearning predicts prolonged grief disorder more than depression.
— May 06, 2026 02:11PM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 129 of 236
CGT- Complicated Grief Treatment was developed by Kathy Shear at Columbia University & is a 16-week therapy that has been shown to be effective in treating complicated grief. It includes psychoeducation on how grief works, building awareness of thoughts & feelings, exposure elements to build acceptance of the loss, finding small goals of interest, building social connections & guided imagined convos w/the deceased.
— May 05, 2026 10:31AM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 103 of 236
In the Dual-Process model of grief, it is not just loss-oriented stressors that are recognized. Restoration-oriented stressors are tasks we now have to do because the loss person is gone (grocery shopping by ourselves, taxes, driving, parenting alone, etc). We have to make new choices & develop new goals in the face of our new reality in restoring a meaningful life. It is normal to oscillate between the two states.
— May 02, 2026 06:36PM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 100 of 236
Why does the mistaken linear 5-stage model of grief persist so strongly in people’s minds & in our culture? Likely because of the cultural normativity of the monomyth-The Hero’s Journey- found in countless popular stories. The protagonist enters a strange frightening new world & must complete difficult tasks, returning transformed with new wisdom. Thru this lens we mistakenly see the 5 stages as tasks to complete
— May 02, 2026 06:01PM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 60 of 236
Parasocial Grief is strong grief over the death of a celebrity (even when not known personally) and is very real. People are represented in the virtual reality of our brains, and there is much information about celebrities in the public to build these maps of attachment. They seem “special & are “always there for you” (ie in their movies, shows, music etc); these are often consumed in a height. emotional state.
— May 02, 2026 05:53PM
Lexie Carroll
is on page 32 of 236
The brain creates visual maps of our world and our loved ones, tethering us to them (through images, etc) across time & space. It is a disorienting problem to be told that your loved one can no longer be located in time and space; it does not follow the rules the brain has used over the lifetime. Our brain assumes they are somewhere else & will be found later, like the infant brain learned about mother in childhood.
— Apr 23, 2026 07:39PM
Lexie Carroll
is 6% done
We are all walking into worlds at once: the real world, and the map of our world inside our heads. If someone stole your dining room table in the middle of the night and you didn’t bump into it while getting a glass of water, you would find its absence strange because it still lives in your mental map. Likewise, losing a loved one doesn’t erase them from our mental map, leaving us confused & disoriented.
— Apr 17, 2026 08:57AM
