Mona’s Reviews > Part of Your World > Status Update

I had his answer. It was no.
I’d just hurt him too much, too many times. And I couldn’t even blame him for being done.
But it didn’t change anything. Because I would still move to Wakan.
I was a little more Grant than Montgomery, I realized. I wanted to change the world. But I wanted to start there. And I would.
Even if their mayor never spoke to me again.

My parents had never loved me unconditionally. Never. So then why was I loving them that way? Why did they deserve that? Why did I think I had to sell my soul instead of them maybe learning to be open-minded or tolerant or just quiet about the choices their children were making?

The hole inside of me was so deep, it was all I was. I didn’t know how I’d live the rest of my life without her. And then I knew unequivocally that leaving Wakan wouldn’t change any of it. It wouldn’t get better somewhere else. Because you carry love with you. And the realization that I couldn’t escape this was so devastating, so overwhelming, I couldn’t breathe.

All we had was our love for each other. That’s all we had.
None of the other parts worked or fit or made sense.
But I didn’t need it to make sense, because for me the love was everything, it was all I needed.
But it wasn’t enough for her.

She’d given me three more months. I was grateful for it. But at the same time, I knew it might have been better to let her leave that day after the spaghetti dinner and never see her again. Because while it would have hurt me, it didn’t have the power yet to kill me.
Now it did.
I was in love with her.

If the choice was her walking out of my life tonight and never seeing her again, or getting more time with her, no matter how short that time might be, I wanted the time. I needed it.

“Have you ever seen anything so perfectly beautiful?” I breathed.
I turned to Daniel. But he wasn’t watching the petals anymore. He was looking at me. “Yes…” he said quietly, holding my eyes. “You.”

Then I sighed. “Why is everything so hard?”
“Because you have too many fucks to give.”
“Ha-ha.”
“No, I’m serious. Give up some of your fucks and see how much easier things are. You’re just spending all your time trying to please everyone else, and it’s making you miserable.”

Bri was right. If I was getting attached, I probably should cut the cord now.
But the thought of doing it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe.
The idea of not seeing Daniel ever again was so upsetting, I couldn’t even think about it. Which only made me feel panicky because it made me more sure that I was actually attached to him, which sent me down a rabbit hole of wondering if he was attached to me.

Alexis laughed, smiling up at me. “Did you know that dogs developed eyebrow muscles to better manipulate us?”
I propped myself on my elbow. “Really?”
“Yup. Wolves don’t have them. Dogs that had more expressive faces were more likely to connect with their owners. So they evolved.” She nodded sideways. “To this.”
Hunter backed up and let out a long roooooooo!