Alex Weller’s Reviews > Night Shift > Status Update

More of Quitters, Inc.'s cruel punishments (of which there are ten) are revealed. Numbers six, seven, and eight are more extreme beatings and trips to the rabbit room; number nine, Dick's son's arms get broken; and number ten, Dick gets shot. That night, Dick tells his wife Cindy that he gave up smoking, lying that it was for her and their son. She's very happy to hear it. If only she knew the truth, though.

Quitters, Inc. is revealed to have been founded by a wealthy man in his dying days of lung cancer. But it has horrifying punishments for offenders. First offense, Dick's wife gets shocks; second offense, Dick gets them; third offense, they both get them; fourth offense, Dick's son gets them; fifth offense: Dick and his wife get shocks, and Dick's wife and son get beatings. Jesus Christ!

Dick goes to Quitters, Inc. and is greeted by a representative named Vic Donatti. Donatti has Dick sign a form committing him to the program, which employs none of the usual preachy, drug- and diet-prescribing methods and is free for the first year. He then proceeds to ask Dick a bunch of personal questions, like the condition of his marriage and which school his son goes to. That sounds a little concerning.

A month later, things have been going horribly with Dick's job. While paying for his drink at another bar, the Quitters, Inc. card that McCann gave him falls out of his wallet. He decides to go over there and see what it's like, just for shits and giggles. Here we go!

Just started reading the fourteenth story, "Quitters, Inc.". Smoker Dick Morrison meets a colleague at the bar, who has since been promoted to executive VP. He explains his life turned around for the better after a non-smoking clinic named Quitters, Inc. helped him quit the shit. He's legally forbidden from telling Dick how they cured him, but recommends that Dick check it out, before leaving. Interesting!

Finished "The Lawnmower Man". The gruesome aftermath of Harold's death is observed by the authorities, who deduce that either Harold was schizophrenic or was killed by a sex maniac. The neighbors who saw the lawnmower man believe it was Harold himself. Looks like they'll never know the truth. Overall, good story.

It turns out the lawnmower man is a goat-man and a worshipper of Pan, who gives sacrifices by killing them with his lawnmower. Terrified, Harold calls the police to report the man for indecent exposure, but the man barges in and sics his lawnmower on Harold. Harold tries to run away but trips in his backyard and gets killed by the lawnmower. Holy shit! Then again, the guy was a Republican, so ...

Just started reading the thirteenth story, "The Lawnmower Man". After a cat is chased under his lawnmower, Harold Parkette puts off hiring somebody to mow his lawn until it becomes a jungle. He calls a lawnmowing business and they send a man, who brings a mower that runs all by itself. Even weirder, the man crawls behind it and eats everything the mower cuts, including a mole it ran over, which makes Harold faint.

Just read the twelfth story, "The Ledge". After having an affair with mob boss Cressner's wife, tennis player Stan Norris is forced to circumnavigate the tiny ledge outside Cressner's 43rd story penthouse, in exchange for money, his freedom, and Mrs. Cressner. He succeeds, only to find out Cressner has had his wife killed. An angry Norris subdues Cressner and gives him a taste of his own medicine. Great story!

Finished "Strawberry Spring"! After the strawberry spring ended, Springheel Jack was gone. Since then, the narrator has graduated, married, and had a child. But strawberry spring has started again, and another girl has been killed. Even worse, the narrator believes HE might be Springheel Jack, because he can't remember where he was last night or why he's afraid to open the trunk of his car. Overall, great story!