thulasie01’s Reviews > A Touch of Jen > Status Update

i need to do comments…

so far so good…remy is so weird though what is with that protein gimmick he did with jen and lowk jen sounds gross her house is a mess and she has BO???? tf????

alicia is substantially better yet remy does not gaf so like…poor her…she’s cooler…

“Alicia says that maybe she should print out a photo of Jen’s face and tape it over her own while they have sex. “I could cut little holes in the eyes.”
Remy says that would be creepy. “But I love how your mind works.”
She scrolls through photos that Jen recently posted.
“Definitely that one,” says Remy.
“I’m just joking around. Unless you aren’t.”
Later, when they’re sluggishly moving towards the bed, Remy takes Alicia’s face in his hands. “Ah, Jen—how I’ve longed to hold you in my arms!”
“Remy, it’s not right!” says Alicia, pretending to be Jen. “What if your girlfriend finds out?”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

hmm they have such an interesting dynamic and i do genuinely believe they’re soulmates ugh idk why remy is so in love with jen like they’re genuinely romantic feelings what is even going on how did these feelings arise

“Remy says he feels like she’s making fun of him. He was the one who told her that Jen had freckly boobs—not that he’s ever seen them in their entirety. She says he should hurry. Jake will be home soon.
Jake is their perfectly nice roommate. They despise him passionately. His ringtone is the sound of a baby crying”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

jake really is so nice though it’s crazy i thought he’d end up being a villain or maybe have been ducking alicia but no

“Bitch!” screams Alicia at the evil scientist. “Fucking cunt!”
“Why is it that the people are always tortured on screen but the puppy they torture off screen?” says Remy.
Alicia calls him a sicko. Does he want to see the dog tortured?
“It’s just a question. It’s not even clear what she’s doing to this dog.”
“Kick her in the stomach!”
“He can’t—he’s tied up.”
“I hate this!”
“I think you love it,” he says. He watches Alicia instead of the show. She’s eating waffle fries from a takeout box slanted with age. Alicia’s eyes don’t move from the screen and her hand searches blindly for the fries. She’s not as appealing as Jen and never will be. But in this moment, he feels a surge of affection for her that he doesn’t think about too hard. He just likes her anger.
“Fuck her up!”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

this is actually like the only positive feeling remy has had towards alicia

“Wow!” says Jake. “Who is she? Circle of trust!”
Remy says it’s just someone he used to work with. “I’m catching up. Seeing what’s going on in her life.”
“Did you, ah, boink her?”
Only Jake would say “boink.” Remy has a vision of himself poking Jen in the forehead with his finger and shouting, “Boink!”
“It was complicated. We worked together. She was in a weird place…and I was recovering from all this dental work so I wasn’t able to be present, you know?” Remy complains about the cost of the dental work, and how if it weren’t for all the distracting molar pain, everything might have been different.
Jake leans the poster against the wall and sits at the kitchen table, stinking of his macho soap. He gives Remy a serious talk about how Alicia’s super cool. “Take it from me and my personal experience. You don’t want to give up a good thing when you’ve got it. And hey, man, there’s a lot of temptation out there.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

see he’s actually a good guy wow!

“Remy can’t imagine what personal experience Jake could be referencing. Jake rarely goes out, except on Thursday nights. “I really don’t think that’s going to be an issue,” says Remy. ”

ugh theyre awful friends too apparently he was going to grief counselling every thursday and told them too and theyre like omg where is he every thursday i actually thought he was up to soemthing hmm its such a shame jake dies and that reminds me why was jake gyllenhal a character i thought hed send up coming back

“She has to be,” says Alicia. “She’s not like other people in service. She travels all the time.”
“She’s not rich.” He says it like he knows for a fact, even though he doesn’t. “She still picks up shifts at that tapas place. So she must need the money. And she didn’t go to private schools or anything crazy like that.”
“A public school in Vermont is more luxe than most private schools.”
“You’re talking out of your ass. You’ve never even been to Vermont.”
“We should take a vacation sometime. There’s no reason we can’t.” Alicia says it would be nice to have something to post other than funny content from other accounts. “Wouldn’t it be great to post about our lives for once?”

remy's soo dumb omg its obvious jen is rich shes always on vacation and i mean they'll see soon! she's loaded but also i see his point its not necessarily her money it can be horus's

“I actually look frightening. I would get scared if I saw me walking down the street.”
For the next few minutes, she paces from bedroom mirror to bathroom mirror, working herself up into a state of self-conscious mania about her eye makeup. She gets something from the closet and hits her head on the frame. She holds her forehead and cries in a silent, annoying way.
“This is just going to make things worse,” she says. She says this because she believes that she suffered brain damage as a teenager and that every time she bumps her head, it speeds up an ongoing process of deterioration. She believes in this more than she believes in the moon landing.
“I’m putting on my shoes,” Remy says. He doesn’t want to hear her paranoid little speech about brain damage again.”

poor alicia remy is suchhh an awful bf

“Alicia’s eyes are scrubbed raw and swollen from removing all her eye makeup. She says, “I’m really sorry. Who did I think was going to see me?”
“We might still make the movie,” says Remy. Then, when she doesn’t respond: “I should have put on a jacket. I thought it was finally summer.”
He looks at the people around them on the platform. He’d be ruder to Alicia, but he doesn’t want them to think he’s a bad boyfriend.
The train still doesn’t come and they shiver and don’t touch each other. They both try not to breathe in the cold, fruit-punch smell of the transit deodorizer.
Remy feels that Alicia’s silent misery must be disrupted, but the idea of talking about the weather anymore depresses him. He complains about one of his coworkers. Alicia doesn’t say anything. He complains that his manager, Rocco, is always coming into work drunk.”

ermmmm remy deserves death and this reminds me that he's like rocco cannot say that remy smells like alcohol after alicia's death because so does he! what a crazy relevation

“A woman waiting next to them is eating a banana and Remy says, “I read that bananas are going extinct. Like honeybees.”
Alicia’s eyes fill with tears.
“Jesus Christ,” he says.
“I’m sorry!”
“It’s going to be fine. They can put robots into people’s bloodstreams now. I’m sure they can figure out the banana situation.”
Alicia excuses her tears by boring him with a complicated explanation about when her menstrual hormones kick in. Even a cursory analysis would reveal that the timing doesn’t make mathematical sense.”

WHAT the actual freak i am listnening to baby boy honeybee by olivia rodrigo and then i see the word honeybee????? TF?????? signifier????

“Sometimes you talk like she’s dead.”
“I remembered the specific intervals of the rings on her fingers. Not the rings themselves, but the spacing. I don’t know why, but it sort of did it for me. Like, brought her to life.” It’s been two years and seven months since he’s seen her.
“Do you want me to wear rings?” says Alicia.
He analyzes the mechanics of this. Alicia’s hands aren’t like Jen’s and the rings wouldn’t look right. Jen has stopped even wearing rings, at least as far as he can tell from her recent posts.
He buys the top for Alicia to wear, on the condition that she only wear it at home.
“It wasn’t so much that you reminded me of Jen,” he says as they walk back to the train, “as that I was able to superimpose my memory of her on you.” He holds her shoulders. He asks if that makes sense.
Alicia says, “The things I do for love!” Then, to push this charged word out of the air, she says, “It’s been a long time since you’ve seen her. Maybe we could invite her over.”

yeah hes lowk been such a long time since theyve seen each other and its soooo obvs that alicia likes him more i hate hetero relationships like that

“The room is filled with cold light. They sit up. They’ve each received a notification that Jen posted a new photo. They laugh at the simultaneity of their movements.
“God,” he says, “you know we have a mystical connection.”
Alicia laughs, and the pleasure on her face is so naked that he’s embarrassed for her.
“I mean…me and Jen. Not you and me.”
“What?”
“Just kidding,” he says. “Kidding!”
“Ah,” says Alicia.
“Still thinking about the coffee in Reykjavík!” says Jen’s caption.”

ughhh like wait shoot him

“He gets the chance to check his phone and sees that Alicia has sent him a long string of superstitious texts. She says, not for the first time, that she’s getting “vibes” from the apartment. That the TV remote started working again, although she thought the batteries were dead. That the showerhead isn’t making its usual gothic moans, and that she fried an egg for dinner and it had two yolks.

Alicia: I have the best feeling. Like something momentous is about to happen.

In a slow moment, Remy complains to Inez about Alicia’s superstitions. He tells her that none of Alicia’s predictions ever come true, and when they don’t, she finds a way to blame it on her period, “which half the time is imaginary, and never comes when she says it will.”
Inez says that he needs to stop being “so negative.” Remy can’t help looking at Inez’s boobs as she lectures him.”

bruhhh he sucks so bad omdfg

“After the brunch shift is over, Remy overhears several of the waitstaff talking about getting a drink and choreographs a movement close by, plausibly as part of a work-related task. He approaches and then retreats, but never elicits an invitation.
“Remy, why do you keep grabbing napkins?” says Rocco on the third attempt.
Remy stares at the napkins in his hand and then says that he’s afraid he has a nosebleed.”

“Look at me,” says Inez.
Remy looks at her.
“You don’t have a nosebleed.”
“Sometimes I can feel them coming.”
“You were just complaining that Alicia had imaginary periods. And now you’re complaining about imaginary bleeding.”
The fact that Rocco turns his head to laugh informs Remy that this joke doesn’t include him. Maybe it’s part of an ongoing narrative between Inez and Rocco about him. He still doesn’t get an invitation, and they leave. He could be remembering things wrong, but he’s sure he wasn’t this awkward before he started dating Alicia.”

i love that hes so awakrd and everyone hates him and DO NOT blame alicia fuck you!

“Remy walks systematically through each room, onto the patio, then back into the house. He doesn’t look back to check that Alicia’s following him, since he knows she will.
They wander into the kitchen, near the alcohol, and examine the greeting cards on the refrigerator. One of them has a picture of a donut on the front and says, I donut know how to thank you enough! Another one says, Out of all the faces in the world, yours is my absolute favorite!
“What a weird card,” says Remy.”

“Yeah. It sounds like this person wants to peel off your face and wear it.”
“Haha!” says a strange girl, trying to participate in the conversation. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it sounds like! Weird!”
Alicia looks at the stranger with frightened eyes. The girl’s face is made up into try-hard brilliance. Remy and Alicia adjust their bodies to shut her out.”

now alicia why are you so svared theyre both actually so awkward ermmm

“The next day, Remy finally has the time to deal with the broken fan in his laptop, and he and Alicia go to the Apple Store. There, they run into Jen.
Remy, shell-shocked, introduces Alicia and then monitors Jen’s face for a reaction when he refers to her as “my girlfriend.” Alicia monitors Jen’s face too.
“Jen was another server at Belasco’s before it closed,” he says.
“Oh really?” says Alicia. He and Alicia both use exaggerated gestures of goodwill and surprise in order to appear casual, as if meeting her there affects them in no way and is just the sort of unremarkable accident one can expect in day-to-day urban life. It makes them both look very wild, they realize afterwards.
Jen smells strongly of body odor.”

oh wow they've met her already! and LMFAOOO she literally stinks i dont see jen's appeal

“He turns to Alicia and explains, pretending that he’s never told her this before: “Jen and I hated those people. We really bonded because Belasco’s was such a freakshow.”
Jen says, “I don’t remember us hating them. I thought it was a great crew.”
“Allie and her phobia about chewing gum!” says Remy. “And what’s-his-name, the oyster-shucking guy. That you were always avoiding! And”—Remy looks heavenward before naming the greatest hit—“Harry the Homophobe. What did he always used to say? ‘Don’t be so open-minded that your brain falls out’?”
“Aw, those were such fun times,” says Jen. She doesn’t take up the old, mean line of conversation. “I’ve really missed you!”

this convo actually cant be real remy has no self awareness

“Alicia notices how Jen’s boobs are large enough to make her stomach—as round and well-hydrated as a yoga instructor’s—seem smaller by comparison. She glows with health and well-being. Her upper lip catches on her adult braces. ”

hmm maybe i would end up getting adult braces like i am an adult TF! ugh

“Jen tells them about her latest trip, in Indonesia, and Remy tells her about his computer fan. Jen’s body language remains attentive while he talks, but he can sense that he’s boring her. In order to appear unaffected, Remy doesn’t stop talking about his computer fan. Then he overcorrects and becomes hostile. “I cannot fucking believe how these companies train you to be dependent on their unethically assembled products, and then when they break, the world stops, and they get to squeeze a few more dollars out of you.”
“Yeah,” says Alicia. She’s trying to help. She’s sweating.
“Yeah,” says Jen. “Totally.”

yeah erm wtf

“After Jen leaves, they give her a fifteen-minute head start, even though they have no reason to stay. They watch the demo animation on the iPads—a multicolored line twisting on a black background. They can’t see Jen anymore, but they know that right now, she’s making a similarly bright path through space, somewhere. Always, in fact.
His hostility about the computer fan was completely manufactured, but Remy still feels hostile an hour later. He doesn’t talk about what happened. Alicia doesn’t say anything until he does.
“How did you like those earrings?” he says, finally.
“I wanted to yank on them. I wanted to unzip her from top to bottom.”
After they leave the store and go out into the heat, Alicia says, “Can you imagine us surfing?” She laughs.”

erm ok...so was she not an apple store employee because she left????? idek i think i misinterpreted it and shes not an apple store employee

“Remy sits at the kitchen table, watching her cook too slowly. “You should just eat what you want. Pasta’s cheap.”
Alicia tells him her shift meal always has to be dabbed with a napkin in order to remove the grease. She smiles as she wears the halter-top and complains. “Can you believe this? Some guy yelled at me yesterday that I needed to oil my bike chain. Like, he rolled down his window to tell me this. He said it could snap.”
“So oil it.”
Alicia goes into greater detail, outlining how she’d have to spend money, how the chain is already ruined, and Remy is more bored than he’s been in months. He knows that, eventually, concrete changes will take place in his life, but he can’t conceive of any meaningful change that he’s capable of bringing about. Something will have to happen to him.”

oh wow i completely forgot about this someone is literally telling her to pil her bike chain and she literally dies from a bike accident! TF! god i really suck

“After his shift, Remy looks at his phone and sees that Alicia has sent him several pictures. Two are of beaches in Montauk. One is of a dog on a surfboard.”

omg montauk the marias' "back to me" mentions it wow

“Remy texts her back and says that if she’s that far back in Jen’s posts, she needs to be careful not to like anything.

Alicia: I know jesus

He doesn’t reference going to Montauk, since Alicia’s exclamation marks grant both of them plausible deniability. It’s just a joke.”

LMFAOOO the way he warns alicia and then he does it want a dumb fuck

“Remy rebandages his foot. He says that Jen was different than he remembers. “It brought back all these memories. I forgot how she can kind of be a bitch.”
“I thought she was being really nice.”
“She didn’t have to pretend to be interested in my computer fan. Before, she would have been like, ‘Remy, you’re boring me. Talk about something else.’”
“That sounds bitchier to me.”
“She’s only nice to people she isn’t close with.”

yk i actually did think remy was delusional about their connection but really its so weird how jen is interested in remy for real like what???

“When he gets home from a dinner shift, Remy brushes his teeth while Alicia’s in the shower. He can tell she’s been in the shower for a long time, because the toilet paper has rippled while still on the roll.
She’s in a bad mood because of some minor fall from her bike, especially since one of her many narratives about herself is that she’s a good driver and a better bike rider.”

wow i need to pay attention to these details there are so many details that she has a faulty bike and hmm maybe jen didnt do anything with the chain

“In the middle of the night, Remy is awakened by an awareness that Alicia isn’t in bed. He calls her name. It takes a full minute before she appears in the doorway. “Are you sleepwalking?” he says.
“I thought I felt something.”
“Did you hear a squirrel?”
He tells her to come to bed, and Alicia says something that might be taken from a caption on one of Jen’s pictures: “It’s important to pay attention to what my body’s telling me. Sometimes a person is sensitive to larger forces without realizing it.”
Her voice is sexy and different from normal. It’s also unlike the voice she uses when she’s pretending to be Jen.
Remy tells her to come to bed again, and she says, “Now I’m hungry.” She disappears back into the dark. A few seconds later, he hears the wet, suckling sounds of Alicia eating. He tries to guess what it is. It sounds like turkey, although he doesn’t think they have any.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

this must have something to do with her bulkmia from her youth

“

Cassie is late to work again, and hungover, but looks more put together than Alicia. Alicia forgives Cassie when she shows her a video of something cute her sugar glider did that morning. Cassie often makes the mistake of assuming everything about her pet is fascinating, and Alicia is the only person at work who reliably reacts with enthusiasm.
“I would love an interesting pet,” says Alicia. “Do you think I should get a parrot? I feel like I’m a really anxious person. I think an animal would be therapeutic.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

bro how’d i miss all this shit jake was literally like you should get a parrot for alicia to remy and now she’s like omg should i get a parrot???? like are they fucking

Like Alicia, Cassie is from one of those states where everyone calls everything “retarded.” She gives Alicia advice in a cursory way that makes it clear she’d like to get back to her phone

ermmm woah same

“ She tells her to meditate or to read The Apple Bush, a self-help book that everyone has been into lately.
Alicia gets a notification that Jen’s posted a new photo. Jen is in a bubble bath, reading the very book that Cassie just mentioned—The Apple Bush.
“Trying to find out if I can be my best self and still be a huge bitch:)”
Alicia shows Cassie the picture. “Isn’t that a crazy coincidence? We were just talking about that book!”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

no she’s right these coincidences are just sooo crazy omg

“Alicia has to concentrate in order to prevent her voice from wandering into a register that will reveal her investment. “When are you looking for? I’m going on a surf trip in a couple of weeks.”
“August first. How much do you charge?”
“It’s fine, I’ll do it for free. It’ll be fun.” Alicia adjusts the bandana she’s required to wear over her hair. “Maybe we can get a drink afterwards.”
“It won’t be fun,” says Cassie. “I’m serious. You wouldn’t like me when I sweat. I’m even crankier.”
“Ah. Like the Hulk!”
“Excuse me?”
“You know how he’s like, You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry?”
Cassie is confused and says that she didn’t say she’d be angry. She talks about her Irish heritage and explains how her complexion is completely unsuited for temperatures above sixty-eight degrees. Cassie isn’t pretty, but aspires to perfect skin as if it’s the same thing.
Cassie offers her a hundred dollars and Alicia says, “No really. I wouldn’t charge a friend.”
The word friend hangs in the air between them, menacingly.
“We’ll see,” says Cassie.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

aw alicia really needs some girl friends she is craving friendship so bad (like me)

“When she gets home, Remy calls to her from behind the bathroom door and asks if she’ll hand him a new roll of toilet paper. “We’re all out in here.”
Alicia gets a new roll from the closet, and Remy stops the door with his foot when she opens it too far.
“Here you go.” She holds it just out of his reach.
“C’mon, Alicia.”
“What’s wrong? Take it.” Alicia keeps yanking it away from his hand, as if it’s too hot for him.
“You’re acting like Greta,” he says.
“Excuse me! Greta wouldn’t even get the toilet paper from the closet for you.”
“Can you hand me the fucking toilet paper?”
“How’s your stump?” says Alicia, meaning his imminently gangrenous foot. Before he transitions from irritation into genuine anger, she gives him the toilet paper.

”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

erm he’s a little scary lowk

“Alicia’s eyes are glassy and half open. She doesn’t move for several seconds.
“Knock knock,” she says.
The darkness prevents Remy from staring at her with precision.
“Knock knock.”
When Alicia still doesn’t move, he says, “Who’s there?”
Alicia keeps smiling at him.
“Who’s there?”
“Orange.”
“Orange who?”
“Orange you glad I’m not bulimic anymore?”
“What the fuck?” He says her name a few times. He says it like he’s asking if she’s awake, and then he says it like he’s asking if it’s really Alicia he’s talking to. “Who’s there?” he says again.
“Someone’s…in the kitchen,” says Alicia.
Remy sits up in bed, listening to the darkened apartment. “Who’s in the kitchen, Alicia?”
It takes a long time for Alicia to say the next phrase, and her smile becomes sweeter and her eyes tighter, as if trying to watch an eclipse. “Someone’s in the kitchen…with Dinah…Strumming on the old banjo.”
She turns over, and her breathing is slow and regular.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

waittt omg im clocking in so many things rn is knocking knock-knock-knock-knock remy hears referring to alicia’s knock knock jokes???? like it just be! omg this is wild wow beth!