thulasie01’s Reviews > A Touch of Jen > Status Update

“Remy points out that ideally you really don’t want any fires on a spaceship. Alicia ignores this and asks him if he’s seen her work bandana.
Remy says, “Going into space has a negative connotation. You can’t breathe there. Wouldn’t it be better, for the purposes of recovery, to speak about returning to the atmosphere?”
“I don’t know. They were therapists, not engineers.”
He tells her on her way out the door that sometimes he feels as if he doesn’t know her at all. His tone is meant to imply that he finds this sexually exciting. “Are you smoking more? Because you’re acting different.” By “smoking” he means weed. By “acting different” he means that she seems less anxious about getting on his nerves.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

bruh WHY does she need to walk on egg shells around you

“Are you going to Thirsty’s tonight? I have a surprise for you.

At some point over that summer, Jen had made a passing comment about how she might have a protein deficiency from her “basically vegan” diet. He’d said, “Maybe you should drink more protein shakes,” and she’d said haha gross. Several times, Remy tried to elaborate this small exchange into a more substantial joke, but failed. However, he remained convinced of its potential.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

genuinely what a loser

“The scenario didn’t go as he had envisioned. In his imagination, he’d thunked the jar of protein powder on the bar table, surprising Jen into laughter. He’d leaned an elbow on the jar to comically emphasize its size. The extravagance, the excess of the joke had endeared him to everyone who saw it. And in this fantasy, Jen asked to see him again, apart from these work-adjacent social gatherings.
But Jen was sitting at the bar when he came in, so he’d had to heave it up, and the drama of the act was undermined by the surprising lightness of the powder—it made almost no noise when it landed. Jen wasn’t impressed, only confused. Carla smiled at him in a way that communicated his imminent failure, and asked him if he’d just come from the gym. A random British guy at the bar called him mate and said, “Are you selling that stuff or wot?”
“Remy, are you malnourished?” said Jen.
“It’s for you.” He reminded her of the comment she’d made. “And now you have as much protein as you need!”
“You’re a fucking freak. The whole point of that conversation was that protein powder is gross[…]”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

it really is soooo surreal how far remy’s delusion goes like erm what?????

“Hey, he says, sending before he can think about it too hard. Then he types, Is surfing hard? He deletes this.

I don’t know why we never hung out after Belasco’s closed. Maybe because you were an asshole and never reached out.

He looks at this last sentence and evaluates its ratio of playfulness to aggression. He deletes it. I just feel like we let a really valuable friendship lapse and I’d like to rekindle it. It was so nice seeing you the other day.
Gross.
He types several other responses and deletes them. The only thing he’s sent so far is Hey.
Jen responds: Remy what are you typing it’s taking forever.
Remy stops typing. He starts typing. He stops again.

Jen: Y are you being weird.

Remy stops and starts again. He deletes, deletes. He types, Just wanted to pick your brain about your upcoming schedule—and then deletes. Is it ok—deletes. You’re the weird one—deletes.
Jen says, are you contacting me about an exciting business opportunity.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

this is so technologically accurate like wow this is a real life struggle i’ve worked hard to prevent so chronically online

“Remy says what a few more times and Alicia repeats herself. She says the word “boyfriend” again as slowly as possible.
“Did Jen talk to you? Did you contact her without talking to me first?”
“I just continued your conversation with her from your laptop. It sounds like you were really typing up a storm.” Remy sits on the bed. He feels as if a dye pack has exploded in his chest. “Don’t worry, she still thought it was you,” says Alicia.
“I’ve had a really bad day at work. I can’t believe this.”
“I fixed your terrible conversation for you. Aren’t you happy? And they’re going to give everyone a ride up.”
Alicia smiles at him, as if daring him to stab her. “It’s only four days,” she says.
“Alicia! I don’t want to wear some wetsuit that rubbed against her boyfriend’s balls! I don’t want to be trapped in some beach house with a bunch of her crusty friends and their…oat milk.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

alicia is so smart and it’s nice to know that he isn’t bothered about the logging into his laptop and he’s not cheating because when he kisses jen he was like he hasn’t kissed anyone’s lips except alicia’s in awhile even though he is cheating in that moment hmm

“He mentally prepares himself to act like this is a joke and not at all intended to hurt her. But Alicia-as-Jen isn’t hurt. She crawls towards him on the bed, gecko-like, and says, “You can talk to Alicia like that but you can’t talk to Jen like that.”
“You really are brain damaged.”
Remy goes to take a shower, but Alicia-as-Jen follows him into the bathroom. She presses her face against the glass of the sliding shower doors. “I’m so sorry that you’re not as impressive as my surfer boyfriend.”
Alicia gets into the shower with him, fully clothed, and Remy can no longer ignore her. “Please don’t take it out on me,” says Alicia-as-Jen, water streaming over open eyes.
Before Jen was such a large presence in their sex life, Alicia and Remy had other scenarios: home intruder, bad babysitter, vampire attack. This time, they get confused. Neither of them is sure if this is a Jen scenario or a home intruder scenario. Alicia-as-Jen’s fingers slip against the soap holder and reach for his hair with a gesture somewhere between desire and self-defense.”

Excerpt From
A Touch of Jen
Beth Morgan
This material may be protected by copyright.

he’s an ass and this is interesting they do so much RP

“This is my normal voice.”
“Just don’t be like, ‘Yeah, I totally agree!’ to everything everybody says. I’ve never seen you be the same around other people as you are around me.”
Alicia says that isn’t how she sounds. “You think that because I act one way around you and a different way around other people that one of those is more authentic?”
Remy texts Jen that they’re outside, and seconds later Jen says she’s standing outside, but they look around and don’t see anyone. They’re never out this early. They can hear the crack of a baseball bat hitting a ball, but they didn’t pass a baseball diamond on their way.
I’m waving at you, says Jen. They don’t see anyone waving.
“Maybe it’s an elaborate prank and Jen never wanted us to come in the first place,” says Alicia.”

it goes without saying remy is so mean and LMFAOO this is actually so funny

“The blankness of this neighborhood—with its blinding sidewalks and windowless warehouses in the place where Remy expected to see Jen—is unbearable. He turns around, and the dot turns too. This can’t be right.
After some back-and-forth, it becomes clear that Jen mistyped one of the numbers in the address. Remy says, “The good news is that it’s only a few blocks up!” Alicia looks at him and he says, “What?”
“You’re just so completely fine with her fucking up the address,” says Alicia. She isn’t angry.

  

They get to the right address and Jen doesn’t apologize. “You’re early,” she says, although they aren’t. Her hair is wet, and she’s wearing a long, square piece of clothing that she might have just dropped over her naked body (later, Alicia tells Remy it’s called a caftan).”

alicia is so right and snarky even if she isnt angry WHY is jen such a bitch why do they like her whats going on here

“In the living area, everything resembling dishware is in use as an ashtray. “Did you guys have a party last night?” says Alicia. She looks at the kitchen area, where polymer cutouts are scattered across a piece of plastic on the counter. The oven clock is very incorrect.
“What?” Jen looks around. “Feel free to sit wherever.”

yuck

“He works for his dad’s company, sometimes. And he’s helping me with my jewelry business. But we’re both trying to resist the social pressure to get ‘real jobs.’ It’s so fascist how society primes you to achieve self-actualization through these…very specific avenues.”
“I totally agree!” says Alicia.
Remy says, “What’s funny is that when we worked together, you hated kids.”
“No I didn’t. I just thought it was funny how much you hated kids.”
“I just thought it was rude for parents to bring kids to a restaurant that’s not kid-friendly. But I actually like kids.”
“You do?” says Alicia. She looks at Remy. Her ass is on the edge of the couch.
“You’d be surprised, Jen. I’ve changed a lot. I actually love kids now. I always did.”

this dialogue cannot be real oh my gof

“Okay maybe don’t shout about how obsessed you are with children while you’re on this trip, Remy,” says Jen. Remy smiles, because Jen is smiling. He feels simultaneously bad and good.
Jen tells him that Carla’s also coming and recounts some of her antics at Belasco’s. Remy maintains intense eye contact with her, but then, to counteract this intensity, switches between staring into her pupils and staring at her feet.
“Is there something on my foot?” says Jen, lifting one foot and looking at the filthy sole.”

LMFAOOO

“Remy looks around. The silence is so long that he feels compelled to say something. The outside of Horus’s warehouse apartment building is covered in barbed wire and security cameras. “Nice security cameras.”
“Oh yeah! Don’t worry, dude. They’re all busted. I busted some of them out myself. No one’s watching you.”
“You did?”
“I’m not about that surveillance lifestyle. It’s just taking the mystery out of life, you know?” Horus has a lot of opinions about this subject and launches into a sermon about the evils of technology. “And now if you don’t know something, you just google it! You don’t even have to work to know the answer.”

wow i thought this was more about horus being a creep or whatever but no the broken cameras really were just a signifier for remy to think that he can kill horus...and but actually no he just sneaks in to kill jen...well either way its ok

“As Remy is in the middle of telling a story that he thought would be more interesting, about how he was “pretty sure” a squirrel gave birth in the ceiling of his apartment, Jen interrupts him. “Oh my God, I just remembered.” She lowers her sunglasses. “Remy. I’m not sure that we brought enough protein for this trip!”
Jen and Carla laugh so hard that it makes it difficult for them to retell the story. Remy doesn’t know most of the people laughing. They’re all very attractive.
Remy says, “It was supposed to be funny. You win some, you lose some.”
“What does that even mean?” says Carla. “What did winning look like for you, in this situation?” Remy laughs, but Carla doesn’t drop it. “I’m really curious, Remy…what were you hoping to gain?”
“I’ve never heard about this,” says Alicia, smiling and smiling.”

wow they didnt even forget

“Aw, you know what I mean.”
“It’s so clean!” says someone else, a girl with an unlocatable accent. She alludes to Horus’s messy habits, demonstrating that she knows him well.
“That’s because of Juana. She comes once a week. She’s an amazing, just really amazing lady,” says Horus, without offering any evidence that she’s amazing other than the fact that she cleans the house.”

wow this is really highlighting horus' privilege hmm

“When he finally rejoins the group, Jen looks at her phone and then at Remy. “Did you just like this photo of mine from last week?”
“What?” he says. Several other people turn around to look at him too.
“I’ve been waiting for the bathroom for like ten minutes! Were you just in there, scrolling away? Just liking photos of me?”
“No, I wasn’t,” he says. He doesn’t bother to flesh out this lie.
Jen doesn’t let go of this and continues to interrogate him for several minutes, calling him a freak and smiling.”

LMFAOOOO L but she likes it so erm

“Carla applies sunscreen, complaining about the fact that Horus’s attention will be divided among the three of them. She says it like she’s joking, but it’s clear she really minds.
“Stop sucking in so much,” says Remy to Alicia. “Just try to look natural.”
“I’m not sucking in.”
She’s sucking in so much that the curves of her rib cage are visible under her skin. The twin curves look like a second, sharper pair of breasts. ”

oh wow ik what hes talking about but be nice omg

“Jen draws a dick on Horus’s back with sunscreen, and makes eye contact with Alicia for the first time, holding a finger up to her mouth. The attention is as special as a camp counselor’s.
“Did you draw a dick on my back?” says Horus.
“No!”
“That’s too bad. Because I was really hoping you did.” Jen laughs and says she’ll wipe it off, but Horus says, “No, I want it there.”
“You’ll get a tan line shaped like a dick!”
“Good.”
“Stop it! Let me wipe it out.”
“But I love your work so much!”
“Who are they performing this for?” Remy says to Carla, quietly. He monitors her face to assess if she’s a likely ally or not. She doesn’t respond.”

remy's lowk so right

“Remy doesn’t answer him. He knows how to stand. He just forgot. Remy does worse the second time, and doesn’t improve after that. He barely stands up, once, but falls off immediately.
Occasionally, through the sea of bodies, Remy can see Jen. She’s wearing a swimsuit that he’s seen in her posts before but never in real life. The eerie appearance of the swimsuit, combined with so much fear, is what makes him feel like he’s in a nightmare.

  

On her first try, Alicia stands up on the surfboard and teeters almost the whole way to shore. She falls a few times after that, but catches almost half of her waves, her grin massive and visible at a distance each time she manages to scoot her way near the beach.
Later, when they’re back in the van, Alicia isn’t shy anymore. She tells Horus, “I felt completely in the moment!” “I didn’t catch your name,” she says to everyone in the van who hasn’t talked to her yet. The guy who looks like he’s chewing gum is named Joe. The couple is Daniela and Kiki. Joe’s girlfriend is Sage. Rudy is the one with a tin of pomade that he’s applying to his hair. Alicia stops sucking in.”

yes alicia this is what its about i love this for her YES!

“Horus asks if anyone is “up for wangs tonight,” evidently referencing some shared experience in the past, and Alicia laughs even though this comment doesn’t include her. Remy hopes that by pronouncing wings this way they’re being either classist or racist and he can feel superior.
He texts Alicia: You’re using your fake voice again
But Alicia doesn’t check her phone. Carla is cradling Alicia’s palm, complimenting her long life line. Alicia is totally still, as if trying not to disturb a butterfly.”

ugh men like him are always trying to dim a girl's light they take a girl and snuff out her light UFCK UOU

“Remy complains about how Jen and Horus got the master bedroom, and the other guest rooms are claimed. “It just seems kind of fake to me that Jen and Horus are…they have this whole generous love and sharing and equality vibe, but we’re the ones stuck on the floor, you know?”
“Joe and Sage said that they’d trade with us at some point.”
“I don’t know why you like these people so much. They’re so fake. Everything here is fake. Look at that.” Remy points through the sliding doors, at the tasteful waterfall that feeds into the swimming pool, lit from below and beautiful in excess of any waterfall found in nature. He touches a wicker sun hat propped on the corner of the hall mirror. “Does anyone even wear this hat? Is this hat functional or is it just decorative?”
“It looks decorative to me. It’s too small to wear.”
“It’s frickin’ weird is what it is. There’s some kind of…farm implement on the wall in the kitchen. I feel like I’m at a TGI Fridays.”
“I kind of like it.”
He tells her that even Jen is being fake. “For a second at dinner she was being herself again [...]”

hes so right even though hes such an awffful guy

“I think she feels judged by Horus. It leads her to do weird things. Like invite her creepy former coworker on a surfing trip. With his girlfriend who she doesn’t know at all.” When Carla sees his face, she says, “I’m sort of joking. But you are a complete freak, Remy.” She tells Remy not to take her too seriously. “It’s just my opinion. Which is, you know, correct.”
“Jen told you this?”
“Actually what she said would interest you. She said that if it weren’t for what’s-her-name—”
“Alicia?”

yeah its so unique and different how jen is actually interested in him lime what???

“Like a sensory deprivation chamber?”
“Maybe. Not really. I just want to create a private space that meets all my needs. I thought I could even put shelves inside.” She checks people’s expressions and then looks back down into the water. “That sounds dumb.”
Kiki says, “No, that’s perfect. I get it. Like a commentary on our culture of instant gratification. A satisfaction chamber.”
“Yeah!” says Alicia. “I mean. It’s probably selfish of me, because I’m just building it based on what I would want. I have trouble relaxing or being in the moment, and I’m just trying to create this intimate space for myself.”
“But that’s part of the process,” says Jen. “You just have to make a prototype and see what happens.” Jen’s face is flushed and generous. She understands. “And water in particular is so conducive to forces larger than ourselves.”
“A prototype sounds great,” says Alicia. “I was thinking of it as—like a spa, but in the form of a personal pod. A…‘Spod.’ Is that lame?”

this is so great i hate how the whole choking scandal ruins alicia's friendships UGH

“Jen keeps refusing to elaborate, forcing Remy to beg.
“We—at least the Americans—were having an argument about this article we all read. It was about this guy who was in a sexual relationship with a horse. And everyone was being really judgmental.”
Remy confirms that her objection is to the people who judged the man for having sex with a horse. “That’s bonkers, Jen.”
“If you read it you’d know what I mean! It was so heartbreaking and beautiful and he had so much respect for this mare—like, more respect, honestly, than I’ve experienced from a lot of men.”
“Jen. A horse can’t consent to having sex!”
“You can’t anthropomorphize animal sex that way!” Jen registers the volume of the comment, and lowers her voice. “It’s not like horses ask each other for consent.”
“How do you know?” says Remy. “What if they communicate in some special horse language that people don’t understand?”

remy often brings up such valuable points

“Remy’s performance anxiety is exacerbated early the next day, when Horus drafts him into making fried eggs. He breaks several yolks and says “Not my best work” as he puts the eggs on the plates. He blames his mistakes on the unfamiliar skillet, saying loudly that nonstick skillets give you cancer. Everyone he gives an egg to, he threatens with cancer.
Kiki says, “The egg is great, Remy!” and he says, with a viciousness he didn’t realize he felt, “Don’t patronize me.”

haha omg he sounds like me

“Just in general, Jen, I would imagine the universe conspires to bless you a lot more if you’re hot and your boyfriend is loaded.”
Carla laughs. Jen doesn’t, but she doesn’t exhibit anger. “You can attack me for being lucky and beautiful, Remy, or you can decide that maybe that’s how I’ve allowed the love of the universe to express itself in my life.”
“I still can’t tell if you’re joking or not,” says Remy, because Jen is smiling again. The longer she observes Remy’s face, the more wicked she looks.
Carla says that Jen has a point. “You have to concentrate on what you have, not what you don’t. Of course there are obstacles to realizing our desires, but those obstacles—A. B. Fisketjon calls them Toxic Antagonists—are almost always self-generated.”

andrea...

“Oh honey,” says Jen, twisting her torso and almost, but not quite, touching Alicia. “Maybe they cut the coke you did with laxatives. I’ll have to take you out sometime. I know how it sounds, but I don’t think you’ve really done coke unless you’ve had the good stuff.”
Carla accuses Jen of being a snob, but Alicia is hardly listening. Jen’s invitation, real or not, suffuses her body. Could it be real and not a joke? Could she, maybe, “go out” with Jen sometime?”

ugh i wonder if jen actually was getting choked!! erm what