Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

‘She spoke and scolded her husband.

“So you came back from the fighting. I wish that you had died out there, defeated by that strong man who used to be my husband....”’

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‘“Father Zeus! No other god could be more cruel than you are! I thought that I would punish Paris for his crimes. But now my sword is broken in my hands! I threw my spear away from me in vain! I did not hit him!”

Then he leapt on Paris, and grabbed him by the shaggy horsehair helmet, twisted him round, and started dragging him towards the well-armed Greeks...’

The hypermasculinity is so unintentionally funny to me

“Now if you want me to fight in battle and to join the war, you must line up the other Greeks and Trojans, and in the middle of them all, set me to fight with Menelaus, friend of Ares, for Helen and for all the wealth and treasure. And let the winning man, the stronger fighter, get all the wealth and take the woman home.”

Good LORD why are men

“You brought great suffering to all of us—your father and your city—all our people. You pleased our enemies, but shamed yourself.”

Roast his ass!!

‘As in the valleys of a mountainside when someone sees a snake and startles back, their body trembles and their cheeks turn pale and off they run—so godlike Paris, frightened of Menelaus, son of Atreus, drew back among the throng of Trojan fighters. But Hector saw him and reproached and shamed him.

“Pathetic Paris! Womanizer! Cheat! You are the very best at looking pretty. Oh, how I wish that you had never lived or

“One brother came to war dressed in gold ornaments, just like a girl. These baubles did not save his life, poor fool! The grandson of Aeacus, swift Achilles seized hold of him and killed him in the river. The victor took possession of his gold.”

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“[Achilles] was far superior, as were his horses. But he lay beside his fleet of steady, curving boats and raged at Agamemnon, shepherd of the people.”

Is he gonna do anything other than pout and be a brat bc Agamemnon stole the girl that Achilles basically kidnapped orrrr

Homer naming every single Ancient Greek town and all the NPCs in both armies like I've been dragged into someone's 3000 year old D and D campaign

“This is appalling! You behave in council like little children, with no thought or care about the work of warfare. What will happen to all our oaths and pacts? Our plans, our councils, right-hand-shakes given as a mark of trust and pure libations? All of them can burn!”

Way to state the obvious, Nestor

‘“You sit there and criticize the son of Atreus, Lord Agamemnon, shepherd of the people, because the Greeks have given him so much. You keep complaining, but I tell you this, and swear that it will surely come to pass, if I find out that you continue acting as stupidly as you are doing now...”

With that, Odysseus began to use his staff to thrash Thersites on his shoulders till he hunched over, sobbing...’

Bruh