Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“Aeneas, lord of men, would certainly have died right then and there, had not his mother Aphrodite noticed....

She threw her white arms round him and embraced him and wrapped him up inside her glimmering dress to keep him safe from weapons, so no Greek would gallop up and hurl a spear of bronze to pierce his chest and take his life away. She took her darling son away from battle.”

This really is a D and D campaign

‘“Nestor, old soldier, how I wish your strength of body could still match your vigorous mind. But age, the equalizer, wears you down. I wish some other man was weak like you, and you could still take part with younger men.”’

???????

“...One of the overweening Trojan troops will leap upon the mound that marks the tomb of famous Menelaus and declare, ‘May Agamemnon’s anger always end in such futility! He led an army of Greeks to Troy for nothing, then returned home to his fatherland with empty ships, and left brave Menelaus fallen here.’ When they say this, I hope the wide earth gapes to swallow me.”

Agamemnon with NO chill 🙄

‘She spoke and scolded her husband.

“So you came back from the fighting. I wish that you had died out there, defeated by that strong man who used to be my husband....”’

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‘“...And I will never service that man’s bed. All of the Trojan women in the future will blame me if I do, and in my heart I will endure more pain than I can measure.”

Glorious Aphrodite, furious, said, “Stubborn girl! You must not make me angry, or in my rage I will abandon you, and start to loathe you with as deep a passion as I have loved you as my friend till now...”’

I literally hate everyone in this book lmao

‘“Father Zeus! No other god could be more cruel than you are! I thought that I would punish Paris for his crimes. But now my sword is broken in my hands! I threw my spear away from me in vain! I did not hit him!”

Then he leapt on Paris, and grabbed him by the shaggy horsehair helmet, twisted him round, and started dragging him towards the well-armed Greeks...’

The hypermasculinity is so unintentionally funny to me

“Now if you want me to fight in battle and to join the war, you must line up the other Greeks and Trojans, and in the middle of them all, set me to fight with Menelaus, friend of Ares, for Helen and for all the wealth and treasure. And let the winning man, the stronger fighter, get all the wealth and take the woman home.”

Good LORD why are men

“You brought great suffering to all of us—your father and your city—all our people. You pleased our enemies, but shamed yourself.”

Roast his ass!!

‘As in the valleys of a mountainside when someone sees a snake and startles back, their body trembles and their cheeks turn pale and off they run—so godlike Paris, frightened of Menelaus, son of Atreus, drew back among the throng of Trojan fighters. But Hector saw him and reproached and shamed him.

“Pathetic Paris! Womanizer! Cheat! You are the very best at looking pretty. Oh, how I wish that you had never lived or

“One brother came to war dressed in gold ornaments, just like a girl. These baubles did not save his life, poor fool! The grandson of Aeacus, swift Achilles seized hold of him and killed him in the river. The victor took possession of his gold.”

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