Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

“He stood his ground, as when upon the mountains where humans rarely go, a lonely place, a wild boar meets a band of many hunters—remaining confident of his own strength he stands his ground—along his back, he bristles, his eyes shine bright as fire, he whets his tusks, eager to drive the men and hounds away...”

These similes are outta control 😩😩

“Oilean Ajax sliced through his soft neck and cut his head off, because he was angry about Amphimachus. He swung and pitched the head across the crowd, just like a ball. It landed in the dust at Hector’s feet.”

Omg 💀💀

“How shocking! What a terrible surprise, which I would never have believed could happen—my eyes have seen the Trojans reach our ships! They used to be like frightened deer, who skitter through forests in their vain attempt to flee from jackals, wolves, and panthers, who will eat them. Deer have no courage, no desire to fight.”

Poseidon with that roast 😳

“The Greeks were hard-pressed, but they had to fight to save their ships. And all the gods who favored the Greeks in battle were distressed at heart.”

This is literally just gods placing polymarket and kalshi bets on war huh

“He stepped so slowly, his legs were barely moving—just as when farmers and dogs drive from a cattle pen a tawny lion, and stay up all night in case he seizes some fat calf—the lion is yearning for some meat but cannot get it—javelins and blazing cudgels fly at him from brave strong hands, and make him turn away at dawn, despite his eagerness—he leaves, frustrated in his heart...”

These similes are outta control

“Oileus jumped from the chariot and hurtled headlong straight at Agamemnon, who drove his sharp spear through his eager forehead. The thick bronze helmet could not stop the blade. It drove right through the metal to the bone. Inside his skull his brains were turned to mush, despite his eager courage.”

👁️👄👁️

“If all of you command me to choose my own companion for myself, how could I overlook Odysseus? Pallas Athena loves him, and he has such energy, virility, and drive in every undertaking. If I go with him, we could emerge from blazing fire and come home safe, thanks to his cleverness.”

Virility you say 👀

Also this statement didn't age well lmfao

“And in a corner of the sturdy tent Achilles slept with pretty Diomede, whom he had taken prisoner on Lesbos—her father’s name was Phorbas. And Patroclus lay by Achilles on his other side, and well-dressed Iphis lay beside Patroclus—whom glorious Achilles seized for him from lofty Scyros, when he sacked the city of Enyeus.”

👀

“All good, fine men love their own women and take care of them, just as I loved that woman with my heart, although she was a captive of my spear.”

These men are so rapey 😬

“...He has my woman, my own heart’s desire. Well, let him lie with her, let him enjoy her. Why should the Greeks make war against the Trojans? Why did he gather troops and bring us here? Was it not to retrieve a woman, Helen? Are they the only men who love their women, those sons of Atreus?”

Achilles is STILL whining about this shit??? Bruh grow up