Zana’s Reviews > The Iliad > Status Update

‘“I tell you, friends, though you already know it, the deathless gods still favor older men. Ajax is just a little bit my senior. But this man here is from a bygone era, the older generation, and they say that he is on the edge of elderly. Yet it is difficult for any Greek to beat him in a race, except Achilles.”’

Welp that's what I get for crushing on Matt Damon's Odysseus 👁️👄👁️

‘“This is outrageous! The goddess tripped me up! She always stands beside Odysseus and gives him help as if she were his mother!”’

💀💀💀

“And when they were about to win the prize, Ajax slipped over as he ran—Athena had tripped him up. He tumbled in the dung from all the bellowing bulls Achilles slaughtered. The cattle dung filled up his mouth and nostrils. So then resilient Odysseus received the mixing bowl—he came in first.”

For a mixing bowl???

“Patroclus had nine dogs that shared his table. Achilles cut the throats of two of them and threw them on the pyre.”

They sure love killing dogs in Ancient Greece huh 😐😐😐😐

Ghost Patroclus is out here telling Achilles to hurry up and bury his ass so he can go to Hades
👁️👄👁️

Achilles is out here dragging Hector's dead body from behind his chariot 😐😐😐😐😐

“As Hector lunged forward, fine Achilles drove his spear right there. The point pierced through his supple neck. And yet the ash-wood spear of heavy bronze did not cut through his windpipe, so he had the power to speak in answer to his killer.”

👁️👄👁️

‘Near Priam on the wall stood Hector’s mother. 80 She wept, untied her dress, and lifted out one breast, and through her tears spoke words on wings.

“Hector, my child, respect a mother’s care, and pity me. I soothed you with my breast. Remember this, dear child, and come inside! Fight your opponent from behind our wall. Do not stand there outside and challenge him, you stubborn fool!”’

Lady WHAT

“With this, he drew his bronze spear from the bank and left the dead man lying on the sand, robbed of his precious life. Dark water lapped around the body, soaking it, and soon the fish and eels were busily at work, nibbling at the fat around his kidneys.”

This is so detailed lmao

“Die, all you Trojans! All of you must die, until I reach the holy town of Troy. And you will run, but I will be behind you, slashing and slaying.”

Okay colonizer