Alexandra ’s Reviews > Project Hail Mary > Status Update

“Who here can tell me the speed of light?”

“On Earth, we have a scary, deadly creature called a spider. You look like one of those. Just so you know.”

“Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.”

“Grumpy. Angry. Stupid. How long since last sleep, question?”

“Why does Eridian food have thallium in it?”
“Healthy.”
“Thallium kills humans!”
“Then eat human food.”
“Ugh.”

“But I can’t rely on ninety-nine percent, can I?”

🫪

“Hurry.”
“Okay, I’ll wait faster.”
“Sarcasm.”

“Computer! Painkillers!”
“Additional dose available in three hours and four minutes.”
I frown. “Computer: What is the current time?”
“Seven-fifteen p.m., Moscow Standard Time.”
“Computer: Set time to eleven p.m. Moscow Standard Time.”
“Clock set complete.”
“Computer: painkillers.”

Me playing animal crossing

Step 1: Subject defecates from mouth.
“Yup,” I say to myself. “That was pretty freaking gross.”

“Well, you’re not alone anymore, buddy,” I say. “Neither of us are.”

“Humans spent thousands of years looking up at the stars and wondering what was out there. You guys never saw stars at all but you still worked space travel. What an amazing people you Eridians must be. Scientific geniuses.”