f_outdoorreads’s Reviews > Alpha/Beta Read > Status Update

Fallons povs feel more like he’s just explaining everything, and I wish there was more emotion behind his character. Rn he has lots of reasons to be an emotionally complex character and for the readers to feel him and relate to him but he sort of feels flat. He’s just there, and despite my best efforts I honestly don’t even like him all that much. Hes most unique aspect is his Bonding and I feel like he’s making it his identity. I want more aspects to him, more humor, more random ticks and habits.

Calliope is interesting for sure, and her povs are very intriguing, but her character is a lot like Fallons in the fact she has so many reasons to be incredibly complex and interesting but she feels like a character who has a lot of trauma and that’s it. I’ve very curious to see how they progress. I do like Calliope’s character more than Fallons bc she’s just more interesting. both have a ton of promise to be seriously epic, but as of rn I’m just not sure where it’s gonna go.


From an editors standpoint: This book has a lot of promise and it’s obvious Emily is incredibly gifted. The one thing that really gets me tho and takes her writing from excellent to poor/medicore is the amount of short punchy sentences. a short punchy sentence should be saved and used on very rare special occasions. It’s sort of like the extra special spice that you have to use super sparingly in a recipe iykwim. I’m just seeing a LOT in just the first few chapters and it really breaks the flow of the story. It also drains all color and life out of a paragraph. The page could be epic and with an elegant, colorful prose, but then someone goes “I sat down hard” and then it sort of makes you stumble over the sentences. Or if, for instance someone wrote “I looked down. I but my lip, drawing blood.” that feels rlly abrupt and awkward vs “I looked down, biting my lip hard and drawing blood.” One is written with purpose of feeling powerful but instead falls awkward and flat, while the other is written grammatically correct and hits hard.

I know that’s like a ton I just wrote and it all sounds negative so i just want to say I am rlly enjoying the book and am super excited to see how it progresses and develops. Emily is incredibly talented and I can’t wait to see what comes next.

Finch, I completely agree with everything you said! I'm naturally a fan of female POVs, so that probably contributed to my liking Calliope more. I wasn't sure if having a hard time connecting with Fallon was a me problem or a him problem. Everything you said about Fallon was 100% accurate. I was waiting for him to have a few quirks or things that make him tick.

I said the same thing about the short, punchy sentences!!!

I’m sorry you don’t like Fallon 💔 Hopefully after the inciting incident you get a least a little bit more interested in their characters…I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong with them. I’ve done every method for character development and arcs that could be found and taken several authors advice, I have entire doccuments filled with their misbeliefs, fatal flaws personality traits, etc., I just don’t know how to fix this innate dislike for them that readers seem to have. Fallon though is 99% me (just a male version of myself in a fantasy world) so that might be a me problem rather than a writing problem. Not much makes him tick because not much makes me tick either

I’m sorry that this isn’t shaping up to be what you thought. I’ll try and fix the poor writing during more editing. I might have to delay the publishing process if there’s this much that needs to be altered. Grimalka might need more time in the workshop. I really thought both of y’all would like it, but perhaps it’s just not ready yet

@emily I have a character in my book that is quite a self insert similar to what seems to be described here and I had a similar problem in early beta reads. What I found was that I am so similar to the character that I missed how she could be perceived by others and so I had to reword a lot of things to get what I / the character felt about things in way it other people would understand too. I obviously haven’t read it so this might not be what’s going on at all but that might help other people who don’t relate to the character like them better.

No, Emily, you're an amazing author, and we're all really excited for you to publish. Finch and I just have internal editor selves, so I think we should wait for Jaycee and Eva to give their consensus. Choppy sentences are really not that hard to fix, so please don't get down on anything. You've only had a few of us, so don't say that readers are innately dislike them. You have so many fans of Fallon.

@Emily No i love the book! I just wish Fallon had some more quirks. I know he is based off you so that why I wa slather to say anything bc i adore you 😭 Im defiantly confident I’ll start to love him, but rn Im just having a hard time relating to him.

All the editing this I’ve seen are very easy to fix so I don’t think it’s anything huge that needs to change. Just some line edits and reworking demanded here and there. But otherwise, it really is a good book and I am throughly enjoying it.

I’m sorry if anything I said was coming of rude or mean I literally cannot shut down my editors brain so me beta reading this always ends up with lots of comments 💀

was loathed*

my goodness typos 😭💀 and i say i’m an editor….

@Maria oh that makes sense. yes, Fallon is my self-insert and that might be what’s going on. I was actually going to ask if you’d like to beta read, and it would be nice to hear your thoughts

@Keira I know I’m sorry I just don’t have an editors brain 😭 (even though I really wish I did) I mean, yes, but the Fallon fans haven’t read the book yet…so I’m getting a lil scared that he won’t be everything everyone thinks he is

@Finch ok noted. He did have a lot in the og draft but probably in revamping it, I mentally added them but failed to actually incorporate them into this version. Because I know off the top of my head that were on-page depicted in the og draft was he’s a terrible actor, he doesn’t like butter at all, his sleeping is like clockwork so he goes to bed early to rise early and never fails to do so, he chews his lip when he’s nervous and pulls his pinky, his favorite fruits are oranges but he always picks out the seeds, he hates when his ears get wet, he gets panicky when things are out of his control, etc. Basically perfectionist with sensory issues (aka…me…) Idk if those would count as quirks that are memorable, but I just probably failed to actually incorporate them into this version of Grimalka

And no you’re good. I’m just a words of affirmation kind of person and when I only see critiques, my brain spirals into thinking it’s just trash. Like I’ve told Keira, it’s a terrible habit I need to get out of and it’s something I’ve struggled with legit my entire life. Like you had your critiques and my brain translated them into, “The characters are flat and awful and the writing is trash. Throw it away, it’s no good. People are even agreeing on how terrible it is." But that’s me, I’m so bad at taking criticism about anything. Let’s just say the beta reading experience has been… rough 😭

Just to prove it’s not just about writing, if I get corrected at work I’ll probably say sorry a bajillion times and kinda shut down as well. Like I accidentally did three swirls instead of two for an ice cream cone and my director corrected me and I felt so bad I felt like a failure and told her sorry like five times in a row (logic: it’s a stupid ice cream cone, get your crap together. me: I’m gonna get fired)

And also, all my life my parents have used the term as “having potential” as a coded, nicer way of saying, “you could be could, but you’re really not, so stop trying” for anything. It’s just how my brain was raised to think of critique as just innately negative and to stop trying when criticized

@Emily no i’m totally a words of affirmation person two and when i let people read my first few books and they gave any kind of constructive criticism i just got angry and said they didn’t know what they’re talking about. So I totally feel you!!

Okay I literally live all those quirks!! That’s what he needs honestly and then he’ll be my favorite 🤣i love characters with funny quirks like that!!

@Emily oh my word I’m literally the same way! If anyone says something that I messed up on, even in the nicest way, I apologize a billion times, and then go quite for the rest of the time I’m there or doing whatever. It’s so bad and I’m working on it. BUT ANYWAY! Any criticism anyone ever gives you please please please don’t take it as a bad thing! It’s only to help, and I’m saying this for when I read it lol, if I ever say something please don’t take it as “it’s trash and I hate it”!!!