Samantha’s Reviews > Bonetide > Status Update

“It’s at the castle. And I’ll warn you now… you’ll want to hate me for it, and I’ll not blame you if you do.”
NO. ENOUGH. WHAT NOW?!
It better not be some Mr. Rochester bullshit!

‘He sleeps in.’ followed by ‘his eyes slowly flutter open at just past eight.’ AT JUST PAST EIGHT?! FUCKING EIGHT??!! BITCH WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE SLEPT IN?? You’d think I comatose or wtf?!

‘Even if it leaves both of us heartbroken.’

NOOOOOOO SAY SIKE RN 😭
I still have hope on my theory, don’t do this!

Well that was so deliciously scary and haunting 🫣

Shit then escalated to kinky fuckery 👁️🫦👁️
Then to scary fuckery 👁️👄👁️

“So we both were revirginized, essentially.”

Let’s start a fucking club! 🙂

Her: “You’re a monster.”
Him: “How does it feel, to just get fucked by one?”
Me: FUCKING HELL MY TURN WHEN 🥵

The way I clocked everything immediately! But so what if he is like the devil and has a horse-cock? At least he’d know how I take my coffee, is amazing in bed, bakes AND he is a real estate owner!!

Mr. Cryptic still trying to conceal his identity, and it’s working with her, but I clocked your slip up you sneaky bastard! Thank you Outlander.

“Aye, lass. I want it.”

I AM SCREAMING! IF YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. AND IF YOU DO, YOU HEARD THAT. ACCENT AND ALL. 🦋

‘I’m shaving my legs. This might not seem like much to some, but, to me, it’s the equivalent of putting banners and a wacky inflatable tube man outside of the cottage and announcing that my vagina is open for business.’

BITCH NOT SO FUCKING LOUD WTF SHHH 🤡