Melissa’s Reviews > The Crow > Status Update

One thing I'm noticing is that the writing lacks forward momentum. We're doing some things, going to therapy, getting a physical, going to the store, but I don't feel that any of this is pushing the story forward. We're just... doing stuff.

This book occasionally switches tenses, from present to past back to present within the space of a few sentences. I honestly think the book would flow better if it were written in past tense.

"You promised if I give you my game, you'll give me team that can take back what's mine."

This is why everyone thinks this is a ripoff of The Foxhole Court. "Give your game to me" is something Kevin says to Neil in book one. Now, I maybe don't read a lot, but I've never heard that phrase outside of AFTG.

"Alexei's eyes over Spinner's hands. His arms. His shoulders."

His eyes... what? Roam?

"Monarchs don't talk to not Monarchs."

Better phrasing would be Monarchs don't talk to non-Monarchs.

"Over and over and the tear of skin splitting and over again."

Come on. There is a way to do stylized sentence fragmentation, but this isn't it. It still has to make sense in and of itself.

"Constriction closes around his throat..."

This book is about to drive me crazy. His throat constricts. Just say that.

"It was Alexei's choice to show him, but still he covets the vindictive wish that he could claw the memory of that night from Noble's head."

I'm beginning to wonder if this author is a native English speaker. There are a lot of phrases/word choices that I don't feel a native speaker would make. Or maybe we just need to claw the thesaurus from their hands.

"Really hates that question even more. Short answer. Long." (in response to: "How has your summer been?")

WTF does this even mean. This author has a short, choppy writing style that often doesn't work. It's okay to write out a complete sentence. Short and choppy can give emphasis sometimes, but use it too much and it becomes a drag to read. And confusing, as in the above sentence.

"Noble only knew he hadn't dropped dead in his sleep because of his read receipts."

Awkward phrasing. You wouldn't "drop" if you were asleep.