Kenisha’s Reviews > Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage > Status Update

I failed to make sure our prenup was extinguished

I failed to think about what would happen if our marriage ended.

But I also tried to have compassion. for the woman I was, agreeing to all of it, trusting my husband

I did it for love. There is nothing v shameful about that

It helped to take responsibility for it. To see the moments, over twenty years, when I hadn't protected myself, when I had chosen comfort over conflict, not knowing over know-ing. had put myself here, one decision at a time.

I agreed to change the prenup, dismissing legal advice.
I put both our names on the deeds.

I chose not to be involved in our financial life.

you know, women become less interesting to men when they don’t work. it really has a negative impact on marriages. (the ob gyn)

Still I asked myself, Would I have wanted to hear about someone's divorce? Would I have moved toward them? Or would I have assumed it was too private to talk about, or that they were a bit un-hinged, and moved away? I hope I would have chosen the for-mer, but I'm not sure.

I had never thought about this before how a closed-ended response, no matter how well-intentioned, can feel like an ending the declining of an invitation to engage.

Others moved away from me, often literally, a few slow steps away from the heat of me. It was the equivalent of New York friends who responded to my news with texts like, "T'1l be thinking of you," or I had never thought about this before how a closed-ended response, no matter how well-intentioned, can feel like an ending the declining of an invitation to engage.

Others moved away from me, often literally, a few slow steps away from the heat of me. It was the equivalent of New York friends who responded to my news with texts like, "I’ll be thinking of you," or "Sending love to you and the kids." These responses, though kind, felt distancing, a turning away when I had flung my doors wide open.

The speed of our beginning and the speed of our ending, of his exit, felt like matching bookends. The both came out of nowhere. The both left me reeling. In both instances, he was definitive, certain. There was no gray area. The switch went on and then it went off. He wanted it, he wanted me. And then he didn’t.