ArchivesofKenya’s Reviews > The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert > Status Update

Repair attempts have a higher success rate when the quality of underlining friendships are enhanced.

Healthy couples do not stonewall each other.

Healthy couples are not belligerent towards one another. Belligerence contains a threat or provocation.

It is not good for either partner to have a sense of superiority over the other.

Do not hold contempt for one another. This can be displayed in name-calling, eye, rolling, mockery, and hostile humor.

Criticism vs Complaint:

Like many complaints, it has three parts: (1) here’s how I feel; (2) about a very specific situation; (3) and here’s what I need/want/prefer.

In contrast, a criticism is global and expresses negative feelings or opinions about the other person‘s character or personality.

How do healthy couples argue?

They do not criticize each other or speak sarcastically to one another. They do not hold contempt towards one another.

When dealing with conflict, happily married couples make a “repair attempt” (any statements or action that prevents negativity from escalating out of control.)

Happily married couples support each other‘s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together.

With NSO, everything gets interpreted in an increasingly negative manner. Words said in a neutral tone of voice are taken personally.