Donna Davis’s Reviews > In It For The Money > Status Update

Blu is abducted and fights his way out. At least we didn't have the scene in the trunk of the car.

Contract came out of Colombia. Love the straight forward way that Crome deals with danger, and the way Blu accepts it and sometimes mirrors it. Again, areas are a bit ragged and need editing and tightening up. Too wordy.

Kara is part of a set up, but Blu gets himself out of it. He thinks there is no longer a contract out on him, which we know is untrue.

And now the prose is tighter and the story is strong. Also, it's Dink and Doofus, not Dinkus.

Strengths: the horses (Murder, Dinkus and Doofus), Crome, and the premise: iffy case, but protag is in extreme financial distress and so he takes it anyway.
Parts need tightening, and shifting to first person would achieve a lot of it. Chapter 18 hits a sweet spot that extends into 19. Staying with it.

So we've established Crome as the sidekick that gets the best bits of dialogue and Blu as the protagonist and straight man. I enjoy that Blu doesn't do a lot of hand-wringing over Crome's more extreme solutions; he himself is not entirely an outlaw, with property and a daughter to consider, yet Crome is who he is. Is Blu out, or is he in where C is concerned? He's in.This will bother some cozy fans; suits me fine.

So we've established Crome as the sidekick that gets the best bits of dialogue and Blu as the protagonist and straight man. I enjoy that Blu doesn't do a lot of hand-wringing over Crome's more extreme solutions; he himself is not entirely an outlaw, with property and a daughter to consider, yet Crome is who he is. Is Blu out, or is he in where C is concerned? He's in.

There are some good moments here, but I think it would help the pacing to tell it in first person rather than third omniscient. Found a good quote.