Carly’s Reviews > The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny > Status Update
Carly
is 71% done
"And for fuck's sake, stop driving like a madwoman! You almost hit that hobo!"
"Hardly the first hobo I'd have killed," she muttered while making another turn that had me clenching my teeth along with my butt cheeks. "You called it the Great Depression, but for us it was a very good hunting season for over a decade, hardly depressing."
— Apr 05, 2019 11:23AM
"Hardly the first hobo I'd have killed," she muttered while making another turn that had me clenching my teeth along with my butt cheeks. "You called it the Great Depression, but for us it was a very good hunting season for over a decade, hardly depressing."
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Carly
is 76% done
"How do I look?" she asked me.
"Um…I'm not sure how I'm supposed to answer this question without it crossing a line…"
She was pleased. She might be Ceinwyn Dale, Force of Nature, but she was still a girl once upon a time. "That good, hmm?"
"Quit torturing me, Miss Dale! My mother used to do this to me with lingerie…" I thought about this fact. "Damn it, now I need a psychologist."
— Apr 05, 2019 01:46PM
"Um…I'm not sure how I'm supposed to answer this question without it crossing a line…"
She was pleased. She might be Ceinwyn Dale, Force of Nature, but she was still a girl once upon a time. "That good, hmm?"
"Quit torturing me, Miss Dale! My mother used to do this to me with lingerie…" I thought about this fact. "Damn it, now I need a psychologist."
Carly
is 63% done
"Not insane at all, only a vampire who knows what she wants, when she wants it…"
My whole body thought: fuck yeah, that's a great idea! Especially Prince Henry. Guy just ain't a team player.
Probably cuz there is an 'I' in penis.
Always thinking about himself and his throbbing ten inches. Eight inches. Okay, okay, like six and a half.
…What?
Every guy measures…and if he says he hasn't, he's a fucking liar.
— Apr 05, 2019 10:40AM
My whole body thought: fuck yeah, that's a great idea! Especially Prince Henry. Guy just ain't a team player.
Probably cuz there is an 'I' in penis.
Always thinking about himself and his throbbing ten inches. Eight inches. Okay, okay, like six and a half.
…What?
Every guy measures…and if he says he hasn't, he's a fucking liar.
Carly
is 57% done
"Not taking up necrophilia, are you?" a teasing voice asked.
"Hey," I managed, all smooth moves.
Seeing her here was kind of like getting caught masturbating by your sister.
Which JoJo did on purpose to embarrass me, I don't care what excuses she makes about the door opening by itself!
To keep up this wonderful analogy, I put my monocle away like it was a now flaccid penis. "What, uh, you doing here, Eva?"
— Apr 04, 2019 04:48PM
"Hey," I managed, all smooth moves.
Seeing her here was kind of like getting caught masturbating by your sister.
Which JoJo did on purpose to embarrass me, I don't care what excuses she makes about the door opening by itself!
To keep up this wonderful analogy, I put my monocle away like it was a now flaccid penis. "What, uh, you doing here, Eva?"
Carly
is 53% done
"Aunt's a talent scout. We've been on the road all the way from California."
"Like…for movies?" Sally Two asked
A little devil popped up on my shoulder, it looked like Jethro Smith: say 'yes' motherfucker. Gonna be deep in the nerd pussy tonight!
A little angel popped up on my other shoulder, looked like Pocket: this is really cliché, dude.
But lying ain't ever been my thing
"Nah, nothing that fancy"
— Apr 04, 2019 02:42PM
"Like…for movies?" Sally Two asked
A little devil popped up on my shoulder, it looked like Jethro Smith: say 'yes' motherfucker. Gonna be deep in the nerd pussy tonight!
A little angel popped up on my other shoulder, looked like Pocket: this is really cliché, dude.
But lying ain't ever been my thing
"Nah, nothing that fancy"
Carly
is 51% done
Guy likes bugs.
Has them inside his clothes, has them placed strategically around the office.
As revolting as you can imagine.
Any moment them little legs gonna be crawling all over your skin.
Feel em, kiddies?
Feel em crawling on your skin?
Bet you did. Bet you're scratching at it right now. Ain't suggestion a wonderful thing? Now if only I could get these tapes to give people orgasms…I'd be a fucking billionaire
— Apr 04, 2019 01:56PM
Has them inside his clothes, has them placed strategically around the office.
As revolting as you can imagine.
Any moment them little legs gonna be crawling all over your skin.
Feel em, kiddies?
Feel em crawling on your skin?
Bet you did. Bet you're scratching at it right now. Ain't suggestion a wonderful thing? Now if only I could get these tapes to give people orgasms…I'd be a fucking billionaire
Carly
is 49% done
Coming around the table, he moved to kiss Annie B on her cheek until she waved him off.
"I know where those lips have been."
"You wound me!"
"They have glitter on them," I pointed out.
The Tsar frowned, pulling a handkerchief from somewhere and dabbing it on his lips. "Glitter, always glitter with this place. My shits have glitter in them! It makes my yearly colonoscopy most embarrassing for my doctor."
— Apr 04, 2019 12:36PM
"I know where those lips have been."
"You wound me!"
"They have glitter on them," I pointed out.
The Tsar frowned, pulling a handkerchief from somewhere and dabbing it on his lips. "Glitter, always glitter with this place. My shits have glitter in them! It makes my yearly colonoscopy most embarrassing for my doctor."
Carly
is 44% done
Now Ceinwyn was making the final pitch. Soothing fears and settling nerves. Telling the girl and her parents that everything was going to be okay.
With my help.
What could go wrong?
Nothing went wrong, you assholes.
Have some respect for my ability to manipulate people, will you? I'm only a blundering dumbass half the time. Other half, I'm a maniacal genius doing the impossible.
— Apr 04, 2019 11:27AM
With my help.
What could go wrong?
Nothing went wrong, you assholes.
Have some respect for my ability to manipulate people, will you? I'm only a blundering dumbass half the time. Other half, I'm a maniacal genius doing the impossible.
Carly
is 34% done
"Why's the world spinning?" she muttered. "I haven't been drunk in a hundred years…not since Prohibition…I miss the 20s…the 20s were good for me…"
I glanced at the secretary for help.
She shook her head with a face that said 'fuck no.'
My artifacts.
Annie B.
My artifacts.
Annie B.
I'm not proud of it, okay?
But I still shrugged her ass off me.
"Ow," she murmured from the floor, "my butt…"
She'd be fine.
— Apr 03, 2019 07:28PM
I glanced at the secretary for help.
She shook her head with a face that said 'fuck no.'
My artifacts.
Annie B.
My artifacts.
Annie B.
I'm not proud of it, okay?
But I still shrugged her ass off me.
"Ow," she murmured from the floor, "my butt…"
She'd be fine.
Carly
is 28% done
"Do you want a papercut?" she asked.
I sighed into my pillow. "Left ass cheek please."
She actually fucking did it.
It was a joke and she actually gave me a papercut, through my pants, on my left ass cheek. I squealed like a pig with a man named Jim Bob after him, up so fast I didn't sit up I stood up on the bed. "Are you serious?!?" I yelled at her, hand clamped on my ass cheek like it might fall off.
— Apr 03, 2019 04:45PM
I sighed into my pillow. "Left ass cheek please."
She actually fucking did it.
It was a joke and she actually gave me a papercut, through my pants, on my left ass cheek. I squealed like a pig with a man named Jim Bob after him, up so fast I didn't sit up I stood up on the bed. "Are you serious?!?" I yelled at her, hand clamped on my ass cheek like it might fall off.
Carly
is 21% done
"What the fuck is wrong with you, woman?"
"You…you know you were! I just acted first! We always fight like this!"
"Once again: I ain't the same guy as last time. If I'd acted then you wouldn't have your legs."
Still angry, but getting playful, she leaned to block my path to the limo. "Do try, King Henry. Blow my legs off. See how quickly I can reattach one and hop on over to beat you senseless with the second."
— Apr 03, 2019 12:25PM
"You…you know you were! I just acted first! We always fight like this!"
"Once again: I ain't the same guy as last time. If I'd acted then you wouldn't have your legs."
Still angry, but getting playful, she leaned to block my path to the limo. "Do try, King Henry. Blow my legs off. See how quickly I can reattach one and hop on over to beat you senseless with the second."
