Tracey’s Reviews > Nick the Lolt > Status Update
Tracey
is 20% done
There are so many examples of near misses with the language – it's as though this was translated from another language, somewhat uncertainly.
And comma abuse AND neglect – commas left out, unnecessary commas sprinkled throughout like raisins in a cookie (I don't like raisins in cookies):
Bright, red
Sizzling, red
Small, black bags
Enormous, engraved doors
Shimmering, blue spider-silk
Single, long braid
— Feb 26, 2013 05:49AM
And comma abuse AND neglect – commas left out, unnecessary commas sprinkled throughout like raisins in a cookie (I don't like raisins in cookies):
Bright, red
Sizzling, red
Small, black bags
Enormous, engraved doors
Shimmering, blue spider-silk
Single, long braid
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Tracey’s Previous Updates
Tracey
is 66% done
Brace yourselves.
"...his eyes narrowed and a small wave of veins sprouted through his muscles."
Uncle.
— Feb 27, 2013 09:50AM
"...his eyes narrowed and a small wave of veins sprouted through his muscles."
Uncle.
Tracey
is 53% done
"… stood like a wooden statute …"
55% "her open and flowing hair"
*skimskimskim*
— Feb 27, 2013 07:42AM
55% "her open and flowing hair"
*skimskimskim*
Tracey
is 41% done
Oh, now there's dialogue tag abuse: "'Out of the question,' Nick swallowed." Ouch. Also? He's talking to himself. Does that a lot.
"A loud clacking sound made Nick jump so bad" - BADLY.
"'This, was definitely,' he panted."
I have, a headache. Gah.
— Feb 26, 2013 09:44AM
"A loud clacking sound made Nick jump so bad" - BADLY.
"'This, was definitely,' he panted."
I have, a headache. Gah.
Tracey
is 37% done
"solider" for "soldier"
"Whatever Gayle, I'm going"
*sigh*
— Feb 26, 2013 09:39AM
"Whatever Gayle, I'm going"
*sigh*
Tracey
is 24% done
Of a cat in a drawing: "In mid-step its powerful, arched back was to the viewer" – and shortly the cat's eyes are described.
And then it goes on to describe how the artist draws light with his pencil. Um. Not the way you're describing, no.
— Feb 26, 2013 09:38AM
And then it goes on to describe how the artist draws light with his pencil. Um. Not the way you're describing, no.
