Windypicnic’s Reviews > First Born > Status Update

"Thirty minutes later, she wiped her mouth with a napkin and belched ceremoniously, setting off Seth’s car alarm in the driveway. The low rumble didn’t alert the humans in the next building, but the dogs barked no doubt hearing it and feeling the vibration."



THIS BOOK AND GAS. THIS BOOK AND FUCKING GAS. I CANNOT EVEN.

"The next conscious moment, Lily recognized Seth’s scent. Wrapped in his shirt, she felt safe and secure as they sped down the road in his truck that smelled like Abercrombie & Fitch Woods cologne mixed with sweat."

LEGIT THE WORST THING I'VE READ SO FAR AND THIS BOOK IS FULL OF DOG FART REFERENCES.

"“Lily’s hurt,” he said, clutching his stomach. The empanadas from dinner were starting to revolt."

I was almost disappointed when this didn't lead to more fart or burp stifling. MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

“Go to hell, you crazy bitch.” Seth squeezed his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms. “I’m already there."



I never thought I'd miss this book focusing on the heroine as a farting dog. But now the misogyny skips on in and I find myself desperate for some dog gas to break up the KOKO U SUCH A BITCH shit.

"“I don’t think she’s altogether stable. I mean she’s wicked smart, but really intense. Pete mentioned he thought she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

"Lily wrote down her dog alias and new cell phone number for him. "

HER FUCKING DOG ALIAS.

"Lily packed the pink JanSport backpack with provisions and strapped it to her back. Her suspicion was that Seth’s subconscious chose pink to assure him that his sister was indeed still a girl."

"Seth looked at her. “Don’t. Burp."



OH MY FUCKING GOD. I TRY TO OPEN THIS BOOK AND MAKE SOME PROGRESS, MORE GAS REFERENCES. EVERY SECOND GODDAMN PAGE HAS SOMEONE EITHER FARTING/BURPING OR REFERENCING FARTING/BURPING. I DID NOT FUCKING SIGN ON FOR THIS SHIT.

AND NOW SHE HAS WINGS.

WHAT THE SHITTING SHIT AM I READING?!

“Oh, and there was the sound.” He reached past an ancient Eureka upright and scooted a tall box toward him so he could sit. She considered sitting down too then remembered she wasn’t wearing undergarments. “What sound?” Lily asked. “Like a long fart."

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS BOOK AND FARTS/FARTING/FART NOISES?