Parvane’s Reviews > Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It > Status Update

When someone tells you “No,” you need to rethink the word in one of its alternative—and much more real—meanings: ■​I am not yet ready to agree; ■​You are making me feel uncomfortable; ■​I do not understand; ■​I don’t think I can afford it; ■​I want something else;I need more information; or ■​I want to talk it over with someone else.

Imagine yourself in your counterpart’s situation. The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas (you may well find them crazy). But by acknowledging the other person’s situation, you immediately convey that you are listening.

Mirroring, also called isopraxism, is essentially imitation. It’s another neurobehavior humans (and other animals) display in which we copy each other to comfort each other. It can be done with speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice. It’s generally an unconscious behavior—we are rarely aware of it when it’s happening—but it’s a sign that people are bonding..

Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view, which gets them to the calm and logical place where they can be good Getting to Yes problem solvers.