Lex Kent > Status Update
Lex Kent
added a status update
IRL I'm a little too masc presenting to "pass as straight" yet somehow on Goodreads I am constantly getting hit on by skeevy old men!
— May 10, 2022 09:33AM
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Jude
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May 10, 2022 09:34AM
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It's at least twice a week now getting messages from older men that think this is a dating site. I'm sick of it!
It really sucks. You've tried reaching out to GR, I guess? Let me know if some profiles need flagging.
It happens to me every single day. I block and flag at least 2-3 every day. I did two things that helped though: I added a screening question for friend requests (and said I won't add anyone who doesn't answer or lies) and I blocked the ability to send private messages except for friends. You have to be careful though, it's not just icky men profiles anymore (and so many of them think that we will accept because they use a photo of Paul Hollywood, eye roll), they are using women's photos/names and then if you accept you will get gross messages.
I have a gender neutral name and my profile picture obscures my face, so every now and then those guys will find me on damn Words with Friends. Everything with a messaging service is a dating app for those fools, and they don't care who you are, what you look like, etc. It's the shotgun approach. Message 100, maybe 1 will actually respond.
When I first started reviewing I did not use a real photo and never had this problem. One week after I put up my real picture, this started happening. It used to be maybe once a month or so, but it has gotten worse and worse lately and I'm having to block people like crazy. I'm getting good at spotting the profiles, they will have "clean cut" looking usually white men photos, with their profile saying things like I like to read on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace sipping champs, and the only Goodreads friends they have are women, no other men. So I know how to spot them but they are mostly just messaging me without even trying a friend request now.
Lex wrote: "When I first started reviewing I did not use a real photo and never had this problem. One week after I put up my real picture, this started happening. It used to be maybe once a month or so, but it..."You can change it so that only friends can message you. It has saved my sanity.
Jude- I have to block so many that I have not really been keeping track but I will def mention any of the ones that really cross the line. Melissa- I'm so sorry you have to deal with it too and in numbers even greater than I am complaining about. I have not had any of the men pretending to be women yet, but that's just awful to think about. I have thought about putting a question up, but then I heard people on phones can't see/get passed that part. I also get quite a few messages requesting help about LGBTQ+ books from people who are not friends and want to remain private, so that why I always kept my messages open. It's a shame but if this keeps up I might have to do as you suggested.
Geonn- I think your right, it is all about the numbers so they don't even look at my profile to realize their time is probably wasted. I also think it's not fair to men who just love books and want to enjoy talking about books with people because it makes women suspicious of everyone.
Melissa- I'm so sorry you have to deal with it too and i..."My question isn't mandatory, but it does help me screen. If someone doesn't answer I look at them more carefully than if they do. Saves time. I can see why you'd want to keep your messages open, it's great to be a resource for people.
Melissa (In Catch-Up Mode) wrote: "Melissa- I'm so sorry you have to deal with it too and i..."My question isn't mandatory, but it does help me screen. If someone doesn't answer I look at them more carefully than if they do. Saves ..."
That's great to know and I appreciate the advise. It's just disappointing it's coming to this on a book site.
Lex wrote: "Melissa (In Catch-Up Mode) wrote: "Melissa- I'm so sorry you have to deal with it too and i..."My question isn't mandatory, but it does help me screen. If someone doesn't answer I look at them mor..."
I completely agree, I just want to talk about books!
I've been getting these, too. Generally from men who have reviewed 0 books. At least they're easy to spot , and we can ignore them with the click of a button.
Sarah-Hope wrote: "I've been getting these, too. Generally from men who have reviewed 0 books. At least they're easy to spot , and we can ignore them with the click of a button."Yes, normally no reviews but 5 star ratings on books like The Notebook :)
