Daniel’s Reviews > It's a Setup > Status Update

We don't see it because he's not aware he's doing it. It's kind of like breathing -- it happens without penetrating his awareness.

At least that's my take. :)

Yeah, this is one of rare times where I'm actually inclined to come down on the show side of the show don't tell bullshit. It's not at all uncommon to have stuff on page that the MC is oblivious to, so I don't really buy the argument that she can't show it cuz he's not aware of it, and if he is intended to be oblivious to it after it's been mentioned to him multiple times that starts to drift into the territory of that whole midlife sudden gay awakening GFY type stuff that I am completely incapable of buying.

But honestly how Fitzpatrick's stuff in general manages to work the way it does continues to be a mystery. Not only 3rd person present, but it feels like she does does the complete opposite of what every writing advice giver insists you must do. I'm not bothered in the slightest by the total lack of description, which seems to drive people insane in other people's books. She definitely leans to the telly side of things imo, very minimal dramatization. Dialog that would be the centerpiece of the scene had someone else written is often elided. It's like with all the shit she's not doing or putting on the page, how the hell does she manage to write so many words about it??? Confused.

Also he can justify it as that person being his one and only friend, kind of natural he'd come up in conversation a lot.

Although it blindsided me, it ended up working for me because I was amused that he'd been basically sabotaging his own chances all along.

I wonder if it's something she'll change/adjust when she transitions it to a book. With posting installments in a serial, you can box yourself in and not realize it until later. I recently saw her discussing something she knew she'd have to tweak for publication for a different fic.

Writing a serial the eventually works as a book without a complete massive rewrite is kind of amazing to me.

I've seen that oversight in trad pubbed books, too, which presumably get professonal edits. I tend to agree with you, Daniel, that it works better if it's on page for the reader to see, especially if you do see the characters conversing. It's another thing if a friend character is introduced from off-page and is like, "Oh, you're the one I've heard so much about..."

In this case, it's not an oversight at all, it's a deliberate stylistic choice. The only question is whether it works for the reader or not.

Coincidentally, I read through this bit again last night.

So, the context is Love Interest (who isn't into hockey at all) has show up at the bar for post game drinks with the team and goes "which one is [best friend's nickname]" and MC is like "how do you know about them!?!" and LI is just "you talk about them all the time".

Now, the MC has already pointed out an incident to us where he said something out loud he didn't intend to. Add to that the style is extremely introspective and often (perhaps even usually) does not distinguish between MC's internal monologue and whats actually spoken. So there's kind of some precedent?

But yeah, it still strains credulity for me, if only by the vast chasm between what's implied by "all the time" and what I can accept as mentioned while casually running his mouth to fill the silence and forgot about/didn't consciously realize. Also because if he's that prone to it, how has he managed not to blab his real feelings about love interest?

That said it's not even close to derailing my overall enjoyment of the story, and there is something about the style that makes it a little easier to gloss over than it might be in other books. And given where I know things are going (this time) yes, there is a kind of funny aspect to it.

Teal can doubtless speak to this better than me, given I apparently have the memory of a goldfish and have read fewer of TF's books and not in order, but I think there are distinct differences in narrative style between her books and I don't know if, or to what degree, that's something she's doing as a deliberate element of characterization and/or how much it's just the evolution of her writing style over time.

But OMG, this Scratch is def not who came to mind when I saw the name again. I have a distinct impression of someone a bit weird, who doesn't talk much, who knows things but won't tell, and who's definitely a peripheral character. Someone seen mostly or only in hallways at the arena, best friend of X, and honestly I can't even remember if X was the love interest or just a friend of the MC. Who have I confused him with, or has my brain just entirely made someone up?

Daniel wrote: "I think there are distinct differences in narrative style between her books and I don't know if, or to what degree, that's something she's doing as a deliberate element of characterization and/or how much it's just the evolution of her writing style over time."

She is 100% doing it for characterization. After having read what I seriously suspect is more than 1 million words worth of her work, I've come to consider her a master of managing POV. I don't say that lightly or as hyperbole. She is an absolute master.

So what we're getting here is what it's like to be in Joey's head. He blabs and doesn't always know that he's blabbing. He notices what he notices, but it's not the big picture, it's not necessarily what's most important, it's just what he detects through his Joey-shaped blinders. And that's how it is for all of her POV characters — you get what they would notice, what they would consciously acknowledge to themselves, and nothing else. She's pretty much impeccable about this, and I love it. Mad respect for that aspect of her writing.

However, that said, it doesn't mean that what she does, how she chooses to present a character, is necessarily going to work. Certainly not for every reader, especially when she pushes the envelope the way she did here. It was an unusual choice, and takes some getting used to — unless you just can't get used to it, in which case it's a fail.

About Scratch — now you've got me wondering who you could possibly be thinking of. If I come up with any ideas I'll run them past you.

It does sound interesting from a writing perspective. Someday I will overcome my disinterest in sports and really long books and read it!

It's not a very long book at all, though, Mir. Maybe you're thinking of Impaired Judgment? The It's a Setup series consists of two normal length books, just 150,000 words for the two of them combined. Imo a 'real' book is 300 pages or more, so to me they're both short books. :)

Now the sport thing I can't help you with. Reading m/m hockey romances turned me into a hockey fan.

Mir wrote: "It does sound interesting from a writing perspective. Someday I will overcome my disinterest in sports and really long books and read it!"

I can't stand team sports and I love them. :) There do tend to be stretches in some of the books where the characters are focused on playoffs or whatever, but by there's not a lot of detail in terms of the games themselves, and by then I'm always invested enough in the characters it doesn't bother me. It's similar to experiences I've had with sports or other anime where the focus is on something I couldn't care less about, you care to some extent because the characters do, but it's not really important to the enjoyment of the work.

She's definitely doing stuff I wish I could explain, getting me to care about people I wouldn't normally. Getting emotion across while seemingly doing the opposite of what vast amounts of writing advice would have you do.

The wiki was no help with Scratch, at first I thought he must show up in one of the other books I've read, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I wouldn't think it was from Thrown Off The Ice, cuz when did Mike ever ask anybody about anything, but idk. Feels more like a Vinny Vincent situation. One possibility that has just occurred to me: have I mixed up Scratch and Trigger or blended them together somehow...

Daniel wrote: "She's definitely doing stuff I wish I could explain, getting me to care about people I wouldn't normally. Getting emotion across while seemingly doing the opposite of what vast amounts of writing a..."

For sure if anyone could actually concretize that technique it would be a surefire money-maker! I'll have to read something by this author, I've seen so many positive comments.

I've tried rereading a couple thinking I could manage a more analytical eye on a second read, but just end up sucked into the story again. I should probably try it on one of her little tumblr ficlets.