Carmen’s Reviews > Stripped Down > Status Update

"If the guy's that much of a dick, be sure to practice safe business.

- I thought I told you to stop making jokes. They're horrible.

What could delaying the truth a few more days hurt?

- You are a moron.

"Look at me."

She glanced back, wary of his quiet surety.

"If he'd been disrespectful, I would have put a stop to it."

- Oh-kay. I really want to like you, Eric, and you are making it very difficult. It's like you're trying to rise up to new levels of assholery.

"Note to self - the woman finds torture hysterical.

- Okay, that one was actually cute. :)

"I can handle you screwing up if you're truly trying, but the demanding and commanding crap? It doesn't work. It pushes every defensive button I have and it will send me through your front door so fast the only think I'll leave behind is the cartoonlike outline of my as I exit."

- Dude, this is the third time she's warned you about this. THIRD. Perhaps you should start listening and stop being such a dick

"Please, don't hurt me." The words were out before she could stop them.

"I'll never hurt you, baby."

An electric jolt of awareness nearly made her hair stand on end. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I don't."

- Um, excuse me? *raises hand* You are completely hiding 1/2 your life from her. Don't you think THAT will hurt her when she finds out?!?! Just a thought.

"Yeah, well, I'm famous for my witty repartee."

- *chokes on her coffee* You have GOT to be kidding me. Delusional much?

"I'm probably going to hate myself for asking this, but how did you end up so amazingly balanced and, well, normal?"

"It was the biggest 'screw you' I could deliver to my parents."

"Ah, the equivalent of the after-dinner mint."

I'm sorry, that wasn't even remotely funny or clever. Stop trying to crack jokes.

"Give the man a prize.. or pie," she whispered, voice as sultry as sex-fueled sin.

- That pie comment is just lame. Super-lame.

And even being a veritable stranger, Cass had found the right words, short and simple, to offer heartfelt condolences.

- Oh, really? I thought this was "playing the sympathy card?" Make up your &^%$ mind, Eric.