Kara’s Reviews > The Night Visitants: A Ufologist, An Experiencer and The Undefinable > Status Update
Kara
is 24% done
Going back and forth in time is a huge pet peeve of mine. I just don't like it. It feels like unnecessary padding for the book. The guy who went through WWII and brought back an alien artifact that his daughter is sensitive to, is the better story. I don't need to read about a retiree that has dinner with his wife while writing his book. Maybe include excerpts from his book?
— Sep 11, 2023 01:09PM
Like flag
Kara’s Previous Updates
Kara
is 24% done
Also, this needed an editor.
“Are they…” Rita’s eyes were glued to the scene as she turned to Tom.
So, is she looking at the scene, where her eyes are glued to, or at her husband, who she turned to? If it's such an amazing sight, why would she turn away from it?
Maybe it would've been better to write it as: "Are they..." Rita's eyes were glued to the scene as she stood next to Tom.
— Sep 11, 2023 01:30PM
“Are they…” Rita’s eyes were glued to the scene as she turned to Tom.
So, is she looking at the scene, where her eyes are glued to, or at her husband, who she turned to? If it's such an amazing sight, why would she turn away from it?
Maybe it would've been better to write it as: "Are they..." Rita's eyes were glued to the scene as she stood next to Tom.
Kara
is 11% done
This is very slow going. I don't need to read about his dinner with his wife. The other part where he meets a random guy who calls himself Daniel could've been a flashback or talked about in passing, like "Remember that guy...." It's a lot of fluff. I hope it picks up. I was hoping for some spookiness.
— Sep 11, 2023 11:23AM
