Meredith is a hot mess’s Reviews > Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self > Status Update

I skimmed.

This is a good book on boundaries, it offers some unique insight not found in other popular books on boundaries (such as Nedra Tawwab Glover's book).

There is religious & spiritual commentary, but unlike Henry Cloud's popular book on boundaries I didn't pick up any sexist or homophobic language. If someone is more secular, it can be easily skimmed, it isn't overpowering.

By contrast, a wall is an unhealthy boundary. While it may have a useful and healthy purpose, the way I set it up and how it makes me and others feel may end up eventually hurting my own best interests. Some of the qualities of a wall are that it tends to be rigid, and the way that I set it up may be unclear to me and to others

This is also why the 'game playing' stuff in manosphere is manipulative bordering on narcissistic.

And it's sad because a lot of well-intentioned guys are attracted to that, in desperation for female companionship, and learn all these manipulative, narcissistic techniques that are rooted in insecurity

By contrast, by setting a healthy boundary or limit, my purpose may include protecting the well-being and integrity of my True Self. I am aware of my inner life, and I am not usually invading another's inner life or outer life.

My response:

How is this manipulative? I'm directly asking you - you can say no. But yeah, I'm asking xyz.

It was years ago, now, but I remember asking my dad for something.

I was very direct, I can't even remember what I was asking him for.

He agreed, but then said: 'you're manipulating me'

Manipulative definition:

when a person tries to influence or get something from another indirectly.

When controlling or manipulating, I am usually less aware or perhaps even unaware of my inner life. I may be invasive of the other, or dominating. All the while I may feel scared, ashamed, guilty or angry, and end up feeling drained or exhausted. I may end up feeling fused or enmeshed with the other